Cole's Funny Picture Book No. 1

by E. W. Cole

Page 126—Riddles And Catches

Riddles And Catches Which is the greatest peer that England ever produced? Shakespeare. What is the grandest verse in existence? The universe. What is the greatest stand ever made for civilisation? The inkstand. What is that which, although black itself, enlightens the world? Ink. What is that which is full of knowledge, and yet knows nothing? A book-case. What is that which you and every living man have seen, but can never see again? Yesterday. What is that which no man ever did see, which never was, but always is to be? To-morrow. What thing is that that is lower with a head than without one? A pillow. What volume is sure to bring tears to your eyes? A volume of smoke. What is that which has form without substance, and size without weight? A shadow. Name me and you break me. Silence. What is that which renders life inert, and yet restores it? Sleep. Formed long ago, yet made today, Employed while others sleep, What few would like to give away, Nor any wish to keep. A bed. What is that which flies high, flies low, wears shoes, and has no feet? Dust. What is that of which the common sort is best? Sense. What is that which we often return yet never borrow? Thanks. Name that bird which, if you do not, you must die? Swallow. What is that which you cannot hold for ten minutes although it is "as light as a feather?" Your breath. What is that which never was seen, felt, nor heard, never was and never will be, and yet has a name? Nothing. What is that which Adam never saw, never possessed, and yet gave two to each of his children? Parents. What is that we wish for, and when we have obtained we never know we have it? Sleep. When is it that a person ought not to keep his temper? When it is a bad one. What is yours, and is used by others more than yourself? Your name. Can a man's pocket be empty when he's got something in it? Yes: when he's got a big hole in it. What is better than presence of mind in a railway accident? Absence of body. Melbourne, Hotham, Collingwood, Prahran, Richmond, Emerald Hill, and Cole's Book Arcade, all begins with an A. Why is a penny like a black cat at Cole's Book Arcade? Because it has a head and a tail.

Why is Cole's Book Arcade like a Crocodile? Because it can't jump over the moon. Why is Cole's Book Arcade like a learned man? Because it is well stocked with literature. What is that which goes every morning at eight o'clock from the Post Office to Cole's Book Arcade, and every evening at six o'clock from the Parliament House to Cole's Book Arcade, without moving? Bourke Street. How many sides are there to Cole's Book Arcade? Four. 1st, the right side; 2nd, the left side; 3rd, the outside; and 4th, the inside, where the 80,000 sorts of books are. What are the oldest tops in the world? Mountain tops. Which is the oldest table in the world? The multiplication table. What kind of ship has two mates and no captain? A courtship. What is that which is lengthened by being cut at both ends? A ditch. What is that which one can divide, but cannot see where it has been divided? Water. What is that which gives a cold, cures a cold, and pays the doctor? A draft. What is the worst kind of fare for a man to live on? Warfare. What vice is it that the greatest criminals shun? Ad-vice. What is that which is often found where it is not? Fault. What is that which we often catch hold of, and yet never see? A passing remark. What is that which is often brought to the table, often cut, but never eaten? A pack of cards. What is that which is full of holes and yet holds water? A sponge. What window in your house is like the sun? The skylight. What word is it of five letters, of which two being removed one only one will remain? St-one. What is that from which if the whole be taken some will remain? The word "wholesome". What word contains all the vowels in their proper order? Facetious. How would you express in one word having met a doctor of medicine? Metaphysician. Why is a nobleman like a book? Because he has a title. Why is the alphabet like the mail? Because it consists of letters. Why is a book like a tree? Because it has many leaves.

Mechanical Advertisement The idea of a machine to go by perpetual motion is perpetual nonsense. Multitudes of boys and men have wasted much valuable time in trying to find it, but they never can, as it is contrary to natural laws, and therefore impossible; but one certainty of the future is, that a million useful flying machines will flit hither and thither; and one certainty of the present is, that while Cole's Book Arcade contains 80,000 sorts of books, not a single person has yet been able to come to it for a supply in a flying machine.—Laggard inventors, think of this! N.B.—Cole once invented a flying machine, but it wouldn't work!

