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Riddles And Catches Why are cowardly soldiers like butter? Because they run when exposed to fire. Why is hot bread like a caterpillar? Because it's the grub that makes the butter fly. Why are ripe potatoes in the ground like thieves? Because they ought to be taken up. Why is an acquitted prisoner like a gun? Because he is taken up, charged, and then let off. Why is a beggar like a barrister? Because he pleads for his daily bread. Why are lawyers like scissors? Because they never cut each other, but only what is placed between them. Why is a newspaper like an army? Because it has leaders, columns, and reviews. Why is a prosy story-teller like a railway tunnel? Because he is a great bore. Why is a dun like a woodcock? Because he bores with his bill. Why is grass like a mouse? Because the cat'll (cattle) eat it. Why is the sun like a good loaf? Because it's light when it rises. Why is a plum-cake like the ocean? Because it contains many curra(e)nts. Why are tears like potatoes? Because they spring from the eyes. Why is Queen Victoria like a hat? Because they both have crowns. What is the difference between a steep hill and a large pill? One is hard to get up, the other is hard to get down. What is the difference between a pastry-cook and a billsticker? One puffs up paste, the other pastes up puffs. What is the difference between an auction and seasickness? One is the sale of effects and the other is the effects of a sail. Why is a photographic album like a drainer on a bar counter? Because it is often a receptacle for empty mugs. Why is an interesting book like a toper's nose? Because it is read (red) to the end. What relation is your uncle's brother to you, if he is not your uncle? Your father. What is the best throw of the dice? To throw them away. What tree clothes half the world?—Cotton. What tree gives milk? The cow tree. What tree is a city in Ireland?—Cork. What plant is a letter of the alphabet?—The Tea (T). What kind of bat flies without wings?—A brickbat. Why is a dog biting his own tail like a good manager? Because he makes both ends meet. Why is a dog's tail like the pith of a tree? Because it's the farthest from the bark. Why does a dog's tail resemble happiness? Because, run after it as he will, he cannot catch it. If the Devil lost his tail, where should he go to find a new one? To a gin palace, for bad spirits are retailed there. What key is hardest to turn?—A donkey. Why is a whirlpool like a donkey? Because it is an eddy. |
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What is it that smells most when you go into
a chemist's shop? Your nose. Why does a donkey prefer thistles to corn? Because he's an ass. Why is a lollypop like a horse? Because the more you lick it, the faster it goes. Why is a well-trained horse like a benevolent man? Because it stops at the sound of woe. I went to a wood and got it, I sat down to look for it, and brought it home because I could not find it— A thorn in my foot. Why is a naughty boy like a postage stamp? Because he is licked and put in the corner to make him stick to his letters. What is the difference between twice twenty-eight and twice eight and twenty. Twenty; because twice twenty eight is fifty-six, and twice eight and twenty is thirty-six. What grows less tired the more it works? A carriage wheel. What is that which increases the more you take from it? A hole. Why is a tight boot like an oak-tree? Because it produces a-corn. Who killed one-fourth of the people in the world? Cain, when he killed Abel, there being then only four people in it. Why is a retired milkman like the whale that swallowed Jonah? Because he took the profit out of the water. Where was Moses when the candle went out? In the dark. Why is your ear like a band of music? Because it has a drum in it. Why are book-keepers like chickens? Because they have to scratch for a living. Why is coffee like an axe with a dull edge? Because it must be ground before it is used. Why is a red herring like a mackintosh? Because it keeps one dry all day. Where are balls and routs supplied gratis? On the field of battle. Why is an omnibus like a medical student? Because it is crammed and allowed to pass. When has a person got as many heads as there are days in the year? On the 31st of December. What word is shorter for having a syllable added to it? Short. If I shoot at three birds on a tree, and kill one, how many will remain? None; they will all fly away. What should you keep after you have given it to another? Your word. Which would travel fastest—a man with one sack of flour on his back, or a man with two sacks? The man with two sacks, as they would be lighter than one sack of flour. Did you ever see a bun dance on a table? I often see abundance on the table. What does your ship weigh before she sets sail? She weighs anchor. What is an old woman like who is in the midst of a river? Like to be drowned. What is the difference between a school-master and an engine driver? One trains the mind, and the other minds the train. Who was the first man who went round the world? The man in the moon. Important Notice Wanted known to all of the name of Crooks, that Cole's Book Arcade contains 80,000 sorts of books. Wanted known to all not of the name of Crooks, that Cole's Book Arcade contains 80,000 sorts of books. Wanted known to all of the name of Blair that they can get almost any book they want there. Wanted known to all not of the name of Blair that they can get almost any book they want there. Wanted known to all of the name of Fitzgerald, Cole's was the first Book Arcade opened in the World. Wanted known to all not of the name of Fitzgerald, Cole's is still the only Book Arcade in the World. Wanted all intelligent persons of the name of Hall, to give Cole's Unique Book Arcade an early call. Wanted all intelligent persons not of the name of Hall, to give Cole's Unique Book Arcade a very early call. |
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Page 125—Riddles And Catches
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Riddles About Babies And Ladies
