His self-denying apostles also have left us neither example nor precept in justification of such wanton and evil amusements; but we are exhorted by them to redeem the time, because the days are evil, and to use diligence to make our calling and election sure, and to follow them as they followed Christ: there is not a word of learning to dance, or of dancingmasters, but an exhortation to abstain from all idle and vain sports, and foolish talking and jesting, which are contrary to Christian gravity, and to the self-denying example of the blessed Jesus, who, when personally on earth, was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and, therefore, the house of mourning is recommended to all who are wise in heart, for it is the fool’s heart only that is captivated in the house of mirth.
My apprenticeship being now expired, I gradually withdrew from the company of my former associates, became more acquainted with Friends, and was more frequent in my attendance of meetings; and although this was in some degree profitable to me, yet I made but slow progress in my religious improvement, until several years after I had entered into a married state. The occupation of part of my time in fishing and fowling had frequently tended to preserve me from falling into hurtful associations; but through the rising intimations and reproofs of divine grace in my heart, I now began to feel that the manner in which I sometimes amused myself with my gun was not without sin; for although I mostly preferred going alone, and while waiting in stillness for the coming of the fowl, my mind was at times so taken up in divine meditations, that the opportunities were seasons of instruction and comfort to me; yet, on other occasions, when accompanied by some of my acquaintances, and when no fowls appeared which would be useful to us after being obtained, we sometimes, from wantonness or for mere diversion, would destroy the small birds which could be of no service to us. This cruel procedure affects my heart while penning these lines; but my gracious Redeemer was drawing my mind from such low amusements, and I was led to consider conduct like this to be a great breach of trust, and an infringement of the divine prerogative. It therefore became a settled principle with me, not to take the life of any creature, except it was really useful and necessary when dead, or very noxious and hurtful when living. And, in exercising this privilege, we ought to be careful to do it in the most mild and tender manner in our power; for I think every candid mind must be convinced, that the liberty we have for taking the lives of other creatures, and using their bodies to support our own, is certainly an unmerited favour, and ought to be received by us as the bounty of our great benefactor, and be acknowledged with great humility and gratitude.
I have likewise from reflection, founded on observation, and from the nature and reason of things, been led to believe, that we frequently err by the liberty we take in destroying what we esteem noxious creatures; and not only abuse the power given us over them by our great Creator, but likewise act very contrary to our own true interest. For, as all in the beginning was pronounced good that the good God had made, we ought not to destroy any thing that has life, for mere gratification. It is our indispensable duty, as reasonable accountable beings, wisely to ponder our ways, and consider the consequent effect of all our conduct; for if we are to give an account of every idle word, how much more so of every presumptuous act.
In the twenty-second year of my age, apprehending it right to change my situation from a single to a married state, and having gained an intimate acquaintance with Jemima Seaman, daughter of Jonathan and Elizabeth Seaman, of Jericho, and my affection being drawn towards her in that relation, I communicated my views to her, and received from her a corresponding expression of affection; and having the full unity and concurrence of our parents and friends, we, after some time, accomplished our marriage at a solemn meeting of Friends, at Westbury, on the 2d of 1st month, 1771. On this important occasion, we felt the clear and consoling evidence of divine truth, and it remained with us as a seal upon our spirits, strengthening us mutually to bear, with becoming fortitude, the vicissitudes and trials which fell to our lot, and of which we had a large share in passing through this probationary state. My wife, although not of a very strong constitution, lived to be the mother of eleven children, four sons and seven daughters. Our second daughter, a very lovely promising child, died when young with the small pox, and the youngest was not living at its birth. The rest all arrived to years of discretion, and afforded us considerable comfort, as they proved to be in a good degree dutiful children. All our sons, however, were of weak constitutions, and were not able to take care of themselves, being so enfeebled as not to be able to walk after the ninth or tenth year of their age. The two eldest died in the fifteenth year of their age, the third in his seventeenth year, and the youngest was nearly nineteen when he died. But, although thus helpless, the innocency of their lives, and the resigned cheerfulness of their dispositions to their allotments, made the labour and toil of taking care of them agreeable and pleasant; and I trust we were preserved from murmuring or repining, believing the dispensation to be in wisdom, and according to the will and gracious disposing of an all-wise providence, for purposes best known to himself. And when I have observed the great anxiety and affliction, which many parents have with undutiful children who are favoured with health, especially their sons, I could perceive very few whose troubles and exercises, on that account, did not far exceed ours. The weakness and bodily infirmity of our sons tended to keep them much out of the way of the troubles and temptations of the world; and we believed that in their death they were happy, and admitted into the realms of peace and joy: a reflection, the most comfortable and joyous that parents can have in regard to their tender offspring.
