Why is a department store like a country sewing circle? Because it has so many notions.
Why is a music teacher like a baseball coach? Because he frequently says, "Try that last run over again."
What is the difference between a bright scholar and shoe polish? One shines at the head, the other at the foot.
What is a better investment the worse it is? A tenement.
When does a musician fail? When he is unable to discount his notes.
Why is a jeweler like a prisoner in solitary confinement? Because he has too much time on his hands.
When is a doctor like a cross-tempered man? When he is losing his patients.
Under what circumstances are a builder and a newspaper reporter equally likely to fail? When they make up stories without foundations.
Why is a hack-horse a miserable creature? Because his mind is always on the rack, and his only consolation is woe (whoa!).
Why is a good joke like the modern ballot box? Because it is the greatest repeater known to history.