13. Surliness or moroseness is incompatible also with politeness. Such as, should any one say ‘he was desired to present Mr. Such-a-one’s respects to you,’ to reply, ‘What the devil have I to do with his respects?’ ‘My Lord enquired after you lately, and asked how you did,’ to answer, ‘If he wishes to know, let him come and feel my pulse;’ and the like. A good deal of this often is affected; but whether affected or natural, it is always offensive. A man of this stamp will occasionally be laughed at, as an oddity; but in the end will be despised.
14. I should suppose it unnecessary to advise you to adapt your conversation to the company you are in. You would not surely start the same subject, and discourse of it in the same manner with the old and with the young, with an officer, a clergyman, a philosopher, and a woman. No; your good sense will undoubtedly teach you to be serious with the serious, gay with the gay, and to trifle with the triflers.
15. There are certain expressions which are exceedingly rude, and yet there are people of liberal education that sometimes use them; as ‘You don’t understand me, Sir,’ ‘It is not so.’ ‘You mistake.’ ‘You know nothing of the matter, &c.’ Is it not better to say? ‘I believe, I do not express myself so as to be understood.’ ‘Let us consider it again, whether we take it right or not.’ It is much more polite and amiable to make some excuse for another, even in cases where he might justly be blamed, and to represent the mistake as common to both, rather than charge him with insensibility or incomprehension.
16. If anyone should have promised you any thing, and not have fulfilled that promise, it would be very unpolite to tell him, he has forfeited his word; or if the same person should have disappointed you, upon any occasion, would it not be better to say, ‘You were probably so much engaged, that you forgot my affair;’ or, ‘Perhaps it slipped your memory;’ rather than, ‘You thought no more about it,’ or ‘you pay very little regard to your word.’ For, expressions of this kind leave a sting behind them. They are a kind of provocation and affront, and very often bring on lasting quarrels.
17. Be careful not to appear dark and mysterious, lest you should be thought suspicious; than which there cannot be a more unamiable character. If you appear mysterious and reserved, others will be truly so with you; and in this case there is an end to improvement, for you will gather no information. Be reserved, but never seem so.
18. There is a fault extremely common with some people, which I would have you to avoid. When their opinion is asked, upon any subject, they will give it with so apparent a diffidence and timidity, that one cannot, without the utmost pain, listen to them; especially if they are known to be men of universal knowledge. ‘Your Lordship will pardon me,’ says one of this stamp, ‘if I should not be able to speak to the case in hand, so well as it might be wished.’—‘I’ll venture to speak of this matter to the best of my poor abilities and dulness of apprehension.’—‘I fear I shall expose myself, but in obedience to your Lordship’s commands’—and while they are making these apologies, they interrupt the business and tire the company.
19. Always look people in the face, when you speak to them, otherwise you will be thought conscious of some guilt, besides, you lose the opportunity of reading their countenances, from which you will much better learn the impression your discourse makes upon them than you can possibly do from their words; for words are at the will of every one, but the countenance is frequently involuntary.
20. If in speaking to a person, you are not heard, and should be desired to repeat what you said, do not raise your voice in the repetition, lest you should be thought angry, on being obliged to repeat what you said before; it was probably owing to the hearer’s inattention.
21. One word only, as to swearing. Those who addict themselves to it, and interlard their discourse with oaths, can never be considered as gentlemen; they are generally people of low education, and are unwelcome in what is called good company. It is a vice that has no temptation to plead, but is, in every respect, as vulgar as it is wicked.
22. Never accustom yourself to scandal, nor listen to it; for though it may gratify the malevolence of some people, nine times out of ten, it is attended with great disadvantages. The very persons you tell it to, will, on reflection, entertain a mean opinion of you, and it will often bring you into very disagreeable situations. And as there would be no evil speakers, if there were no evil hearers, it is in scandal as in robbery; the receiver is as bad as the thief. Besides, it will lead people to shun your company, supposing that you will speak ill of them to the next acquaintance you meet.