In the spring after our marriage, my wife’s relations gave me an invitation to come and live with them, and carry on the business of their farm, they having no other child than her. I accepted this proposal, and continued with them during their lives, and the place afterwards became my settled residence. My advantages, in a religious point of view, were greater than before; as I had the benefit of the company of several worthy Friends, who were my neighbours, and by whose example I was frequently incited to seriousness and piety; yet, having entered pretty closely into business, I was thereby much diverted from my religious improvement for several years. But, about the twenty-sixth year of my age, I was again brought, by the operative influence of divine grace, under deep concern of mind; and was led, through adorable mercy, to see, that although I had ceased from many sins and vanities of my youth, yet there were many remaining that I was still guilty of, which were not yet atoned for, and for which I now felt the judgments of God to rest upon me. This caused me to cry earnestly to the Most High for pardon and redemption, and he graciously condescended to hear my cry, and to open a way before me, wherein I must walk, in order to experience reconciliation with him; and as I abode in watchfulness and deep humiliation before him, light broke forth out of obscurity, and my darkness became as the noonday. I had many deep openings in the visions of light, greatly strengthening and establishing to my exercised mind. My spirit was brought under a close and weighty labour in meetings for discipline, and my understanding much enlarged therein; and I felt a concern to speak to some of the subjects engaging the meeting’s attention, which often brought unspeakable comfort to my mind. About this time, I began to have openings leading to the ministry, which brought me under close exercise and deep travail of spirit; for although I had for some time spoken on subjects of business in monthly and preparative meetings, yet the prospect of opening my mouth in public meetings was a close trial; but I endeavoured to keep my mind quiet and resigned to the heavenly call, if it should be made clear to me to be my duty. Nevertheless, as I was, soon after, sitting in a meeting, in much weightiness of spirit, a secret, though clear, intimation accompanied me to speak a few words, which were then given to me to utter, yet fear so prevailed, that I did not yield to the intimation. For this omission, I felt close rebuke, and judgment seemed, for some time, to cover my mind; but as I humbled myself under the Lord’s mighty hand, he again lifted up the light of his countenance upon me, and enabled me to renew covenant with him, that if he would pass by this my offence, I would, in future, be faithful, if he should again require such a service of me. And it was not long before I felt an impressive concern to utter a few words, which I yielded to in great fear and dread; but O the joy and sweet consolation that my soul experienced, as a reward for this act of faithfulness; and as I continued persevering in duty and watchfulness, I witnessed an increase in divine knowledge, and an enlargement in my gift. I was also deeply engaged for the right administration of discipline and order in the Church, and that all might be kept sweet and clean, consistent with the nature and purity of the holy profession we were making; so that all stumbling blocks might be removed out of the way of honest inquirers, and that truth’s testimony might be exalted, and the Lord’s name magnified, “who is over all, God blessed for ever.”