Why is a new-born baby like a gale of wind? Because it begins with a squall. When is a baby not a baby? When it is a little duck. Why is an infant like a diamond? Because it is a dear little thing. When is a soldier like a baby? When he is in arms. When is butter like Irish children? When it is made into little Pats. Why is a church-clock like a little boy often receiving a beating? Because it's hands move over it's face. Why is a boy like a potato? Because they both wear jackets. Why is the earth like a school black-board? Because the children of men multiply upon the face of it. Why does a ladies' school, out for a walk, resemble the notes of a flute? Because it goes two, two, two, two (toot-oot-oot-oot). What tree is a lady's name?—Olive. When do young ladies eat a musical instrument? When they have a Piano-for-tea. Why is a four-quart jug like a lady's side-saddle? Because it holds a gall-on. Why is a vain young lady like a confirmed drunkard? Because neither of them is satisfied with a moderate use of the glass. Why is a flirt like a hollow India-rubber ball? Because she is very empty and has a deal of bounce. What is the difference between a soldier and a fashionable young lady? One faces the powder and the other powders the face. Why does an engine resemble a young lady? Because it has a train behind, and puffs in the air (hair). If a bear were to go into a linen-draper's shop, what would he want? He would want muzzlin'. What is the difference between a bantam cock, and a dirty housemaid? One is a domestic foul and the other a foul domestic. What were the first words Adam said to Eve? Nobody knows. How is it proved that woman was created before man? Because Eve was the first maid (made). What Christian name is spelt the same way backwards and forwards? Hannah. What is the difference between a person late for the train and a school-mistress? One misses the train and the other trains the misses. What Miss is always making blunders? Mistake. What Miss plays more tricks than a schoolboy? Mischief. What miss occasions a great many quarrels? Mismanagement. What is that which ladies look for, and never wish to find? A hole in their stocking. What is that which a man nearly always wears in his sleep, frequently takes off and never puts on again? His beard. |
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This nice looking man with a beard, Remarked, "It's just as I feared; Four larks and a hen, two owls and a wren, Have all built their nests in my beard." What is that which has neither flesh nor bone, and yet has four fingers and a thumb? A glove. Why are ladies' dresses about the waist like a meeting? Because there is a gathering there, and sometimes a good deal of bustle. How does a well-fitting bonnet lose its identity? Because it "becomes" the lady who wears it. What is the sweetest thing in bonnets this season? The ladies' faces. Why is a kiss like a rumour? Because it goes from mouth to mouth. What is the difference between an accepted and rejected lover? The one kisses his misses, and the other misses his kisses. Why are pretty girls like fire-works? Because they soon go off. Why are good resolutions like fainting ladies? Because they want carrying out. Why are lovers like apples? Because they are often paired (pared). Why is first love like a potato? Because it shoots from the eyes and becomes all the less by pairing (paring). Which age do most girls wish to attain? Marri-age. What kind of men do women like best? Husband-men. What ties two people together, yet touches one? A wedding ring. Why should a man never marry a woman named Ellen? Because by doing so he rings his own Nell (knell). Why is the bridegroom more expensive than the bride? Because the bride is given away, while the bridegroom is usually sold. Why are ladies like bells? Because you seldom know what metal they are made of till you ring them. What money lasts longest when you get it? Matrimony. Why is matrimony like a besieged city? Because those who are in it wish to be out, and those who are out wish to be in. Why are some women like facts? Because they are stubborn things. Why are rough seats like domineering wives? Because they wear the breeches. Why are husband and wife ten, instead of one? Because the wife is number one and the husband goes for nought. Why was the Archbishop of Canterbury like the late Prince Consort? Because he married the Queen. Why is a nugget of gold found at Bendigo like the Prince of Wales? Because it is the produce of Victoria and like to become a sovereign. Why are ladies great thieves? Because they steel their petticoats, bone their stays, and crib their babies. In what month do ladies talk the least? In February; because it's the shortest. What is the difference between ladies and clocks? One makes us remember time, and the other makes us forget it. Why is an empty room like another full of married people? Because there is not a single person in it. |
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Popular Errors The commonly received notion that a man may marry his first cousin, but must not marry his second is not true; but it is quite true that Cole's Book Arcade is in Bourke Street, Melbourne, about half-way between Swanston and Elizabeth Sts. The rumour that a Yankee Gentleman had invented a machine to take the noise out of thunder has turned out not to be true; but it is quite true that Cole's Book Arcade is open from nine in the morning to ten at night, every working day in the year. The fact that Cole's Book Arcade contains 80,000 sorts of books is not the cause of the sea being salt—of coca-nuts containing milk— of the growth of big gooseberries, nor of the multitude of great big fibs told annually about a sea-serpent. It is not true that cats will suck the breath of children when they are asleep, but it is quite true that Cole's Book Arcade contains one interesting cat and 80,000 sorts of interesting books. N.B.—The likeness of Cole's Cat can be seen on page 153. |
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