216. VI. THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, IN MARRIAGE HAVE RESPECT TO WHAT IS ETERNAL; BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT THE CASE IS REVERSED. Those who are in love truly conjugial have respect to what is eternal, because in that love there is eternity; and its eternity is grounded in this, that love with the wife, and wisdom with the husband, increases to eternity; and in the increase or progression the married partners enter more and more interiorly into the blessedness of heaven, which their wisdom and its love have stored up together in themselves: if therefore the idea of what is eternal were to be plucked away, or by any casualty to escape from their minds, it would be as if they were cast down from heaven. What is the state of conjugial partners in heaven, when the idea of what is eternal falls out of their minds, and the idea of what is temporal takes its place, was made evident to me from the following case. On a certain time, permission having been granted for the purpose, two married partners were present with me from heaven: and at that instant the idea of what is eternal respecting marriage was taken away from them by an idle disorderly spirit who was talking with craft and subtlety. Hereupon they began to bewail themselves, saying, that they could not live any longer, and that they felt such misery as they had never felt before. When this was perceived by their co-angels in heaven, the disorderly spirit was removed and cast down; whereupon the idea of what is eternal instantly returned to them, and they were gladdened in heart, and most tenderly embraced each other. Besides this, I have heard two married partners, who at one instant entertained an idea of what is eternal respecting their marriage, and the next an idea of what is temporal. This arose from their being internally dissimilar. When they were in the idea of what is eternal, they were mutually glad; but when in the idea of what is temporal, they said, "There is no longer any marriage between us;" and the wife, "I am no longer a wife, but a concubine;" and the husband, "I am no longer a husband, but an adulterer;" wherefore while their internal dissimilitude was open to them, the man left the woman, and the woman the man: afterwards, however, as each had an idea of what is eternal respecting marriage, they were consociated with suitable partners. From these instances it may be clearly seen, that those who are in love truly conjugial have respect to what is eternal; and if this idea escapes from their inmost thoughts, they are disunited as to conjugial love, though not at the same time as to friendship; for friendship dwells in externals, but conjugial love in internals. The case is similar with marriages on earth, where married partners who tenderly love each other, think of what is eternal respecting the marriage-covenant, and not at all of its termination by death; and if this should enter their thoughts, they are grieved; nevertheless they are cherished again by hope from the thought of its continuance after their decease.
[Transcriber's Note: The out-of-order section number which follows is in the original text, as is the asterisk which does not seem to indicate a footnote.]
216.* VII. CONJUGIAL LOVE RESIDES WITH CHASTE WIVES; BUT STILL THEIR LOVE DEPENDS ON THE HUSBANDS. The reason of this is, because wives are born loves; and hence it is innate to them to desire to be one with their husbands and from this thought of their will they continually feed their love; wherefore to recede from the conatus of uniting themselves to their husbands, would be to recede from themselves: it is otherwise with the husbands, who are not born loves, but recipients of that love from their wives; and on this account, so far as they receive it, so far the wives enter with their love; but so far as they do not receive it, so far the wives stand aloof with their love, and wait in expectation. This is the case with chaste wives; but it is otherwise with the unchaste. From these considerations it is evident, that conjugial love resides with the wives, but that their love depends on the husbands.
217. VIII. WIVES LOVE THE BONDS OF MARRIAGE IF THE MEN DO. This follows from what was said in the foregoing article: moreover, wives naturally desire to be, and to be called wives; this being to them a name of respect and honor; they therefore love the bonds of marriage. And as chaste wives desire, not in name only, but in reality, to be wives, and this is effected by a closer and closer binding with their husbands, therefore they love the bonds of marriage as establishing the marriage-covenant, and this so much the more as they are loved again by their husbands, or what is tantamount, as the men love those bonds.
218. IX. THE INTELLIGENCE OF WOMEN IS IN ITSELF MODEST, ELEGANT, PACIFIC, YIELDING, SOFT, TENDER; BUT THE INTELLIGENCE OF MEN IN ITSELF IS GRAVE, HARSH, HARD, DARING, FOND OF LICENTIOUSNESS. That such is the characteristic distinction of the woman and the man, is very evident from the body, the face, the tone of voice, the conversation, the gesture, and the manners of each: from the BODY, in that there is more hardness in the skin and flesh of men, and more softness in that of women; from the FACE, in that it is harder, more fixed, harsher, of darker complexion, also bearded, thus less beautiful in men; whereas in women it is softer, more yielding, more tender, of fairer complexion, and thence more beautiful; from the TONE OF VOICE, in that it is deeper with men, and sweeter with women; from the CONVERSATION in that with men it is given to licentiousness and daring, but with women it is modest and pacific; from the GESTURE, in that with men it is stronger and firmer, whereas with women it is more weak and feeble; from the MANNERS, in that with men they are more unrestrained, but with women more elegant. How far from the very cradle the genius of men differs from that of women, was discovered to me clearly from seeing a number of boys and girls met together. I saw them at times through a window in the street of a great city, where more than twenty assembled every day. The boys, agreeably to the disposition born with them, in their pastimes were tumultuous, vociferous, apt to fight, to strike, and to throw stones at each other; whereas the girls sat peaceably at the doors of the houses, some playing with little children, some dressing dolls or working on bits of linen, some kissing each other; and to my surprise, they still looked with satisfaction at the boys whose pastimes were so different from their own. Hence I could see plainly, that a man by birth is understanding, and a woman, love; and also the quality of understanding and of love in their principles; and thereby what would be the quality of a man's understanding without conjunction with female love, and afterwards with conjugial love.
219. X. WIVES ARE IN NO EXCITATION AS MEN ARE; BUT THEY HAVE A STATE OF PREPARATION FOR RECEPTION. That men have semination and consequent excitation, and that women have not the latter because they have not the former, is evident, but that women have a state of preparation for reception, and thus for conception, I relate from what has been told me; but what the nature and quality of this state with the women is, I am not allowed to describe; besides, it is known to them alone: but whether their love, while they are in that state, is in the enjoyment of its delight, or in what is undelightful, as some say, they have not made known. This only is generally known, that it is not allowed the husband to say to the wife, that he is able and not willing: for thereby the state of reception is greatly hurt, which is prepared according to the state of the husband's ability.