LECTURE IX - MR. CAUDLE HAS BEEN TO GREENWICH FAIR
“Ho, Mr. Caudle: I hope you enjoyed yourself at Greenwich.
“How do I know you’ve been at Greenwich?
“I know it very well, sir: know all about it: know more than you think I know. I thought there was something in the wind. Yes, I was sure of it, when you went out of the house to-day. I knew it by the looks of you, though I didn’t say anything. Upon my word! And you call yourself a respectable man, and the father of a family! Going to a fair among all sorts of people, - at your time of life. Yes; and never think of taking your wife with you. Oh no! you can go and enjoy yourself out, with I don’t know who: go out, and make yourself very pleasant, I dare say. Don’t tell me; I hear what a nice companion Mr. Caudle is: what a good-tempered person. Ha! I only wish people could see you at home, that’s all. But so it is with men. They can keep all their good temper for out-of-doors - their wives never see any of it. Oh dear! I’m sure I don’t know who’d be a poor woman!
“Now, Caudle, I’m not in an ill-temper; not at all. I know I used to be a fool when we were first married: I used to worry and fret myself to death when you went out; but I’ve got over that. I wouldn’t put myself out of the way now for the best man that ever trod. For what thanks does a poor woman get? None at all. No: it’s those who don’t care for their families who are the best thought of. I only wish I could bring myself not to care for mine.
“And why couldn’t you say, like a man, you were going to Greenwich Fair when you went out? It’s no use your saying that, Mr. Caudle: don’t tell me that you didn’t think of going; you’d made up your mind to it, and you know it. Pretty games you’ve had, no doubt! I should like to have been behind you, that’s all. A man at your time of life!
“And I, of course, I never want to go out. Oh no! I may stay at home with the cat. You couldn’t think of taking your wife and children, like any other decent man, to a fair. Oh no, you never care to be seen with us. I’m sure, many people don’t know you’re married at all: how can they? Your wife’s never seen with you. Oh no; anybody but those belonging to you!
“Greenwich Fair, indeed! Yes, - and of course you went up and down the hill, running and racing with nobody knows who. Don’t tell me; I know what you are when you’re out. You don’t suppose, Mr. Caudle, I’ve forgotten that pink bonnet, do you? No: I won’t hold my tongue, and I’m not a foolish woman. It’s no matter, sir, if the pink bonnet was fifty years ago - it’s all the same for that. No: and if I live for fifty years to come, I never will leave off talking of it. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Mr. Caudle. Ha! few wives would have been what I’ve been to you. I only wish my time was to come over again, that’s all; I wouldn’t be the fool I have been.
“Going to a fair! and I suppose you had your fortune told by the gipsies? You needn’t have wasted your money. I’m sure I can tell you your fortune if you go on as you do. Yes, the gaol will be your fortune, Mr. Caudle. And it would be no matter - none at all - if your wife and children didn’t suffer with you.
“And then you must go riding upon donkeys.