Why do girls kiss each other, and men not? Because girls have nothing better to kiss, and men have.
If I kiss a lady by mistake, what weapon do I use? A blunderbuss.
Why would young ladies of the present day make good pugilists? Because they are eager to enter the ring at sixteen, and willing to make a match with a man twice their own size any day.
When is a man a muff? When he holds a lady's hand without squeezing it.
When is a man a spoon? When he touches a lady's two lips without kissing them.
How would you measure a lover's sincerity? By his sighs (size).
When is music like vegetables? When there is two beats (beets) to a measure.
Why is the Outlook like a man of fourscore? Because it's weekly.
Why is a false oath like a trial in the criminal court? Because it is per-jury.
Why are doctors always wicked men? Because the worse people are the more they are with them.