CHAPTER XXIV
On the last day of the month Adar, as I remember, we left the young man Tobias behind us: and about three or four days afterwards, to wit on the third or fourth day of the month Nisan (which is the month of the Passover), we came down to the valley of Jordan over against Jericho. Now therefore there wanted but ten days to the fourteenth day of the month, which is the great day of the Passover. As the time drew nigh for our entering into Jerusalem, Judas began to complain very bitterly that Jesus neither strengthened nor encouraged his followers like a wise leader, but kept back some from following, and others, which followed, he made to be of a faint heart. Especially he reproached Jesus for that he did not set forth the Kingdom in clear words; “For,” said he, “two or three words would suffice, if Jesus would but tell us plainly the when and the where thereof; but now he speaketh darkly, saying at one time, that it is at hand; at another time, that it is among us; anon, that it is still distant; then, that we must strive to enter into it. Wherefore, to what is this Kingdom of God like? Even to a mist, which taketh many different shapes, because it hath no substance.”
Now Jesus seemed to me to perceive what was in the [pg 300]mind of Judas, and to be grieved thereat; but he took no note thereof in our presence, although Judas had been these many days turning his heart from our Master and inclining himself to leave him. For indeed he had by this time begun to repent that he had ever joined himself to Jesus. Notwithstanding even now, at certain seasons, while Jesus was speaking, Judas was drawn towards him as in old times; but, as it were, perforce, and in spite of himself. Hence it came to pass that he was sorely distracted in his mind, being tossed now this way, now that, like unto a troubled sea. For sometimes, upon no apparent cause, he would break out into protestations of love for Jesus; but at other times, when he thought no one was at hand (yea, and even in our hearing when the passion was on him) he would rage and fume that he had ever left Kerioth for to join such a leader as this, declaring that Jesus would ruin all them that followed him, and saying that he could well-nigh hate him as a blind leader of the blind.
Oftentimes hath it been marvelled how it should come to pass that Jesus should have chosen Judas to be one of his apostles; for he knew what was in men. Why therefore did our Master choose for an apostle one that should afterwards betray him? But the answer which Quartus giveth is this, that, at the first, perchance Jesus did not know that Judas would betray him; yea, and had not Judas hardened himself against Jesus, he might have become a chosen vessel of the Lord.
For, at the first, Judas was no traitor, nor like unto one that should be a traitor; but of a sanguine complexion and disposition, cheerful even to mirthfulness, and frank on a first acquaintance; not given to [pg 301]musing nor premeditating; but active and strenuous, and withal a lover of Israel: albeit perchance somewhat too ambitious and less ready in friendship than in counsel. From a child his mind was ever given to great purposes; and towards these ends he bent all his faculties: for he was of a deep understanding, skilled in the ways of men, and of a discerning spirit, quick to perceive what means were fit to accomplish his ends. But the mischief was that the power to understand was quicker in him than the power to love; for his understanding moved as a flame of fire, but his heart was very cold.
When he first became acquainted with our Master, he straightway clave unto him as unto a great leader of the people, who was like to redeem Sion. Howbeit his heart went not out to Jesus as the heart of John the son of Zebedee, and as the heart of Simon the son of Jonah. For I remember once, when I questioned Simon Peter for what cause he first joined himself to Jesus, Peter said, “Because he had been drawn unto Jesus he knew not how, and by the hand of the Lord”; but Judas said, “Nay, but thou speakest as a sheep or a goat, in whom there is feeling but no understanding: but I applied myself to him with deliberation, as deeming him to be the fittest instrument to do good unto Sion.”
Now perchance because Judas gave not so much of his heart unto our Master, for this cause he received not so much back again; wherefore he grew not in spirit like the rest, but went backward rather than forward. And when he found that Jesus of Nazareth was not to be used as an instrument, no not even to do good to Sion; then he began to repent that he had joined himself [pg 302]unto him. Afterwards, when Jesus first took upon him to forgive sins, this was, as it were, the turning-point in the course of Judas. For he was sore disturbed at that time, insomuch that he carried his searchings of heart written even upon his countenance. For he was much moved to have poured himself out before Jesus of Nazareth, beseeching him to take away the coldness of heart, and to give him a heart of flesh. Howbeit Satan hindered it, taking advantage of his pride; for the man was always very proud, and had hitherto been foremost among the apostles; nor could he brook now to step down from his high place and to make himself even as one of the sinners. Wherefore he opened himself not to Jesus, but hardened himself against the voice of the Lord within him.
Yet methinks the conflict was no light one in his heart; and even to the last, he could scarce refrain from giving himself up to Jesus. And, as it seemed to me, for this cause Jesus called him to be one of the Twelve, perceiving how great gifts the Lord had bestowed upon him, and also hoping, by this means, perchance, to have cast out the jealousy and the pride from his heart, and in the end, to have drawn him wholly towards himself. For if Judas could have felt that he was altogether trusted, even as the chief of all the apostles, then belike he would have cast away the pride whereon he clothed himself, and would have opened his heart to our Master; and then verily he would have been a light in Israel, not less than the greatest of the apostles. But it was not so to be; for it was otherwise willed by the Inscrutable.
So it came to pass that, from the time when he was [pg 303]rebuked by Jesus, as I have related above (though in truth the rebuke was not more for Judas than for the rest of the disciples), Judas withdrew himself more and more from Jesus and from the other disciples; neither would he speak freely nor ask questions as before, but he moved the other disciples to question Jesus in his stead. Yet notwithstanding when Jesus exhorted or rebuked us, Judas would ever take the rebuke unto himself above all, and say that Jesus pointed at him, though he did not mention him by name. Then would he fume and rage and depart in anger, and avoid the rest for many hours together. But when he came among the disciples, he would sow strife among us with speech of passion and jealousy; so that he was, as it were, a thorn in the side of the Master.