302. VI. BY BETROTHING EACH PARTY IS PREPARED FOR CONJUGIAL LOVE. That the mind or spirit of one of the parties is by betrothing prepared for union with the mind or spirit of the other, or what is the same, that the love of the one is prepared for union with the love of the other, appears from the arguments just adduced. Besides which it is to be noted, that on love truly conjugial is inscribed this order, that it ascends and descends; it ascends from its first heat progressively upwards towards the souls of the parties, with an endeavour to effect their conjunction, and this by continual interior openings of their minds; and there is no love which strives more intensely to effect such openings, or which is more powerful and expert in opening the interiors of minds, than conjugial love; for the soul of each of the parties intends this: but at the same moments in which that love ascends towards the soul, it descends also towards the body, and thereby clothes itself. It is however to be observed, that conjugial love is such in its descent as it is in the height to which it ascends: if it ascends high, it descends chaste; but if not, it descends unchaste: the reason of this is, because the lower principles of the mind are unchaste, but its higher are chaste; for the lower principles of the mind adhere to the body, but the higher separate themselves from them: but on this subject see further particulars below, n. [305]. From these few considerations it may appear, that, by betrothing, the mind of each of the parties is prepared for conjugial love, although in a different manner according to the affections.
303. VII. BY BETROTHING THE MIND OF ONE IS UNITED TO THE MIND OF THE OTHER, SO AS TO EFFECT A MARRIAGE OF THE SPIRIT, PREVIOUS TO A MARRIAGE OF THE BODY. As this follows of consequence from what was said above, n. [301], [302], we shall pass it by, without adducing any further confirmations from reason.
304. VIII. THIS IS THE CASE WITH THOSE WHO THINK CHASTELY OF MARRIAGES; BUT IT IS OTHERWISE WITH THOSE WHO THINK UNCHASTELY OF THEM. With the chaste, that is, with those who think religiously of marriages, the marriage of the spirit precedes, and that of the body is subsequent; and these are those with whom love ascends towards the soul, and from its height thence descends; concerning whom see above, n. [302]. The souls of such separate themselves from the unlimited love for the sex, and devote themselves to one, with whom they look for an everlasting and eternal union and its increasing blessednesses, as the cherishers of the hope which continually recreates their mind; but it is quite otherwise with the unchaste, that is, with those who do not think religiously of marriages and their holiness. With these there is a marriage of the body, but not of the spirit: if, during the state of betrothment, there be any appearance of a marriage of the spirit, still, if it ascends by an elevation of the thoughts concerning it, it nevertheless falls back again to the concupiscences which arise from the flesh in the will; and thus from the unchaste principles therein it precipitates itself into the body, and defiles the ultimates of its love with an alluring ardor; and as, in consequence of this ardor, it was in the beginning all on fire, so its fire suddenly goes out, and passes off into the cold of winter; whence the failing (of power) is accelerated. The state of betrothing with such scarcely answers any other purpose, than that they may fill their concupiscences with lasciviousness, and thereby contaminate the conjugial principle of love.
305. IX. WITHIN THE TIME OF BETROTHING IT IS NOT ALLOWABLE TO BE CONNECTED CORPOREALLY. For thus the order which is inscribed on conjugial love, perishes. For in human minds there are three regions, of which the highest is called the celestial, the middle the spiritual, and the lowest the natural. In this lowest man is born; but he ascends into the next above it, the spiritual, by a life according to the truths of religion, and into the highest by the marriage of love and wisdom. In the lowest or natural region, reside all the concupiscences of evil and lasciviousness; but in the superior or spiritual region, there are no concupiscences of evil and lasciviousness; for man is introduced into this region by the Lord, when he is re-born; but in the supreme or celestial region, there is conjugial chastity in its love: into this region a man is elevated by the love of uses; and as the most excellent uses are from marriages, he is elevated into it by love truly conjugial. From these few considerations, it may be seen that conjugial love, from the first beginnings of its warmth, is to be elevated out of the lowest region into a superior region, that it may become chaste, and that thereby from a chaste principle it may be let down through the middle and lowest regions into the body; and when this is the case, this lowest region is purified from all that is unchaste by this descending chaste principle: hence the ultimate of that love becomes also chaste. Now if the successive order of this love is precipitated by connections of the body before their time, it follows, that the man acts from the lowest region, which is by birth unchaste; and it is well known, that hence commences and arises cold in regard to marriage, and disdainful neglect in regard to a married partner. Nevertheless events of various kinds take place in consequence of hasty connections; also in consequence of too long a delay, and too quick a hastening, of the time of betrothing; but these, from their number and variety, can hardly be adduced.
306. X. WHEN THE TIME OF BETROTHING IS COMPLETED, THE NUPTIALS OUGHT TO TAKE PLACE. There are some customary rites which are merely formal, and others which at the same time are also essential: among the latter are nuptials; and that they are to be reckoned among essentials, which are to be manifested in the customary way, and to be formally celebrated, is confirmed by the following reasons: 1. That nuptials constitute the end of the foregoing state, into which the parties were introduced by betrothing, which principally was a state of the spirit, and the beginning of the following state, into which they are to be introduced by marriage, which is a state of the spirit and body together; for the spirit then enters into the body, and there becomes active: wherefore on that day the parties put off the state and also the name of bridegroom and bride, and put on the state and name of married partners and consorts. 2. That nuptials are an introduction and entrance into a new state, which is that a maiden becomes a wife, and a young man a husband, and both one flesh; and this is effected while love by ultimates unites them. That marriage actually changes a maiden into a wife, and a young man into a husband, was proved in the former part of this work; also that marriage unites two into one human form, so that they are no longer two but one flesh. 3. That nuptials are the commencement of an entire separation of the love of the sex from conjugial love, which is effected while, by a full liberty of connection, the knot is tied by which the love of the one is devoted to the love of the other. 4. It appears as if nuptials were merely an interval between those two states, and thus that they are mere formalities which may be omitted: but still there is also in them this essential, that the new state above-mentioned is then to be entered upon from covenant, and that the consent of the parties is to be declared in the presence of witnesses, and also to be consecrated by a priest; besides other particulars which establish it. As nuptials contain in them essentials, and as marriage is not legitimate till after their celebration, therefore also nuptials are celebrated in the heavens; see above, n. [21], and also, n. [27-41].
307. XI. PREVIOUS TO THE CELEBRATION OF THE NUPTIALS, THE CONJUGIAL COVENANT IS TO BE RATIFIED IN THE PRESENCE OF WITNESSES. It is expedient that the conjugial covenant be ratified before the nuptials are celebrated, in order that the statutes and laws of love truly conjugial may be known, and that they may be remembered after the nuptials; also that the minds of the parties may be bound to just marriage: for after some introductory circumstances of marriage, the state which preceded betrothing returns at times, in which state remembrance fails and forgetfulness of the ratified covenant ensues; yea, it may be altogether effaced by the allurements of the unchaste to criminality; and if it is then recalled into the memory, it is reviled: but to prevent these transgressions, society has taken upon itself the protection of that covenant, and has denounced penalties on the breakers of it. In a word, the ante-nuptial covenant manifests and establishes the sacred decrees of love truly conjugial, and binds libertines to the observance of them. Moreover, by this covenant, the right of propagating children, and also the right of the children to inherit the goods of their parents, become legitimate.