23. Mimickry, the favourite amusement of little minds, has been ever the contempt of great ones. Never give way to it yourself, nor ever encourage it in others; it is the most illiberal of all buffoonery; it is an insult on the person you mimick; and insults, I have often told you, are seldom forgiven.
24. Carefully avoid talking either of your own or other people’s domestic concerns. By doing the one, you will be thought vain; by entering into the other, you will be considered as officious. Talking of yourself is an impertinence to the company; your affairs are nothing to them; besides they cannot be kept too secret. And as to the affairs of others, what are they to you? In talking of matters that no way concern you, you are liable to commit blunders, and should you touch any one in a sore part, you may possibly lose his esteem. Let your conversation, then, in mixed companies, always be general.
25. Jokes, bon-mots, or the little pleasantries of one company, will not often bear to be told in another; they are frequently local, and take their rise from certain circumstances, a second company may not be acquainted with; these circumstances, and of course your story, may be misunderstood, or want explaining; and if after you have prefaced it with,—‘I will tell you a good thing;’—the sting should not be immediately perceived, you will appear exceedingly ridiculous, and wish you had not told it. Never then without caution repeat in one place, what you hear in another.
26. In most debates, take up the favourable side of the question; however, let me caution you against being clamorous, that is, never maintain an argument with heat, though you know yourself right; but offer your sentiments modestly and coolly, and if this does not prevail, give it up, and try to change the subject by saying something to this effect—‘I find we shall hardly convince one another, neither is there any necessity to attempt it; so let us talk of something else.’
27. Not that I would have you give up your opinion always; no, assert your own sentiments, and oppose those of others, when wrong; but let your manner and voice be gentle and engaging, and yet no ways affected. If you contradict, do it with, ‘I may be wrong, I won’t be positive, but I really think—I should rather suppose—If I may be permitted to say,’ and close your dispute with good humour, to shew that you are neither displeased yourself nor meant to displease the person you dispute with.
28. Acquaint yourself with the character and situations of the company you go into, before you give a loose to your tongue; for, should you enlarge on some virtue, which any one present may notoriously want; or should you condemn some vice, which any of the company may be particularly addicted to, they will be apt to think your reflections pointed and personal, and you will be sure to give offence. This consideration will naturally lead you, not to suppose things said in general, to be leveled at you.
29. Low-bred people, when they happen occasionally to be in good company, imagine themselves to be the subject of every separate conversation. If any part of the company whisper, it is about them; if they laugh, it is at them; and if any thing is said which they do not comprehend, they immediately suppose it is meant of them. This mistake is admirably ridiculed in one of our celebrated comedies, ‘I am sure,’ says Scrub, ‘they were talking of me, for they laughed consumedly.’ Now, a well-bred person never thinks himself disesteemed by the company, or laughed at, unless their reflections are so gross, that he cannot be supposed to mistake them, and his honour obliges him to resent it in a proper manner; however, be assured, gentlemen never laugh at, or ridicule one another, unless they are in joke, or on a footing of the greatest intimacy. If such a thing should happen once in an age, from some pert coxcomb, or some flippant woman, it is better to seem not to know it, than to make the least reply.
30. It is a piece of politeness not to interrupt a person in a story, whether you have heard it before or not. Nay, if a well-bred man is asked whether he has heard it; he will answer no, and let the person go on, though he knows it already. Some are fond of telling a story, because they think they tell it well, others pride themselves in being the first teller of it, and others are pleased at being thought entrusted with it. Now, all these persons you would disappoint by answering yes. And, as I have told you before, as the greatest proof of politeness is to make every body happy about you, I would never deprive a person of any secret satisfaction of this sort, in which I could gratify him by a minute’s attention.
31. Be not ashamed of asking questions, if such questions lead to information; always accompany them with some excuse, and you never will be reckoned impertinent. But abrupt questions, without some apology, by all means avoid, as they imply design. There is a way of fishing for facts, which, if done judiciously, will answer every purpose, such as, taking things you wish to know for granted; this will perhaps lead some officious person to set you right. So again, by saying, you have heard so and so, and sometimes seeming to know more than you do, you will often get at information, which you would lose by direct questions, as these would put people on their guard, and frequently defeat the very end you aim at.
32. Make it a rule never to reflect on any body of people, for, reflections of this nature create many enemies. There are good and bad of all professions; lawyers, soldiers, parsons, or citizens. They are all men, subject to the same passions, differing only in their manner, according to the way they have been bred up in. For this reason, it is unjust, as well as indiscreet, to attack them as a CORPS collectively. Many a young man has thought himself extremely clever in abusing the clergy. What are the clergy more than other men? Can you suppose a black gown can make any alteration in his nature? Fie, fie; think seriously, and I am convinced you will never do it.