What herb is there that cures all diseases? Thyme.
An upholsterer rebuked his apprentice because he was not nimble enough at his work, and had not his nails and hammer in readiness when he should use them; and said that when he himself was an apprentice he was taught to have his nails at his fingers' ends.
What does that young man deserve who loves always to be in a playhouse? A box.
One expressed surprise that there were so many pickpockets about the streets, notwithstanding that there was a watch at every corner. It was answered that this was all one, for a pickpocket would as gladly meet with a watch as with anything else.
One who was skilled in writing shorthand offered to teach a lawyer's clerk his skill, but the latter thanked him for his offer, and told him that they could not live by making short hand of anything.
A coward related to his friend that one had given him a box upon the ear, but that he, instead of returning the blow, had turned to him the other ear also. The friend replied, "Sure, there was a great fight betwixt you, when blows were given on both sides."
The word Interpreter is derived from Inter-prater, for one that prated betwixt two that spoke several languages.
A company of gentlemen entered a tavern whose sign was the Moon, and called for a quart of sack. The drawer told them that they had none, and that the man in the Moon always drank claret.
A countryman, being asked how a certain river which ran through that country was called, replied, that they never had need to call the river, for it came without calling.
A country fellow who was unaccustomed to paved streets, came to London, and a dog suddenly ran out of one of the houses and came furiously at him. The fellow stooped to pick up a stone to throw at the dog, but finding them all fast rammed or paved into the ground, exclaimed, "What a strange country am I in, where the people tie up the stones, and let the dogs loose!"