First day, the 9th. We had a comfortable favoured meeting to-day. My mind was set at liberty to preach the gospel in the clear demonstration of the spirit; and to show unto the people that the reason why they were not healed of their many infirmities, was not because there was not “balm in Gilead,” and “a Physician there;” but because they were not willing to seek him in the right way, and receive him in the way of his coming, which is inwardly, as a refiner with fire, or a fuller with soap; to purify from all the old leaven of self, and to cleanse the heart from all self-righteousness, and self-sufficiency; that a thorough crucifixion of the old man, with all his unrighteous deeds may be witnessed; and the creature set at liberty to serve the Lord in newness of life. The meeting closed with solemn supplication and thanksgiving to the Lord for his continued mercy.
Second, third, and fourth days. Spent in my family affairs, mostly attended with sweet peace of mind; although accompanied with much bodily pain, which is more or less my common lot. But what a great portion of severe bodily pain may be endured without a murmuring thought, while accompanied with true peace of mind, and a conscience void of offence toward God and man: a rich consoling treasure.
Fifth day. This being the time of our preparative meeting, at which our queries were answered, I had to admonish Friends to feel deeply after their own states. For as it is by individuals that meetings are composed, so every individual ought to know how far his particular state corresponds with what is queried after; that so by a united labour, and an inward investigation of our own particular states, we may be enabled to form true and righteous answers to the superiour meetings. For if they are false, it will be accounted lying and that not unto men, but unto God; and thereby our queries be rendered very hurtful to us, instead of being helpful.
Sixth and seventh days. I occupied myself in my usual business, not feeling any particular religious draft; except the necessity of keeping up the daily watch, that no intruding thoughts lead into temptation, or prevent my daily converse with the God of my salvation; whose presiding fear, I have long experienced to be the only sure antidote against all evil.
First day, the 16th. My mind was led forth in our meeting to-day in a large clear testimony, clothed with gospel authority, which was introduced with the following apostolic exhortation: “Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.” I was led to show that this undissembling love was not to be known by man in his fallen nature; but only by the regenerated soul, the new man in Christ, who had come to know, in degree, a partaking of the divine nature, as no other nature is congenial with this love; a love, which the beloved apostle tells us, casteth out all fear. It was a season of favour, thankfully to be remembered.
The remaining part of this week was principally employed in helping to gather in our harvest, except attending our monthly meeting on fifth day, and preparative meeting of Ministers and Elders on sixth day: both of which were rather dull, poor meetings. Alas! how the cares and cumbers of this world, like thorns and briars, choke the good seed and prevent its bringing forth fruit. Be watchful, O my soul! that so thou mayest know thy seed time and harvest not to fail.
First day, the 23d. My present allotment is a state of depression and poverty of spirit: but considering myself deserving thereof, I do not complain. In this condition I accompanied my family to meeting as the best thing I could do, not feeling the least qualification to be in any degree useful to myself or to others; except in a voluntary surrender of myself to be any thing or nothing, as He, who has a right to dispose of his own workmanship at his own pleasure, should see meet. But I had not sat long in this submissive state, before a prospect presented to my mind, that opened to a field of labour, in which I had to espouse the Master’s cause, and demonstrate to the people present the just and indubitable right he had to them and all their labours, without the promise of any reward: and that our true and real felicity, in time and in a future state, solely depended on this complete and willing surrender of ourselves and all we have, to his holy and gracious will; as nothing short thereof can produce our real sanctification and adoption.
Second and third days. Nothing occurred worthy of particular notice.
Fourth day. Was our quarterly meeting of Ministers and Elders, held at Westbury. I attended under great depression and poverty of spirit, which sealed my lips, as to any communication, the greater part of the meeting. I sat resigned to my lot, and heard my friends, or some of them, express their exercise, which was principally directed to Ministers and Elders, especially in regard to an honest, careful exercise of their gifts as such; and also alluding to the dulness and want of life that too generally attended those meetings. I felt very little effect wrought in the meeting from their labour, and could take no part in it; but as I sat patiently waiting, and endeavoured quietly to endure the cloud that was spread as a veil over the meeting; it clearly opened on my mind, that it was not brought over us in consequence of a deficiency in ministers, as it respects their ministerial gifts, nor from a want of care in elders in watching over them; but from a much more deep and melancholy cause, viz: the love and cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches; which, springing up and gaining the ascendency in the mind, choke the good seed like the briars and thorns, and render it fruitless; and produce such great dearth and barrenness in our meetings. As the matter spread with a degree of animation on my mind, I found it my place, near the close of the meeting, to open the prospect and sound an alarm to Friends, which appeared to have a quickening effect on many minds, and enabled us at parting, to renew our trust in the Almighty arm of divine sufficiency, and still to believe that the Lord had not altogether forsaken his people, but was mindful of the seeking remnant of his heritage, and continued his gracious calls to his backsliding children.
Fifth day. Was the meeting for discipline. It was likewise rather an exercising season, but I hope attended with some profit.