What makes a pet dog wag his tail when he sees his master? Because he's got one to wag.
What other edifice does a man sometimes carry about with him besides a sty in his eye? A castle in the (h)air.
When is a fast young man nearest heaven? When on a lark.
When is a cigar like a shoulder of pork? When it's smoked.
When is a man most likely to get floored (flawed)? When he's up late (a plate), and so runs a chance of becoming cracked.
What are the features of the cannon? Cannon-mouth, canon-ize, and cannon-eers.
Who always sits with his hat on before the queen? Her coachman.
Why is a pig in the drawing-room like a house on fire? Because the sooner it is put out the better.
When is a river not a river? When it is eye water (high water).
What trade never turns to the left? A wheelwright.