211. II. WITH THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, THE FACULTY OF GROWING WISE INCREASES; BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT IT DECREASES. The faculty of growing wise increases with those who are in love truly conjugial, because this love appertains to married partners on account of wisdom, and according to it, as has been fully proved in the preceding sections; also, because the sense of that love is the touch, which is common to all the senses, and also is full of delights; in consequence of which it opens the interiors of the mind, as it opens the interiors of the senses, and therewith the organical principles of the whole body. Hence it follows, that those who are principled in that love, prefer nothing to growing wise; for a man grows wise in proportion as the interiors of his mind are opened; because by such opening, the thoughts of the understanding are elevated into superior light, and the affections of the will into superior heat; and superior light is wisdom, and superior heat is the love thereof. Spiritual delights conjoined to natural delights, which are the portion of those who are in love truly conjugial, constitute loveliness, and thence the faculty of growing wise. Hence it is that the angels have conjugial love according to wisdom; and the increase of that love and at the same time of its delights is according to the increase of wisdom; and spiritual offspring, which are produced from their marriages, are such things as are of wisdom from the father, and of love from the mother, which they love from a spiritual storge; which love unites with their conjugial love, and continually elevates it, and joins them together.
212. The contrary happens with those who are not in any conjugial love, from not having any love of wisdom. These enter the marriage state with no other end in view than lasciviousness, in which is also the love of growing insane; for every end considered in itself is a love, and lasciviousness in its spiritual origin is insanity. By insanity we mean a delirium in the mind occasioned by false principles; and an eminent degree of delirium is occasioned by truths which are falsified until they are believed to be wisdom. That such persons are opposed to conjugial love, is confirmed or evinced by manifest proof in the spiritual world; where, on perceiving the first scent of conjugial love, they fly into caverns, and shut the doors; and if these are opened, they rave like madmen in the world.
213. III. WITH THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, THE HAPPINESS OF DWELLING TOGETHER INCREASES; BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT IT DECREASES. The happiness of dwelling together increases with those who are in love truly conjugial, because they mutually love each other with every sense. The wife sees nothing more lovely than the husband, and the husband nothing more lovely than the wife; neither do they hear, smell, or touch any thing more lovely; hence the happiness they enjoy of living together in the same house, chamber, and bed. That this is the case, you that are husbands can assure yourselves from the first delights of marriage, which are in their fulness; because at that time the wife is the only one of the sex that is loved. That the reverse is the case with those who are not in conjugial love, is well known.
214. IV. WITH THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL CONJUNCTION OF MINDS INCREASES, AND THEREWITH FRIENDSHIP; BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT, THEY BOTH DECREASE. That conjunction of minds increases with those who are in love truly conjugial, was proved in the chapter [ON THE CONJUNCTION OF SOULS AND MINDS BY MARRIAGE, WHICH IS MEANT BY THE LORD'S WORDS, THAT THEY ARE NO LONGER TWO BUT ONE FLESH], see n. [156*-191]. But that conjunction increases as friendship unites with love; because friendship is as it were the face and also the raiment of that love; for it not only joins itself to love as raiment, but also conjoins itself thereto as a face. Love preceding friendship is like the love of the sex, which, after the marriage vow, takes its leave and departs; whereas love conjoined to friendship after the marriage vow, remains and is strengthened; it likewise outers more interiorly into the breast, friendship introducing it, and making it truly conjugial. In this case the love makes its friendship also conjugial, which differs greatly from the friendship of every other love; for it is full. That the case is reversed with those who are not principled in conjugial love, is well known. With these, the first friendship, which was insinuated during the time of courtship, and afterwards during the period immediately succeeding marriage, recedes more and more from the interiors of the mind, and thence successively at length retires to the cuticles; and with those who think of separation it entirely departs; but with those who do not think of separation, love remains in the externals, yet it is cold in the internals.
215. V. THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, CONTINUALLY DESIRE TO BE ONE MAN, BUT THOSE WHO ARE NOT IN CONJUGIAL LOVE, DESIRE TO BE TWO. Conjugial love essentially consists in the desire of two to become one; that is, in their desire that two lives may become one life. This desire is the perpetual conatus of that love, from which flow all its effects. That conatus is the very essence of motion, and that desire is the living conatus appertaining to man, is confirmed by the researches of philosophers, and is also evident to such as take a view of the subject from refined reason. Hence it follows, that those who are in love truly conjugial, continually endeavour, that is, desire to be one man. That the contrary is the case with those who are not in conjugial love, they themselves very well know; for as they continually think themselves two from the disunion of their souls and minds, so they do not comprehend what is meant by the Lord's words, "They are no longer two, but one flesh;" Matt. xix. 6.