What is the greatest instance of cannibalism on record? When a rash man ate a rasher.
What tree bears the most fruit to market? The axle-tree.
How is it that trees can put on new dresses without "opening their trunks"? Because they leave out their summer clothing.
What is the difference between a potato and a soldier? One shoots from the eye, the other from the shoulder.
What is the difference between a beehive and a diseased potato? None at all; one is a bee-holder (beholder), the other a speck'd tatur (spectator).
What is the difference between a piece of honeycomb and a black eye? One is produced by a laboring bee, the other by a belaboring.
Why are country girls' cheeks like well-printed cottons? Because they are warranted to wash—and keep color.
Why are volunteers like old maids? Because they are always ready, but never wanted.
Why would young ladies make good volunteers? Because they are accustomed to bare arms.
What is the difference between love and war? One breaks hearts, the other heads.