In a circle, we should not pass before a lady; and should never present any thing by extending the arm over her, but we pass round behind, and present it. In case we cannot do it, we say, I ask your [p109] pardon, &c. To a question which we do not fully comprehend, we never answer, Ha? What? but, Be so good as, &c. Pardon me, I did not understand.
Never refuse with disdain a pinch of snuff, and rather than disoblige people, take one, even if you throw it away, after having pretended to take it. Beware of presenting to ladies, in balls or assemblies, a box of sweet things, under penalty of having the air of a caricature.
If you strike against any one in the least, ask pardon for it immediately. The other should at the same time answer you, It is nothing, nothing at all, &c., even if the blow should have been violent.
It is customary to employ the few moments of a visit of mere politeness, in looking at the portraits which adorn the fireplace, and even taking them down, if you are invited to do it. It would be the extreme of impoliteness, to say that they were flattered, or to pretend to recognize in the portrait of a young lady, the likeness of an elderly lady, or of one less favored by nature. It would moreover be improper to make long compliments; indirect, and ingenious praise, is all that is proper.
[p110]
SECTION II.
Of Questions, and frequently recurring Expressions.
It is an axiom of propriety that we should never speak of ourselves, (except to intimate friends) and that we should converse with strangers about themselves, and everything which can interest them. Questions are therefore necessary, but they demand infinite delicacy and tact, in order neither to fatigue nor ever wound the feelings. If, instead of expressing a mild and heartfelt interest, you ask a dry question dictated by a cold curiosity; if you seem to pay no attention to the answers which you call forth; if you mal-adroitly take a commanding tone; if you prolong without bounds this kind of conversation; if, perceiving that you are embarrassed, and that you endeavor to save yourself by an evasive answer, instead of keeping silence, you witness the foolish regrets of your indiscretion; be assured that both your questions and yourself will be considered as a torment.
Madame Necker ingeniously observes that these favorite and frequently repeated terms with which we fill our conversation, serve, ordinarily as a mark [p111] of people’s character. ‘Thus,’ says she, ‘those who exceed the truth are in the habit of saying, You may rely upon it, it is the truth; long talkers say, In a word, to be brief; and the proud say, Without boasting,’ &c. This striking observation is well founded, and consequently we ought to take good care not to let people into the secret of our peculiarities.
But, independently of this motive, it is necessary for us carefully to avoid frequently recurring words, as in time, habit multiplies them to an inconceivable degree. They embarrass and overwhelm our conversation, turn away the attention of those who listen to us, and render us importunate, and ridiculous, without our being able to perceive it.
If habitual terms, which on no other account are reprehensible, can become so troublesome, what results may these trite phrases, trivial expressions, and vulgar transitions produce, when they become frequent!