ON REPEATED MARRIAGES.
317. It may come to be a matter of question, whether conjugial love, which is that of one man with one wife, after the death of one of the parties, can be separated, or transferred, or superinduced; also whether repeated marriages have any thing in common with polygamy, and thereby whether they may be called successive polygamies; with several other inquiries which often add scruples to scruples with men of a reasoning spirit. In order therefore that those who are curious in such researches, and who only grope in the shade respecting these marriages, may see some light, I have conceived it would be worth while to present for their consideration the following articles on the subject: I. After the death of a married partner, again to contract wedlock, depends on the preceding conjugial love. II. It depends also on the state of marriage, in which the parties had lived. III. With those who have not been in love truly conjugial there is no obstacle or hindrance to their again contracting wedlock. IV. Those who had lived together in love truly conjugial are unwilling to marry again, except for reasons separate from conjugial love. V. The state of the marriage of a youth with a maiden differs from that of a youth with a widow. VI. The state of the marriage of a widower with a maiden differs also from that of a widower with a widow. VII. The varieties and diversities of these marriages as to love and its attributes are innumerable. VIII. The state of a widow is more grievous than that of a widower. We proceed to the explanation of each article.
318. I. AFTER THE DEATH OF A MARRIED PARTNER, AGAIN TO CONTRACT WEDLOCK, DEPENDS ON THE PRECEDING CONJUGIAL LOVE. Love truly conjugial is like a balance, in which the inclinations for repeated marriages are weighed: so far as the preceding conjugial love had been genuine, so far the inclination for another marriage is weak; but so far as the preceding love had not been genuine, so far the inclination to another marriage is usually strong. The reason of this is obvious; because conjugial love is in a similar degree a conjunction of minds, which remains in the life of the body of the one party after the decease of the other; and this holds the inclination as a scale in a balance, and causes a preponderance according to the appropriation of true love. But since the approach to this love is seldom made at this day except for a few paces, therefore the scale of the preponderance of the inclination generally rises to a state of equilibrium, and from thence inclines and tends to the other side, that is, to marriage. The contrary is the case with those, whose preceding-love in the former marriage has not been truly conjugial, because in proportion as that love is not genuine, there is in a like degree a disjunction of minds, which also remains in the life of the body of the one party after the decease of the other; and this enters the will disjoined from that of the other, and causes an inclination for a new connection; in favor of which the thought arising from the inclination of the will induces the hope of a more united, and thereby a more delightful connection. That inclinations to repeated marriages arise from the state of the preceding love, is well known, and is also obvious to reason: for love truly conjugial is influenced by a fear of loss, and loss is followed by grief; and this grief and fear reside in the very inmost principles of the mind. Hence, so far as that love prevails, so far the soul inclines both in will and in thought, that is, in intention, to be in the subject with and in which it was: from these considerations it follows, that the mind is kept balancing towards another marriage according to the degree of love in which it was in the former marriage. Hence it is that after death the same parties are re-united, and mutually love each other as they did in the world: but as we said above, such love at this day is rare, and there are few who make the slightest approach to it; and those who do not approach it, and still more those who keep at a distance from it, as they were desirous of separation in the matrimonial life heretofore passed, so after death they are desirous of being united to another. But respecting both these sorts of persons more will be said in what follows.
319. II. AFTER THE DEATH OF A MARRIED PARTNER, AGAIN TO CONTRACT WEDLOOK, DEPENDS ALSO ON THE STATE OF MARRIAGE IN WHICH THE PARTIES HAD LIVED. By the State of marriage here we do not mean the state of love treated of in the foregoing article, because the latter causes an internal inclination to marriage or from it; but we mean the state of marriage which causes an external inclination to it or from it; and this state with its inclinations is manifold: as, 1. If there are children in the house, and a new mother is to be provided for them. 2. If there is a wish for a further increase of children. 3. If the house is large and full of servants of both sexes. 4. If the calls of business abroad divert the mind from domestic concerns, and without a new mistress there is reason to fear misery and misfortune. 5. If mutual aids and offices require that married partners be engaged in various occupations and employments. 6. Moreover it depends on the temper and disposition of the separated partner, whether after the first marriage the other partner can or cannot live alone, or without a consort. 7. The preceding marriage also disposes the mind either to be afraid of married life, or in favor of it. 8. I have been informed that polygamical love and the love of the sex, also the lust of deflowering and the lust of variety, have induced the minds (animos) of some to desire repeated marriages; and that the minds of some have also been induced thereto by a fear of the law and of the loss of reputation, in case they commit whoredom: besides several other circumstances which promote external inclinations to matrimony.