A war, with all its cruel and destructive effects, having raged for several years between the British Colonies in North America and the mother country, Friends, as well as others, were exposed to many severe trials and sufferings; yet, in the colony of New-York, Friends, who stood faithful to their principles, and did not meddle in the controversy, had, after a short period at first, considerable favour allowed them. The yearly meeting was held steadily, during the war, on Long Island, where the king’s party had the rule; yet Friends from the Main, where the American army ruled, had free passage through both armies to attend it, and any other meetings they were desirous of attending, except in a few instances. This was a favour which the parties would not grant to their best friends, who were of a warlike disposition; which shows what great advantages would redound to mankind, were they all of this pacific spirit. I passed myself through the lines of both armies six times during the war, without molestation, both parties generally receiving me with openness and civility; and although I had to pass over a tract of country, between the two armies, sometimes more than thirty miles in extent, and which was much frequented by robbers, a set, in general, of cruel unprincipled banditti, issuing out from both parties, yet, excepting once, I met with no interruption even from them. But although Friends in general experienced many favours and deliverances, yet those scenes of war and confusion occasioned many trials and provings in various ways to the faithful. One circumstance I am willing to mention, as it caused me considerable exercise and concern. There was a large cellar under the new meeting-house belonging to Friends in New-York, which was generally let as a store. When the king’s troops entered the city, they took possession of it for the purpose of depositing their warlike stores; and ascertaining what Friends had the care of letting it, their commissary came forward and offered to pay the rent; and those Friends, for want of due consideration, accepted it. This caused great uneasiness to the concerned part of the Society, who apprehended it not consistent with our peaceable principles to receive payment for the depositing of military stores in our houses. The subject was brought before the yearly meeting in 1779, and engaged its careful attention; but those Friends, who had been active in the reception of the money, and some few others, were not willing to acknowledge their proceedings to be inconsistent, nor to return the money to those from whom it was received; and in order to justify themselves therein, they referred to the conduct of Friends in Philadelphia in similar cases. Matters thus appearing very difficult and embarrassing, it was unitedly concluded to refer the final determination thereof to the yearly meeting of Pennsylvania; and several Friends were appointed to attend that meeting in relation thereto, among whom I was one of the number. We accordingly set out on the 9th day of the 9th month, 1779, and I was accompanied from home by my beloved friend John Willis, who was likewise on the appointment. We took a solemn leave of our families, they feeling much anxiety at parting with us, on account of the dangers we were exposed to, having to pass not only the lines of the two armies, but the deserted and almost uninhabited country that lay between them, in many places the grass being grown up in the streets, and many houses desolate and empty. Believing it, however, my duty to proceed in the service, my mind was so settled and trust-fixed in the divine arm of power, that faith seemed to banish all fear, and cheerfulness and quiet resignation were, I believe, my constant companions during the journey. We got permission, with but little difficulty, to pass the outguards of the king’s army at Kingsbridge, and proceeded to Westchester. We afterwards attended meetings at Harrison’s Purchase, and Oblong, having the concurrence of our monthly meeting to take some meetings in our way, a concern leading thereto having for some time previously attended my mind. We passed from thence to Nine Partners, and attended their monthly meeting, and then turned our faces towards Philadelphia, being joined by several others of the Committee. We attended New Marlborough, Hardwick, and Kingwood meetings on our journey, and arrived at Philadelphia on the 7th day of the week, and 25th of 9th month, on which day we attended the yearly meeting of Ministers and Elders, which began at the eleventh hour. I also attended all the sittings of the yearly meeting until the 4th day of the next week, and was then so indisposed with a fever, which had been increasing on me for several days, that I was not able to attend after that time. I was therefore not present when the subject was discussed, which came from our yearly meeting; but I was informed by my companion, that it was a very solemn opportunity, and the matter was resulted in advising that the money should be returned into the office from whence it was received, accompanied with our reasons for so doing: and this was accordingly done by the direction of our yearly meeting the next year.
