Why is a dressmaker braver than an actor? Because she is not afraid of the hook.
Why is the aspiring poet about to approach an editor with his verses like a consumptive? Because he's going into a decline.
Why is turkey a fashionable bird? Because he always appears well dressed.
Why should a candle-maker never be pitied? Because all his works are wicked, and all his wicked works, when brought to light, are only made light of.
How would you increase the speed of a very slow boat? Make her fast.
Why is matrimony like an invested city? Because when we are out of it we wish to be in it, and when we are in it we wish to be out of it.
Why is a person of short stature like an almanac? Because he is often looked over or over-looked.
Why is a certain kind of coach like the exclusive option on a certain girl's kisses? Because it's an omnibus.
Why are seasick excursionists like a strong opposition in Congress? Because they are opposed to the motion.
Why is the aëronaut whose airship plows into the earth like a successful speculator? Because he has taken a flier in real estate.