I was now a "novice" and I must present myself every two weeks to the mistress of novices, and in order that she may direct my soul in the spiritual life, I must kneel to her in private and make what is called "manifestation of conscience." That is, to lay bare my heart and mind in everything I can possibly think of, excepting grave sins. If the mistress, who is a cunning director, has any dislike for any of the novices, this exercise is very cruel, for these "saintly" nuns know better than any one on earth how to cunningly torture those in their power—the system forcing them to it.
Every week I had to go to the priest for confession, whether I had anything to confess or not. Very often I had to search my heart and mind to find something to tell this "Christ" in the confessional.
Soon after I became a "novice," we were called to the novitiate for spiritual instruction. "Father" Louis de G. Schram was the chaplain. An orphan boy had been taken out of the orphanage on account of one of the younger sisters having talked a little too much. "Father" Schram said, "Now, sisters, always tell the truth, but to tell the truth you do not have to tell everything you know. Suppose, Sister O'Brien, if somebody would come and ask you, 'Is Johnny Morgan here?' you would not have to say 'Yes, Johnny Morgan is here.' You place one hand in the sleeve of the other hand, and you say, 'No, Johnny Morgan is not here,' and you will mean that Johnny Morgan is not up your sleeve."
This story was given as a spiritual instruction, but it very truly represents the system I lived for thirty-one years—deception, from beginning to finish. With teachings of this nature constantly before us, it was a case of lying, stealing, thieving and "swipping" among ourselves, from morning till night, to make life a little more comfortable for ourselves.
A novice is not allowed to talk in general conversation with a professed sister during her novitiate period, with the exception of the mistress of novices and the mother superior. These two sisters, and the priest, are the only confidents we have, as we are taught to talk among ourselves on religious subjects only, and if we hear another novice talking in any other subject or breaking any other rule, it is our duty by rule and conscience to report her to the mistress of novices. We are told that we are all "monitors," which means, carry the reports to the mistress of novices.
This practice destroys confidence and causes us to regard one another with suspicion, the result of which is distrust and hatred, and a general spy system. This is one of the most devilish practices taught in this part of a sister's life, one that stays with her throughout her whole sisterhood. Tattling, accusing, charging one another with the most trivial, cruel, and very often wicked acts. Many times the sister accused is innocent of any wrong doing, but there is nearly always a penance imposed upon her, and if she is not in the good grace of the mother superior, the penance is often very severe.
"Father" Louis de G. Schram (Johnny Morgan Story)