“For the miserable cowards and loafers who witnessed the premeditated violence upon us in front of the post office, and did not interfere, this paper has the most withering contempt. Their craven names are known, and this journal will remember them.
“To Constable Hawkins, who arrested the assailant, this paper—on behalf of the public—extends its thanks. Constable Hawkins is an officer of whom our town may well be proud. We wish him a long life of health and happiness. We may mention, parenthetically, that Constable Hawkins and his charming wife Sundayed with us two weeks ago and a delightful time was had by one and all.
“To the misguided and mentally unbalanced females, who are daily sending flowers and sundry cooked dainties to the county jail, this paper has nothing to say. With the exception of one of them, who was a witness at the trial, and who shall here be nameless, they all have male relatives whose duty is plain. The names of these women are known and will be preserved in the archives of this paper for future reference. There are certain rumors being whispered about on our streets, that, from high motives of public policy, will not find a place in our columns until later.
“The sheriff is being quietly and severely criticized by many citizens, whose good opinion is worth something to him at election time, for permitting these indulgences to a criminal in his charge.
“We have always given our unqualified support to Sheriff Butts when he has been a candidate, and we hope that we will not be compelled to change our opinion regarding his fitness for the office. He will do well to ponder. The eye of The Index is upon him.
“The editor of this paper is pleased to announce, to relieve the public mind, that we are recovering from our undeserved injuries, and will soon be ourselves again. We feel deeply indebted to Dr. Ignace Stitt for the wonderful professional skill with which he attended us. The Doctor’s practice is increasing rapidly, and he is now the foremost physician in our county. His office is over Ed Bang’s drug store, and he is among the most valued subscribers of this paper.
“We and our wife thank our kind friends who have sent us watermelons, and other delicacies, during our confinement.
“As a stern challenger of injustice, and an alert defender of the right, The Index will ever, as in the past, be in the forefront. Its battle axe will gleam in the turmoil of the conflict, and on it will shine our mottos—Sic Semper Tyrannis, and Honi soit qui mal y pense.”
I laid the paper down with the conviction that if the Colonel’s life previous to his arrival in the river country had been as rapid as he had been living it since he came, his “memoahs” would be quite a large volume.
“Now, suh,” said he, “I want to relate to you the inside history of that robbery, suh. I want to show you how it is possible foh a puffectly innocent man, with puffectly good intentions, to get into a predicament in this Gawd fo’saken no’the’n country.