A justice of the peace, angry with a pilfering knave, said, "Sirrah, if thou dost not mend thy manner, thou wilt be shortly hanged, or else I will be hanged for thee." The bold knave replied, "I thank your worship for that kind offer, and I beseech your worship not to be out of the way, when I shall have occasion to use you."
A sailor riding from Dover to London on a tired horse, was urged by his companions to ride faster. "I can come no faster," he replied. "Do you not see that I am becalmed?"
Between twelve and one o'clock one asked me what o'clock it was. I answered, "Little or nothing." He demanded what I meant. I replied that, it being not one of the clock, it was to be reckoned or counted for naught, as that which is less than one is little or nothing.
(James the First and his successor created knights profusely for the purpose of raising money. From this fact grew the following conundrum:) Why did a knight take place of a gentleman? Because they were knights nowadays before they were gentlemen.
Why do fat men love their ease so much? Because the soul in a fat body lies soft, and is therefore loath to rise.
Who is he that has a fine wit in jest? A fool in earnest.
One, hearing that a traveler had been on the peak of Teneriffe (which is supposed to be one of the highest hills in the world), asked him why he had not stayed there, for he was sure he would never come so near heaven again.
What countryman is the devil? A Spaniard; for Spaniards, like the devil, trouble the whole world. (1600.)
Musicians may be compared to chameleons, because they live by air.
What countryman is a ploughman? They are all born in Hungary.