Why may a beggar wear a very short coat? Because it will be long enough before he gets another.
What part of a lion is a new-born infant like? His tail, because it was never seen before.
Why can you never expect a fishmonger to be generous? Because his business makes him sell-fish.
Why is a judge's nose like the middle of the earth? Because it's the center of gravity.
What is the gentlest kind of spur? A whisper.
Why should not soldiers meddle with nutcrackers? Because they make the shells burst on the kernel (colonel).
Why is a hammer like a general? It goes to the head, and settles the point of a tack (attack).
What is the best material for kites? Flypaper.
What two reasons are there why a young lady going to the altar is certainly going wrong? She is miss-taken and miss-led.
When does the tongue assume the functions of the teeth? When it back-bites.