Politeness infuses into visits of some little ceremony, a coloring of modesty, grace, and deference, which should be preserved with the greatest care.
In speaking, it is always proper to give the name of Sir, Madam, or Miss, and if the sentence is somewhat long, the title ought to be repeated. If the question is with regard to answering in the affirmative or negative, we ought never to say roughly yes or no.
[p107]
If the person addressed has a title, or that which he has from his profession, we should give it him, as Count, Doctor, &c. In case we meet with many persons of the same profession, we can then distinguish them, adding their name to the title.
A lady will not say, my husband, except among intimates; in every other case, she should address him by his name, calling him Mr. It is equally good ton that except on occasions of ceremony, and while she is quite young, to designate him by his christian name.
But when one speaks to a gentleman of the lady to whom he is married, he should not say your wife, unless he is intimately acquainted, but Mrs. such-a-one, is the most proper. The rules of politeness in this respect, are the same in speaking of the husband.
When we speak of ourself and another person, whether he is absent or present, propriety requires us to mention ourselves last. Thus we should say he and I, you and I.
When you relate a personal occurrence, the circumstances connected with which are honorable to yourself, and a distinguished person had also a share in the honor, you should only mention him, and instead of the plural form, we resolved, we did such a thing, you should forget yourself, and say, Mr. N. [p108] resolved, or did such a thing so and so. Delicacy will dictate this degree of modesty to you, and your superior in his turn will proclaim at his own expense, your merit on the occasion.
We know that the word false is not to be found in the dictionary of politeness, and that when we are obliged to deny the assertion of any one, we employ apologetical forms. The most proper ones are such as the following: I may be mistaken, I am undoubtedly mistaken, but,... Be so good as to excuse my mistake, but it seems to me,... I ask pardon, but I thought, &c. Those persons are but ill-bred, who think to soften down a denial merely by expressions of doubt. They say, if what you advance is true, if what madam says is positive, &c. With these forms, they think they comply with the rules of politeness. It is incivility with affectation.
However persons may say invidiously that forms avail much in the world, I agree with them, but in quite another sense.
We should never ask a thing of any one without saying, will you have the goodness, will you do me the favor, will you be so good, &c.