208. THE SECOND MEMORABLE RELATION. While I was meditating on the arcana of conjugial love stored up with wives, there again appeared the GOLDEN SHOWER described above; and I recollected that it fell over a hall in the east where there lived three conjugial loves, that is, three married pairs, who loved each other tenderly. On seeing it, and as if invited by the sweetness of meditating on that love, I hastened towards it, and as I approached, the shower from golden became purple, afterwards scarlet, and when I came near, it was sparkling like dew. I knocked at the door, and when it was opened, I said to the attendant, "Tell the husbands that the person who before came with an angel, is come again, and begs the favor of being admitted into their company." Presently the attendant returned with a message of assent from the husbands, and I entered. The three husbands with their wives were together in an open gallery, and as I paid my respects to them, they returned the compliment. I then asked the wives, Whether the white dove in the window afterwards appeared? They said, "Yes; and to-day also; and it likewise expanded its wings; from which we concluded that you were near at hand, and were desirous of information respecting one other arcanum concerning conjugial love." I inquired, "Why do you say one arcanum; when I came here to learn several?" They replied, "They are arcana, and some of them transcend your wisdom to such a degree, that the understanding of your thought cannot comprehend them. You glory over us on account of your wisdom; but we do not glory over you on account of ours; and yet ours is eminently distinguished above yours, because it enters your inclinations and affections, and sees, perceives, and is sensible of them. You know nothing at all of the inclinations and affections of your own love; and yet these are the principles from and according to which your understanding thinks, consequently from and according to which you are wise; and yet wives are so well acquainted with those principles in their husbands, that they see them in their faces, and hear them from the tone of their voices in conversation, yea, they feel them on their breasts, arms, and cheeks: but we, from the zeal of our love for your happiness, and at the same time for our own, pretend not to know them; and yet we govern them so prudently, that wherever the fancy, good pleasure, and will of our husbands lead, we follow by permitting and suffering it; only bending its direction when it is possible, but in no case forcing it." I asked, "Whence have you this wisdom?" They replied, "It is implanted in us from creation and consequently from birth. Our husbands compare it to instinct; but we say that it is of the divine providence, in order that the men may be rendered happy by their wives. We have heard from our husbands, that the Lord wills that the husband (homo masculus) should act freely according to reason; and that on this account the Lord himself from within governs his freedom, so far as respects the inclinations and affections, and governs it from without by means of his wife; and that thus he forms a man with his wife into an angel of heaven; and moreover love changes its essence, and does not become conjugial love, if it be compelled. But we will be more explicit on this subject: we are moved thereto, that is, to prudence in governing the inclinations and affections of our husbands, so that they may seem to themselves to act freely according to their reason, from this motive, because we are delighted with their love; and we love nothing more than that they should be delighted with our delights, which, in case of their being lightly esteemed by our husbands, become insipid also to us." Having said this, one of the wives entered her chamber, and on her return said, "My dove still flutters its wings, which is a sign that we may make further disclosures." They then said, "We have observed various changes of the inclinations and affections of the men; as that they grow cold towards their wives, while the husbands entertain vain thoughts against the Lord and the church; that they grow cold while they are conceited of their own intelligence; that they grow cold while they regard with desire the wives of others; that they grow cold while their love is adverted to by their wives; not to mention other occasions; and that there are various degrees of their coldness: this we discover from a withdrawal of the sense from their eyes, ears, and bodies, on the presence of our senses. From these few observations you may see, that we know better than the men whether it be well or ill with them; if they are cold towards their wives, it is ill with them, but if they are warm towards them, it is well; therefore wives are continually devising means whereby the men may become warm and not cold towards them; and these means they devise with a sagacity inscrutable to the men." As they said this, the dove was heard to make a sort of moaning; and immediately the wives said, "This is a token to us that we have a wish to communicate greater arcana, but that it is not allowable: probably you will reveal to the men what you have heard." I replied, "I intend to do so: what harm can come from it?" Hereupon the wives talked together on the subject, and then said, "Reveal it, if you like. We are well aware of the power of persuasion which wives possess. They will say to their husbands, 'The man is not in earnest; he tells idle tales: he is but joking from appearances, and from strange fancies usual with men. Do not believe him, but believe us: we know that you are loves, and we obediences.' Therefore you may reveal it if you like; but still the husbands will place no dependence on what comes from your lips, but on that which comes from the lips of their wives which they kiss."