The yearly meeting closed on the 2d day of the following week; and feeling my health a little restored, though still very weak, I left the city, and was taken by my kind friend John Shoemaker to his house. The next morning being rainy, and being still unwell, I rested here during the day, but my companion proceeded to attend the monthly meeting at the Falls. The next day I went to Byberry meeting, after which I rode with our valuable friend James Thornton to John Watson’s, at Middletown, where I was again joined by my companion. We attended their monthly meeting, and found things in but poor order, and discipline at a low ebb, for want of faithful standard bearers. We then attended meetings, to some satisfaction, at Wright’s Town, Plumbstead, and Buckingham. From thence we proceeded to the monthly meeting at Hardwick, where things appeared very low as to the right exercise of discipline; but feeling our minds engaged, we laboured, in the ability received, for their assistance and encouragement. After this we passed on to the Drowned Lands, and attended a meeting with the few Friends of that place, and some others who came in; but things, pertaining to religion, seemed at a very low ebb with them, which makes hard work for the poor traveller. From thence we went pretty directly to Nine Partners, and after having two meetings there, we proceeded to Oswego and Apoquague, and then to the monthly meeting at Oblong, in all which meetings truth was exalted, and I left them with peace of mind. We then turned our faces homeward, and after going a few miles on our way, we were overtaken by a constable, with a warrant from a magistrate to bring my companion before him, who, after examination, committed him to a board of commissioners, as a dangerous person to travel at such a time. We were led to believe, on inquiry, that this interruption was merely the fruit of envy, and occasioned by two acquaintances of my companion, who had fled from the Island for refuge. However, after a short detention, which gave me an opportunity of visiting a few families of my relations, and of attending a small meeting which I had passed from in some heaviness before, he was set at liberty, and we attended the quarterly meeting at Oblong. After this we passed on, taking meetings at Peachpond, Amawalk, and the monthly meeting at Purchase, and from thence proceeded home. I found my family well, which, together with the preservations and favours experienced in our journey, impressed my mind with thankfulness and gratitude to the great and blessed author of all our mercies. I was from home in this journey about nine weeks, and rode about eight hundred and sixty miles.
After the close of the aforesaid journey, I felt my mind engaged to make a general visit to Friends on the Main belonging to our yearly meeting; and with the concurrence of Friends, and in company with William Valentine, who, under a like concern, had agreed to be my companion, I left home on the 1st of the week, and 4th of 3d month, 1781, in order to accomplish the same. We sat with Friends in our own meeting, and then proceeded to Flushing; and the next day, the commanding officer of the king’s troops at this place permitting us, we crossed the Sound to Frog’s Neck, and lodged with our friend Joseph Caustin. On the following day we attended an appointed meeting at Westchester, and then went forward, taking meetings as they came in course for fifteen days successively, the last at Little Nine Partners: and although in many places meetings appeared in a low state, as to the life of religion, yet, through divine favour, help was afforded, insomuch that I generally left them with the satisfactory evidence, that my way had been rightly directed among them.
After the last mentioned meeting we set forward towards Saratoga, and lodged that night at an inn. The innkeeper’s wife, in the course of some conversation, discovered that my companion and I were from Long Island, where the king’s party bore rule; and she, being a friend to their cause, seemed to wonder much, that we should leave them, and come out among the Americans, signifying that if she was there, she should not be willing to come away; and when I informed her that I expected we should shortly return thither again, her admiration was still more excited, and she was surprised how we should dare to act so: whereupon I took occasion to acquaint her how we stood in regard to the contending parties; informing her that as we took no part in the controversy, but were friends to them and to all mankind, and were principled against all wars and fightings, the contending powers had such confidence in us, and favour towards us, that they let us pass freely on religious accounts, through both their armies without interruption; a privilege, which they would not grant to their own people. This account made her marvel greatly, having never heard of the like before. She acknowledged it was very good, and wished for herself that she could come into the same situation, but said she could not, unless she first had retaliation for the wrongs she had received, after which, she said she should be willing to forgive them; not considering, that there was nothing to be forgiven, where full pay or satisfaction had been received. Nevertheless, this is the natural condition and disposition of all worldly-minded men and women, who have not known, through the powerful influence of the gospel of Christ, the work of regeneration and the new birth, whereby they might experience redemption from such a malicious and revengeful spirit.