Why are the bars of a convent like a blacksmith's apron? Because they keep the sparks off.
In what condition is a beer-barrel when it resembles old-fashioned curtains? When it's tap is dry (tapestry).
Why can the pall-bearers at a young lady's funeral never be dry? Because they have a gall on a bier between them.
What is the best day for making pancakes? Fry-day.
Why is a pair of skates like an apple? Because they have both occasioned the fall of man.
On a frosty day, what are the best fishes to fasten together? Skates, soles, an' (h)eels.
In what sort of syllables ought a parrot to be taught to speak? In polly-silly-bills.
Why is it dangerous for a teetotaler to have more than two reasons for the faith that is in him? Because three scruples make a dram.
What is the best key to a good dinner? Turkey.
Why is your favorite puppy like a doll? It is a pup-pet.