From the first day we enter, we are not allowed to send or receive mail, without it first being censored. This is another manner Rome has of keeping the girls in the convent after they are once there. The practice of censorship of mail is absolutely against the postal laws of the country, but it is done in the convents every day. Why should the postal authorities permit the continuous disregard for the laws? Are the sisters in the convents American citizens and under the protection of the laws of the country, or are they not American citizens? If you would open mail belonging to some other person, unless you could give a very good reason for so doing, you would find yourself in the clutches of the law, and would have to account to the Federal government. But you never hear of a superior of a convent being held for opening another sister's mail. Why this discrimination? Is it not breaking the law in one instance the same as the other?
While I was in the novitiate, a letter that I had written to my parents, was returned to me by the mistress of novices, with the instruction that I rewrite it and leave certain parts out, as it would cause my people to think that I was not happy. Yes, dear reader, that is it exactly. It did not make any difference how I felt, whether I was happy or not, the fact was that I was in the convent, seemingly, for better or worse. It was the impression I left on the outer world that Rome was most interested in.
The fact of the matter is, that I was not happy and wished to leave, but did not know what to do or where to go. I knew that I would not be welcomed in my own home or among Roman Catholics, and with the bringing up I had received and under the influence of this religious training, I believed it impossible to be saved among Protestants. Several times I made mention of my unhappiness to the Master of Novices in the confessional. He implored me to be faithful and God would reward me, and if I was not faithful there was small chance of saving my soul.
Nearly always after telling the Master of Novices of the unhappiness in the convent, he would, at the next "spiritual" instruction, give us a long talk about girls who had lost their vocation by leaving the convent, and that they nearly all came to a bad end.
My dear reader, you can readily understand why more of these poor, deluded sisters do not leave these institutions, when, from the very beginning these principles are ground in their very hearts and minds until they become as one bound, tied and gagged.
CHAPTER IV.
A Virgin Spouse of Christ
My First Mission