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Page 127—Riddles And Catches

Riddles And Catches If a man has twenty sick (six) sheep and one of them dies, how many will remain? Nineteen. Can a leopard change his spots? Yes: when he is tired of one spot he can go to another. Why does a piebald pony never pay a toll? Because his master pays it for him. Where are you sure to find pity in the worst of misfortunes? In the dictionary. Where did the witch of Endor live? At Endor. What is most like a cat's tail? A kitten's tail. What is that which no other animal but a cat possesses? Kittens. What is the colour of a green-plot covered with snow? Green. When is a man not a man? When he is a muff. If a stone were thrown at you and fell into the water, what would it become? Wet. What is the oldest tree in Australia? The Elder. What trees bear the most fruit for the Market? The axle-trees. Why is a clock not wound up, like a mile-stone? Because it stands still. What is the easiest thing for a nigger to do? Keep dark. How can you make a currant cake without currants? Put only one currant into it. Which letters are never out of fashion? F A S H I O N. Why is your nose like St. Paul's? Because it is flesh and blood. Why do white sheep furnish more wool than the black ones? Because there are more of them. What makes a pair of boots? Two. What did Adam first plant in his garden? His foot. How can a boy make his jacket last? By making his coat and waistcoat first. She was plump and beautiful, and he was wildly fond of her; she hated him, yet woman-like, she strove to catch him. What was he? He was a flea. What is the difference between six dozen dozen and half a dozen dozen? One is six gross and the other is six dozen. What is that which a man can put into his right hand but never into his left? His left elbow. What is that which a man with two eyes cannot see with one? T'other eye. Spell and pronounce the word Pot, without saying Teapot? Cautiously start a conversation about coins, and the ask, "Did you ever see any of those coins two of which make eighteen pence?" Of course they will say "no"; then show them a shilling and a sixpence, and you "have" them. Would you rather an elephant killed you or a gorilla? Rather the elephant killed the gorilla.

When Shall We Three Meet Again? One donkey has met another donkey and now there are two donkeys, as you see and you have to guess where the third donkey is: if you cannot guess it, some kind friend will tell you. There was a donkey on one side of a river and some hay on the other side. The donkey wanted the hay, but he couldn't swim over the river, jump over it, nor cross the bridge. How could he manage it? Do you give up? Yes. Answer—That is what the other donkey did. Repeat This With A Friend 1. I went up one pair of stairs; 2. Just like me. 1. I went up two pair of stairs; 2. Just like me. 1. I went into a room; 2. Just like me. 1. I looked out of a window; 2. Just like me. 1. And there I saw a donkey; 2. Just like me. "Around the rugged rocks the ragged rascals ran a truly rural race." Repeat this five times quickly without a mistake and see what it will come to? A room with eight corners had a cat in each corner seven cats before each cat and a cat on every cat's tail. What was the total number of cats? Eight cats. Speaking of persons who have educated themselves, I once knew a person who educated himself, and guess how the fellow spelt "Cat." You could not guess in a year? Answer.—"Kat," No. "Catt," No. "Katt," No. Give it up? Yes. "Cat." Why is a cow's tail like a swan's bosom? Because it grows down. When is a horse's head where it's tail should be? When his tail is towards the manger. What should a clergyman preach about? About half-an-hour. Although I've neither legs not feet, I'm only useful when I go; I have no tongue, but yet I tell What hundreds want to know. A watch. My sides are firmly laced about, Yet nothing have within; You'll find my head is straight indeed, 'Tis nothing else but skin. A drum. Repeat This With A Friend 1. I am a gold lock; 2. I am a gold key. 1. I am a silver lock; 2. I am a silver key. 1. I am a brass lock; 2. I am a brass key. 1. I am a lead lock; 2. I am a lead key. 1. I am a monk lock; 2. I am a monk key. Mind Your Punctuation King Charles 1. spoke half-an-hour after his head was cut off. Every lady in this land Has twenty nails upon each hand Five and twenty hands and feet All this is true without deceit. I saw a peacock with fiery tail I saw a blazing comet drop down hail I saw a cloud wrapped with ivy round I saw an oak creep upon the ground I saw a monkey swallow up a whale I saw the sea brimful of ale I saw an ale glass full fifteen feet deep I saw a well full of men's tears that weep I saw red eyes all of a flaming fire I saw a house bigger than the moon and higher I saw the sun at twelve o'clock at night I saw the man that saw this wondrous sight. The Husband's Petition Come hither my heart's darling, come sit upon my knee And listen while I whisper a boon I ask of thee. I felt a bitter craving—a dark and deep desire That glows beneath my bosom like coals of kindled fire. Nay, dearest, do not doubt me, though madly this I speak— I feel thine arms about me, thy tresses on my cheek; I know the sweet devotion that links thy heart with mine— I know my soul's emotion is doubly felt by thine. And deem not that a shadow has fallen across my love; No, sweet, my love is shadowless as yonder heaven above. Oh, then, do not deny me my first and fond request, I pray thee, by the memory of all we cherish best— By that great vow that made thee my darling and my bride; Thou wilt not fail nor falter, but bend thee to the task. Put buttons on my shirt love—that's all the boon I ask!