Why is a waiter like a race-horse? He often runs for a plate or a cup.
Why is a good story like a church bell? Because it is often tolled (told).
What is the weight of the moon? Four quarters.
How can you distinguish a fashionable man from a tired dog? One wears an entire costume; the other simply pants.
What is the difference between a new sponge and a fashionable man? If you well wet one it makes it swell, but if you well wet the other it takes all the swell out of him.
If I were to see you riding on a donkey, what fruit should I be reminded of? A pair (pear).
Why are cats like unskillful surgeons? Because they mew-till-late and destroy patience (mutilate and destroy patients).
When may you be said literally to "drink in" music? When you have a piano for-tea (forte).
What is the difference between a professional pianoforte player, and the one who hears him? One plays for his pay, the other pays for his play.
Why is a thief like a bolus given to a lady? Because he's a pilferer (pill for her).