Herself: Talks with Women Concerning Themselves

by E. B. Lowry

A very intelligent girl from South Dakota writes this heart story: "My mother died when I was a babe. After her death I was sent out among strangers. While away from home and before I was six years old a young fellow about fifteen years old possessed me and threatened to do something terrible to me if I told. I did not dare tell. Luckily I was taken home at that time, as I now had a step-mother. But still more horrible, it also happened that I had immoral relations with my brother. When I found out that this was the way people got babies, I wished I could get one. I was not very old before I understood that this was a wrong and a shame and acted accordingly. My parents never mentioned things of this nature to me. How much better it would have been if they had done so when we were real young. How many things were spoken of by schoolmates and told in the dirtiest possible way and things also were said that I now know were entirely wrong."

I cannot impress upon you too strongly the need of early talks with young children on these matters. As soon as they enter school at the age of six and even before this, in some cases, they are bound to hear these things from their playmates. Usually the information is thrust upon the child in a very vulgar manner, or entirely wrong impressions are given. The very secrecy that always has surrounded these subjects makes them an object of interest to children. The functions of the generative organs are just as natural a process as the process of digestion. We make no secret of the process of digestion, and children do not manifest any morbid curiosity regarding it. If we would discuss the functions of the generative organs in just as natural a way, many of our great problems would right themselves.

A woman in one of the western states writes, "Once I had a heated argument upon that subject with another woman. She always had lived in a small community. In her opinion all city girls were morally depraved. She had two daughters of her own. Both girls gave birth to babies at the age of fourteen and sixteen years. It transpired later that these girls first began the evil practice at school. And I will state here, regardless of contradiction, that the village school is often the breeder of immoral characters among both boys and girls.

"In a small farming community of California containing about forty children of school age, it was discovered that immoral practices had been carried on for years among the older children. One little girl, being new to the school and also being in the habit of telling her mother everything, repeated some of the sights she had seen during the recess and noon hours, and also some of the conversation she had heard among the children. The mother, being horrified at the child's revelations and knowing the child must have some foundation for her stories, told a friend about it. This woman told some of her friends who were the mothers of the children the little girl had named to her mother. Of course, the children were questioned and denied all knowledge of things the child had mentioned. The mothers were indignant that their children should be accused of anything like that. They unquestionably believed the denial, making no effort to find out if there might be any truth in the report. That mother and her little one were 'sent to Coventry' with a vengeance. Later some of these mothers had cause to repent of their carelessness in having neglected or disregarded the warning. They found to their sorrow that the little girl was not telling an untruth, after all.

"The trouble with the mother in the small community is that she judges her children by her own past. She, perhaps, had an entirely different environment from that of her children and because she came out all right, naturally sees no use in bothering about talking to her girls. 'They will learn these things soon enough,' she says when the subject is mentioned. That they either already have learned them or may be learning them in a manner of which she would be the last to approve, she does not take into consideration. An attempt to warn such a mother often is misunderstood."

That young women realize their need and are anxious for any help is shown by these letters. From New York a girl writes, "I am twenty-two years of age and as yet know nothing about the mysteries of life, and I am beginning to worry about it as I am keeping company with a young man and expect to become engaged to him. I know nothing of what is expected of me when I get married and I know there are a number of girls just like me and that they are worried, too."

From a girl in Seattle came this letter, "No one ever told me about this wonderful body of ours and that God made it in his likeness for his glorification. When I asked where the babies came from, I was told the doctor brought them in his case. One day I saw a boy and girl about eight years of age doing wrong, and thought nothing of it when my brother, who was fourteen while I was six, proposed that we do likewise. This was kept up until I was somewhere between eleven and thirteen, when I was converted and it occurred to me that this was not the right thing to do, but I never dreamed that I would suffer so these ten years, as I am twenty-three now. Only in the last few years I have learned how God made these organs for the marriage relation only and how life was formed. I would go to my mother for this information but I know it would break her heart and I am afraid she could not tell me what I want to know. I would not write this but I am deeply in love with a Christian man, and I could not marry anyone until I know about this matter. I often have made a vow I never would marry anyone, but this love came to me before I could help myself, and as he told me of his love I would not allow myself to let him know I care as much as I do. Kindly tell me if anyone who has abused her organs while so young could make a good wife or become a mother, and can these marks of sin be removed?"

Another young girl writes, "It is just as you say, ignorance is the root of evil in many cases such as mine. I have come to you for help, information and advice. I have taken that fatal mis-step you write about, but no one knows it besides myself and this man. He dare not speak of this. He is very wealthy and influential. After reading your article I found that you were the one to go to and make a confession. I never have been warned or told of these dangers and now it is too late. I am a young girl, eighteen years old, and have a lot of men friends because I am considered attractive, but none of them have ever said one word out of the way to me except this one and I yielded to the tempter. I know I have done wrong, and now am trying to atone for it by being awfully good. Now, what I want to know and want you to tell me is this, 'Can I ever marry a decent, respectable man without him knowing of this affair?' There is a young man very much devoted to me (and I can assure you it is mutual) who several times has asked me to marry him. I am afraid to give him an answer. I cannot ask anyone else this question for the simple reason that I am not sure whether they will tell me the truth or whether they really know."

Both these girls were fortunate that they did not have any serious consequences from their mis-step. Too many girls make only one mis-step and as a result become pregnant or else contract one of the black plagues. This week I have received several such letters. Laying aside all moral points, it is too much risk for any girl to run.

Unfortunately a great many girls in their ignorance do make a mis-step. That is no reason why they should not marry. We must take into consideration the fact that the young man in question probably has made several of these mis-steps. He should not expect his prospective wife to be any stronger to resist temptation than he has been. If this were an ideal world, all men, as well as all women, would be pure, but until the millennium comes we must take things as they are, and proceed from that standpoint. But because a girl has erred through ignorance is no reason why she should be doomed to everlasting punishment in the shape of social ostracism or being denied the happiness of having a home and children.