As May unfolded its numberless gems, it found him striving to unfold the spiritual life that lay in his own soul, and that existed, perhaps, in a wintry state, in the souls of others. The sun's increasing light and warmth invite nature to come out; whereupon, in a million-fold dress she stands arrayed before the celestial King. This is so, because the sun is to life a friend; and is it otherwise when any mind uncommonly filled with the Maker's light and love sheds itself vertically on other minds? The effects are indeed similar. Now and then a late plant or an obstinate root, that seems to be indifferent to the far-sent beam, at last buds and sprouts afresh. In this May month, he speaks of an humble twenty who met at Brookfield, N. H., and "agreed to acknowledge themselves a little company of Christians, or Disciples, and to lay aside all unscriptural names, doctrines and masters for the name of Christ, his doctrine and laws;" which, he says, was a glad day to many. "The converts were happy, the saints encouraged, the mourners comforted. The Bible alone was their creed." He also adds:
"This day and this night were solemn to me. One young man, by the name of L. Whitehouse, by reputation the wickedest young man in town, one who had often wished me out of the place, one who had despised the saints, came running to me, his face suffused with tears, and said: 'Mr. Badger, can you pray for such a man as I am?' I told him that I could. He was in deep distress. After a time he returned home. At midnight I was aroused from my slumbers by the message that Mr. W. was dying, and that he wished to see me very much. Leaving my room and walking through the darkness of night to visit one who had despised both me and my counsels, I heard him say as I entered the house where he lay, 'I am dying; and the worst of all that troubles me is that I am unprepared to meet God.' Several hours I passed with him; and the more of such scenes I witness, the more I am struck with the folly of men in neglecting salvation in prosperity and health.
"Arriving at Farmington on the 5th, at L. Peavy's I fell in company with Dr. Hammond, who soon introduced conversation on the subject of religion. He stood on the old doctrine of fatalism, and was what every man ought to be who honestly plants himself on this ground, a Universalist. After he had labored hard (for one must labor hard to support a false doctrine, whilst the truth can support itself and all who believe it,) to prove his theory, I said to him: 'Sir, although you claim to make God a good and merciful being, you make him inconsistent. You prove that he has decreed one thing and commanded another. You allege that he ordained all things. Of course he has ordained them right. But, Sir, are you able to say that all the wars, blasphemy, drunkenness, political and religious contention we have on earth, proceed from your good God?' 'Certainly' responded he; 'it is all for some end. Mortals must experience a degree of misery, to prepare them for happiness. It is best,' continued he, 'to have different beliefs and sects in the world, and what you term religion is merely impulse and imagination, which is good so far as it tends to good among men. The fear of hell which you hold up, moves many to reform, and I think it would not be so well if all men were as I am.' In the last idea I acquiesced. I told him that I never had known the opinions he avowed to work the reformation of any man; that I had not yet met a Christ-like and prayerful person of those views, and that I had known them to be accompanied by much profanity, professed in the grog-shop, and resorted to by the vilifier of practical godliness as a shelter against the solemn claims of Christ upon the heart. I said to him that truth bears good fruits, and that I was sorry that he should labor so hard to prove a doctrine of whose results he had so poor an opinion. Here our conversation closed.
"6th, I returned to Brookfield; just before I arrived at Middleton Corner I saw a funeral procession slowly moving toward the grave, and being so near the funeral I had attended when going down, it made a solemn impression on my mind. I said, Oh, may I be prepared for a similar scene! The 8th, after attending two meetings, rode to Wolfborough, where I arrived in the evening, much fatigued; the 9th, spoke for the first time to the people at Smith's Bridge; the 10th, returned to Brookfield; the 12th, spoke to the people from Job 20: 17, and though the rain, which fell very fast, prevented hundreds from attending, we had a very good time. At 7 o'clock I attended meeting at Wakefield, and as I visited from house to house on the 13th, I remember to have asked a lady whether she enjoyed the religion of Jesus, to which she replied, 'I do not intend to be a hypocrite;' I thought her purpose a good one, though her courtesy might have been a little improved. I was every where else kindly received. The 18th, 19th, 20th, 23d, 26th, and 28th, had good and effective meetings, the last appointment being at Epping, where I found the people low in the enjoyment of vital religion, and some who had by experience known the life and power of God, settled down upon their lees, or what, in Calvinistic phraseology, they would call the doctrines of grace. Grace then became my theme. I went so far as to say that not only all men, but beasts, birds, and fishes, were in a state of grace or favor with God, by which they are daily sustained. What oak or rose-bush can grow without the Creator's kindness? The 30th I spoke from Ps. 117: 7, 'Return unto thy rest, oh, my soul; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with thee.' Rev. N. Piper was present, and with many others, spoke, whilst the glory of God seemed to shine in our midst. The 31st I was sick at Mr. B.'s, whose kindness I can never forget. The Lord God alone can know whether I live through another month. If I do, oh, help me to live it more to thy glory than I have lived any month of my life."