320. III. WITH THOSE WHO HAVE NOT BEEN IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, THERE IS NO OBSTACLE OR HINDRANCE TO THEIR AGAIN CONTRACTING WEDLOCK. With those who have not been principled in conjugial love, there is no spiritual or internal, but only a natural or external bond; and if an internal bond does not keep the external in its order and tenor, the latter is but like a bundle when the bandage is removed, which flows every way according as it is tossed or driven by the wind. The reason of this is, because what is natural derives its origin from what is spiritual, and in its existence is merely a mass collected from spiritual principles; wherefore if the natural be separated from the spiritual, which produced and as it were begot it, it is no longer kept together interiorly, but only exteriorly by the spiritual, which encompasses and binds it in general, and does not tie it and keep it tied together in particular. Hence it is, that the natural principle separated from the spiritual, in the case of two married partners, does not cause any conjunction of minds, and consequently of wills, but only a conjunction of some external affections, which are connected with the bodily senses. The reason why nothing opposes and hinders such persons from again contracting wedlock, is, because they have not been the essentials of marriage; and hence those essentials do not at all influence them after separation by death: therefore they are then absolutely at their own disposal, whether they be widowers or widows, to bind their sensual affections with whomsoever they please, provided there be no legal impediment. Neither do they themselves think of marriages in any other than a natural view, and from a regard to convenience in supplying various necessities and external advantages, which after the death of one of the parties may again be supplied by another; and possibly, if their interior thoughts were viewed, as in the spiritual world, there would not be found in them any distinction between conjugial unions and extra-conjugial connections. The reason why it is allowable for these to contract repeated marriages, is, as above-mentioned, because merely natural connections are after death of themselves dissolved and fall asunder; for by death the external affections follow the body, and are entombed with it; those only remaining which are connected with internal principles. But it is to be observed, that marriages interiorly conjunctive can scarcely be entered into in the world, because elections of internal likenesses cannot there be provided by the Lord as in the heavens; for they are limited in many ways, as to equals in rank and condition, within the country, city, and village where they live; and in the world for the most part married partners are held together merely by externals, and thus not by internals, which internals do not shew themselves till some time after marriage, and are only known when they influence the externals.
321. IV. THOSE WHO HAD LIVED TOGETHER IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL ARE UNWILLING TO MARRY AGAIN, EXCEPT FOR REASONS SEPARATE FROM CONJUGIAL LOVE. The reasons why those who had lived in love truly conjugial, after the death of their married partners are unwilling to marry again, are as follow. 1. Because they were united as to their souls, and thence as to their minds; and this union, being spiritual, is an actual junction of the soul and mind of one of the parties to those of the other, which cannot possibly be dissolved; that such is the nature of spiritual conjunction, has been constantly shewn above. 2. Because they were also united as to their bodies by the receptions of the propagation of the soul of the husband by the wife, and thus by the insertion of his life into hers, whereby a maiden becomes a wife; and on the other hand by the reception of the conjugial love of the wife by the husband, which disposes the interiors of his mind, and at the same time the interiors and exteriors of his body, into a state receptible of love and perceptible of wisdom, which makes him from a youth become a husband; see above, n. [198]. 3. Because a sphere of love from the wife, and a sphere of understanding from the man, is continually flowing forth, and because it perfects conjunctions, and encompasses them with its pleasant influence, and unites them; see also above, n. [223]. 4. Because married partners thus united think of, and desire what is eternal, and because on this idea their eternal happiness is founded; see n. [216]. 5. From these several considerations it is, that they are no longer two, but one man, that is, one flesh. 6. That such a union cannot be destroyed by the death of one of the parties, is manifest to the sight of a spirit. 7. To the above considerations shall be added this new information, that two such conjugial partners, after the death of one, are still not separated; since the spirit of the deceased dwells continually with that of the survivor, and this even to the death of the latter, when they again meet and are reunited, and love each other more tenderly than before, because they are then in the spiritual world. Hence flows this undeniable consequence, that those who had lived in love truly conjugial, are unwilling to marry again. But if they afterwards contract something like marriage, it is for reasons separate from conjugial love, which are all external; as in case there are young children in the house, and the care of them requires attention; if the house is large and full of servants of both sexes; if the calls of business abroad divert the mind from domestic concerns; if mutual aids and offices are necessary; with other cases of a like nature.