UNIVERSALS RESPECTING MARRIAGES.
209. There are so many things relating to marriages that, if particularly treated of, they would swell this little work into a large volume: for we might treat particularly of the similitude and dissimilitude subsisting among married partners; of the elevation of natural conjugial love into spiritual, and of their conjunction; of the increase of the one and the decrease of the other; of the varieties and diversities of each; of the intelligence of wives; of the universal conjugial sphere proceeding from heaven, and of its opposite from hell, and of their influx and reception; with many other particulars, which, if individually enlarged upon, would render this work so bulky as to tire the reader. For this reason, and to avoid useless prolixity, we will condense these particulars into UNIVERSAL RESPECTING MARRIAGES. But these, like the foregoing subjects, must be considered distinctly as arranged under the following articles: I. The sense proper to conjugial love is the sense of touch. II. With those who are in love truly conjugial, the faculty of growing wise gradually increases; but with those who are not it decreases. III. With those who are in love truly conjugial the happiness of dwelling together increases; but with those who are not it decreases. IV. With those who are in love truly conjugial, conjunction of minds increases, and therewith friendship; but with those who are not they both decrease. V. Those who are in love truly conjugial continually desire to be one man (homo); but those who are not desire to be two. VI. Those who are in love truly conjugial, in marriage have respect to what is eternal; but with those who are not the case is reversed. VII. Conjugial love resides with chaste wives; but still their love depends on the husbands. VIII. Wives love the bonds of marriage if the men do. IX. The intelligence of women is in itself modest, elegant, pacific, yielding, soft, tender; but the intelligence of men is in itself grave, harsh, hard, daring, fond of licentiousness. X. Wives are in no excitation as men are; but they have a state of preparation for reception. XI. Men have abundant store according to the love of propagating the truths of their wisdom, and to the love of doing uses. XII. Determination is in the good pleasure of the husband. XIII. The conjugial sphere flows from the Lord through heaven into everything in the universe, even to its ultimates. XIV. This sphere is received by the female sex, and through that is transferred into the male sex; and not vice versa. XV. Where there is love truly conjugial, this sphere is received by the wife, and only through her by the husband. XVI. Where there is love not conjugial, this sphere is received indeed by the wife, but not by the husband through her. XVII. Love truly conjugial may exist with one of the married partners and not at the same time with the other. XVIII. There are various similitudes and dissimilitudes, both internal and external, with married partners. XIX. Various similitudes can be conjoined, but not with dissimilitudes. XX. The Lord provides similitudes for those who desire love truly conjugial; and if not on earth, he yet provides them in heaven. XXI. A man (homo) according to the deficiency and loss of conjugial love, approaches to the nature of a beast. We proceed to the explanation of each article.
210. I. THE SENSE PROPER TO CONJUGIAL LOVE IS THE SENSE OF TOUCH. Every love has its own proper sense. The love of seeing, grounded in the love of understanding, has the sense of seeing; and the gratifications proper to it are the various kinds of symmetry and beauty. The love of hearing grounded in the love of hearkening to and obeying, has the sense of hearing; and the gratifications proper to it are the various kinds of harmony. The love of knowing these things which float about in the air, grounded in the love of perceiving, is the sense of smelling; and the gratifications proper to it are the various kinds of fragrance. The love of self-nourishment, grounded in the love of imbibing goods, is the sense of tasting; and the delights proper to it are the various kinds of delicate foods. The love of knowing objects, grounded in the love of circumspection and self-preservation, is the sense of touching, and the gratifications proper to it are the various kinds of titillation. The reason why the love of conjunction with a partner, grounded in the love of uniting good and truth, has the sense of touch proper to it, is, because this sense is common to all the senses, and hence borrows from them somewhat of support and nourishment. That this love brings all the above-mentioned senses into communion with it, and appropriates their gratification, is well known. That the sense of touch is devoted to conjugial love, and is proper to it, is evident from all its sports, and from the exaltation of its subtleties to the highest degree of what is exquisite. But the further consideration of this subject we leave to lovers.