No day of the month of June passed without an appointment to preach, as a glance at the journal shows; and among the travels recorded, is a journey to Providence, Rhode Island. At Canterbury, on his way, he speaks for the first time of hearing Elder Mark Fernald preach, June 10th, and on the 11th of hearing Elder Benj. Taylor, who addressed the meeting at Canterbury, fourteen ministers and many others being present. He says:
"The 16th, I spoke at the State House, Providence, R. I., and had a good time in preaching and in breaking of bread. The 17th, I rode to Boston, where I also spent the greater part of the 18th, visiting the Museum, which made a strong impression on my mind, and conversing with Mr. Elias Smith, with whom I put up. In the evening I enjoyed a very good time at Salem. The 23d, I went to hear Mr. Burgus, who spoke from Acts 8: 22, in which he stated that prior to prayer or any other duty, men must feel the love of God; also, that all who denied that Jesus Christ had come in the flesh, were false teachers, as are all those who regard him only as a man; for, said he, Christ is the Eternal God: there is none above him. When his afternoon meeting was closed, I arose and told the people I had two remarks to make on the sermon delivered in the morning, one in regard to prayer, the other in regard to Christ. You remember, I said to them, that the love of God was enjoined as preceding every acceptable prayer. I ask you to compare this statement with the order of facts contained in the gentleman's text, which are, 1. Repentance; 2. Prayer; 3. Forgiveness. 'Repent therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God, if perhaps the thought of thine heart may be forgiven thee.' As none contend that the enjoyment of the love of God precedes the forgiveness of sins, I am amazed at so bold a contradiction of the passage on which the sermon was professedly founded. I then noticed Christ, informing the people that I knew not the sect who held him to be merely a man, for who does not know that the most ultra of the Socinian school place him above all men in the divinity of his spiritual endowments? and what class, I inquired, could more plainly deny Christ than he had been denied a short time previous, by the statement that he is the Eternal God? I stated that I believed him to be the Son of God, the great Mediatorial Centre of grace to mortals, and that he has received all power in heaven and on earth. If he is the Father, he cannot be the Son; and if the plain declarations of the New Testament are to be relied on, it is certain that he was dependent on God, and that he knew One greater than himself, to whom he offered worship, and of whom he gave a new revelation.[25] About this time the clergyman saw fit to leave without offering any public remarks. I continued my address. At the close, many spoke of the love of Christ; and though we were deprived of the presence of the clergyman, we had, I think, the presence of God, which was far preferable. The 30th, met an attentive multitude at T. Burley's barn, to whom I spoke in the forenoon, from Ps. 11: 12, and in the afternoon from Eph. 4: 5, on baptism. Many spoke freely. We then retired to a pleasant water near by, where, with great satisfaction, I baptized six happy youth. Here closes one month more. O God, I pray thee to prepare me for all that may await me in the next."
July, 1816. We read of his being at Brookfield on the 1st, of his attending the funeral obsequies of Mr. L. J. Hutchins, at Wakefield, on the 2d, and of his spending the month industriously in the several places of his accustomed labor. Not far from this time there was in his mind a temporary conviction that he would select Providence, R. I., for his permanent residence, as he was anxious to concentrate his labors in one field, and no longer extend them over so wide a surface. Bearing date a few weeks later is a letter from Rev. Benj. Taylor, of Taunton, Mass., congratulating him on the change of his condition from single to married life, and earnestly inviting him to make the city of Providence his stand, assuring him that the condition of about thirteen churches within an area of forty miles called for his influence, ability, and zeal in their midst. Though Providence had the preference in his mind over the several places that occupied his attention as a permanent home, circumstances seemed to have ordained a different lot. He never became a citizen of that beautiful city.
July the 17th he was married to Miss Mary Jane Peavy, of Farmington, New Hampshire, daughter of Capt. Anthony Peavy, of that town. The lady that now became his companion in the cares, hopes, and sorrows of life, was of the tender age of eighteen; and though doubtless inexperienced in the trials that belong to the ministerial sphere, having been herself most carefully and tenderly brought up in one of the best of New England families, her devotion to her husband, and to the cause in which he was engaged, during the brief period of her life, was ever worthy of the noblest praise. All the letters and documents of these few years indicate a mutual depth of sentiment and devotional regard. So paramount, however, was the cause of the ministry in Mr. Badger's mind, that the happy and important change recorded of his social relations made no essential vacancy in the accustomed duties of his profession. The days and evenings as they passed were continually laden with his sermons and prayers.