whilst he was meditating, behold Fate, turned upon him such an iron-black scowl, as made him tremble. “Sirrah,” said he, “look to what you do. It is not in my power to send any one back, through the boundary of eternity, the irrepassable wall, nor in yours to harbour them here; therefore forward them to their destruction, in spite of the Arch Fiend. He has been able hitherto, in a minute to allot his proper place to every individual, in a drove of a thousand, nay, even of ten thousand captured souls; and what difficulty can he have with seven, however dangerous they may be. But though these seven should turn the infernal government topsy-turvy, do you drive them thither instantly, for fear I should receive commands to annihilate you before your time. As for his threats, they are only lies; for although thy end, and that of the old man yonder, (looking at Time,) are nigh at hand, being written only a few pages further on, in my unerring volume, yet you have no cause to be afraid of sinking to Lucifer; though every one in the abyss would be glad to obtain thee, yet they never, never shall. For the rocks of steel and eternal adamant, which form the roof of Hell, are too strong for anything to crumble them.” Whereupon, Death, considerably startled, called to one of his train, to write for him the following answer.
“Death, the king of Terror and Conqueror of conquerors, to his revered friend and neighbour Lucifer, king of Eternal Night, sovereign of the Bottomless Pool, sends greeting.
“After due reflection on your regal desire, it has appeared to us more advantageous, not only to our own dominion, but likewise to your own extensive kingdom, to send these prisoners, as far as possible from the doors of the irrepassable wall, lest their putrid odour should terrify the whole city of Destruction, so that no man should come to all eternity, to my side of the gate; and neither I obtain any thing to cool my sting, nor you a concourse of customers from earth to hell. Therefore I will leave to you to judge them, and to hurl them into such cells, as you may deem the most proper and secure for them.
“From my nether palace in the great gate of Perdition, over Destruction. In the year, from the renewal of my kingdom, 1670.”
At hearing all this, I felt a great curiosity to know who these seven people could be, whom the devils themselves held in so much dread. But ere a minute had elapsed, the clerk of the crown called their names, as follows:—Master Meddler, alias Finger in Every Dish; but he was so vehement and busy in advising the others, that he could not get a moment’s time to answer for himself, until Death threatened to transfix him with his dart.
Then master Slanderer was called, alias Enemy of Fair Fame; but there was no answer. “He is too modest to hear his titles,” said the third, “and he never can bear his nicknames.” “Do you suppose,” said the Slanderer, “that you yourself have no titles. Call for,” said he, “master Coxcomb, alias Smooth Gullet, alias Poison Smile.” “Ready,” said a woman who was there, pointing to the Coxcomb. “O,” said he, “madam Bouncer! Your humble servant, I am overjoyed at seeing you well. I have never seen a woman look handsomer in breeches. But, oh! to think how miserable the country must be behind you, for want of its admirable she-governor;
yet your delightful company will make hell itself something better.” “O son of the arch fiend!” said she. “With you there is no need of another hell, you are yourself enough.” Then the cryer called Bouncer, or mistress Breeches. “Ready,” said another. But she said not a word, for want of being called madam. Next was called Contriver of Contrivances, alias Jack of all Trades; but he returned no answer either, for he was busied in devising a way to escape. “Ready, ready,” said one behind, “here he is, looking out for an opportunity to break through your palace, and unless you take care, he will have some notable contrivance to baulk you.” Said the Contriver, “call him, I beseech you, master Impeacher of his Brother, alias Searcher of Faults, alias Framer of Complaints.” “Ready, ready, this is he,” said a litigious pettifogger, for every one knew the name of the other, but would not acknowledge his own. “You shall be called,” said the Impeacher, “master Litigious Pettifogger, alias the Courts Comprised.” “Bear witness, I pray you all,” said the Pettifogger, “as to what the knave called me.” “Ho, ho!” said Death, “not by the baptismal font, but by his sins, is every one called in this country; and, with your permission, master Pettifogger, the names of your sins are those which shall stick to you henceforth for ever.” “Hey,” said the Pettifogger, “I swear by the Devil that I will make you smart for this. Though you are empowered to kill me, you have no authority to bestow nicknames upon me. I will file a complaint against you for defamation, and another for false imprisonment, against you and your friend Lucifer, in the court of Justice.”
By this time, I beheld the legions of Death, formed in order and armed, with their eyes fixed upon the king, awaiting
the word. “There,” said the king, standing erect upon his regal throne, “my terrible and invincible hosts, spare neither care nor diligence in removing these prisoners from out of my boundaries, lest they prove the ruin of my country; cast them bound, over the precipice of Despair, with their heads downward. But for the seventh, this Courts Comprised, who threatens me, leave him free over the chasm, beneath the court of Justice, and let him try whether he can make his complaint good against me.” Then Death reseated himself. And lo! all the deadly legions, after surrounding the prisoners and binding them, led them away to their couch. I also went out, and peeped after them. “Come away,” said Sleep, and snatched me up to the top of the highest turret of the palace. Thence I could see the prisoners proceeding to their eternal perdition. Presently a whirlwind arose, and dispersed the pitch-black cloud, which was spread universally over the face of the land of Oblivion, and by the light of a thousand candles, which were burning with a blue flame, at a particular place, I obtained a far distant view of the verge of the Bottomless Gulf, a sight exceedingly horrible; and also of a spectacle above, still more appalling, namely Justice upon his supreme seat, holding the keys of Hell, at a separate and distinct tribunal over the chasm, to pronounce judgment upon the damned as they came. I could see the prisoners cast headlong down the gulf, and Pettifogger rushing to fling himself over the terrific brink, rather than look once on the court of Justice. For oh! there was there a spectacle too severe for a guilty countenance. I merely gazed from afar, but I beheld more terrific horror, than I can at present relate, or I could at that time support, for my spirit struggled and fluttered at the awful sight, and wrestled so strenuously, that
it burst all the bands of Sleep, and my soul returned to its accustomed functions. And exceedingly overjoyed I was to see myself still amongst the living. I instantly determined upon reforming myself, as a hundred years of affliction in the paths of righteousness, would be less harrowing to me, than another glance on the horrors of this night.
Death the Great.
Leave land and house we must some day,
For human sway not long doth bide;
Leave pleasures and festivities,
And pedigrees, our boast and pride.