Sometimes the professor would press for a little more variety; and was invariably met either with “Avez vous etez on board le Colossus?” (the guardship at Portland), or “Avez vous etez a Weymouth?”
There was a cadet at one time who possessed an abnormal development in the matter of aural appendages; and who, moreover, was able to fold his ears in, and cause each in succession suddenly to unfold. His appearance was naturally most grotesque under these circumstances, and his performances in the French study were a source of unfailing joy to his companions. He would “furl” his ears before commencing the stereotyped conversation with the professor, and solemnly let one out in the middle, gazing at the master meanwhile with an expression of childlike innocence.
Among the evening recreations, in the winter especially, there were frequently songs and choruses in the messroom, particularly if there happened to be one or two cadets with an aptitude for singing and a good repertoire of songs. There was one lad there in the latter part of the year 1862 who was remarkable in this respect, and his songs were always in request. One of the prime favourites was an extraordinary “descriptive” ballad about a certain “King of Otaheité,” in which a variety of well-known airs were introduced. As it is probably quite out of date and unknown to our readers of the present generation, it shall be immortalised in these pages.
Once on a time there lived a king
Of Otaheité, of Otaheité;
Once on a time there lived a king,
A king of Otaheity
Who, when he only frowned, ’tis said
The people all were filled with dread
For fear that each should lose his head
By the king of Otaheity.
Now this monarch’s name was Tanta-paran
Mesopotamia, Cou-di-caran,
And some people thought him a fine-looking man,
A remarkably fine-looking man.
His nose was large, so was his mouth;
When one eye looked north, the other looked south;
His face was as broad as a big frying pan;
Such a beautiful monarch was Cou-di-caran!
Now this king called his messengers
And picked out two or three,
Saying, “Rascals, stir your stumps, and tell
My friends to come to me
At half-past five for tea.
Mind that you’ve everything fit for my table:
Human flesh, herbs, and rice,
Everything else that’s nice.
Run now, you rascals, as fast as you’re able;
Run, run!”
Then there came both great and small,
Handsome, ugly, short, and tall;
Fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers,
Friends, relations, and many others.
Some were dressed in Sunday’s best,
Gaily, too, were all the rest.
Fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers,
Friends, relations, and many others.
But a lady who was present
By the crowd was jostled so,
That she kept treading, treading, treading
On the king of Otaheity’s toe!
On his bad toe!
On the king of Otaheity’s toe!
I grieve that I should mention it,
Or that it should be heard;
It was not her intention; it
Was not, upon my word.
The king he had an ugly corn,
Which sorely did him fret;
If you had heard the row he made
You never could forget.