322. V. THE STATE OF THE MARRIAGE OF A YOUTH WITH A MAIDEN DIFFERS FROM THAT OF A YOUTH WITH A WIDOW. By states of marriage we mean the states of the life of each party, the husband and the wife, after the nuptials, thus in the marriage, as to the quality of the intercourse at that time, whether it be internal, that is of souls and minds, which is intercourse in the principle idea, or whether it be only external, that is of minds (animorum), of the senses, and of the body. The state of marriage of a youth with a maiden is essentially itself initiatory to genuine marriage; for between these conjugial love can proceed in its just order, which is from its first heat to its first torch, and afterwards from its first seed with the youth-husband, and from its first flower with the maiden-wife, and thus generate, grow, and fructify, and introduce itself into those successive states with both parties mutually; but if otherwise, the youth or the maiden was not really such, but only in external form. But between a youth and a widow there is not such an initiation to marriage from first principles, nor a like progression in marriage, since a widow is more at her own disposal, and under her own jurisdiction, than a maiden; wherefore a youth addresses himself differently to his wife if she were a widow, from what he does if she were a maiden. But herein there is much variety and diversity; therefore the subject is here mentioned only in a general way.
323. VI. THE STATE OF THE MARRIAGE OF A WIDOWER WITH A MAIDEN DIFFERS ALSO FROM THAT OF A WIDOWER WITH A WIDOW. For a widower has already been initiated into married life which a maiden has to be; and yet conjugial love perceives and is sensible of its pleasantness and delight in mutual initiation; a youth-husband and a maiden-wife perceive and are sensible of things ever new in whatever occurs, whereby they are in a kind of continual initiation and consequent amiable progression. The case is otherwise in the state of the marriage of a widower with a maiden: the maiden-wife has an internal inclination, whereas with the man that inclination has passed away; but herein there is much variety and diversity: the case is similar in a marriage between a widower and a widow; however, except this general notion, it is not allowable to add anything specifically.
324. VII. THE VARIETIES AND DIVERSITIES OF THESE MARRIAGES AS TO LOVE AND ITS ATTRIBUTES ARE INNUMERABLE. There is an infinite variety of all things, and also an infinite diversity. By varieties we here mean the varieties between those things which are of one genus or species, also between the genera and species; but by diversities we here mean the diversities between those things which are opposite. Our idea of the distinction of varieties and diversities may be illustrated as follows: The angelic heaven, which is connected as a one, in an infinite variety, no one there being absolutely like another, either as to souls and minds, or as to affections, perceptions, and consequent thoughts, or as to inclinations and consequent intentions, or as to tone of voice, face, body, gesture, and gait, and several other particulars, and yet, notwithstanding there are myriads of myriads, they have been and are arranged by the Lord into one form, in which there is full unanimity and concord; and this could not possibly be, unless they were all, with their innumerable varieties, universally and individually under the guidance of one: these are what we here mean by varieties. But by diversities we mean the opposites of those varieties, which exist in hell; for the inhabitants there are diametrically opposite to those in heaven; and hell, which consists of such, is kept together as a one by varieties in themselves altogether contrary to the varieties in heaven, thus by perpetual diversities. From these considerations it is evident what is perceived by infinite variety and infinite diversity. The case is the same in marriages, namely, that there are infinite varieties with those who are in conjugial love, and infinite varieties with those who are in adulterous love; and hence, that there are infinite diversities between the latter and the former. From these premises it follows, that the varieties and diversities in marriages of every genus and species, whether of a youth with a maiden, or of a youth with a widow, or of a widower with a maiden, or of a widower with a widow exceed all number: who can divide infinity into numbers?
325. VIII. THE STATE OF A WIDOW IS MORE GRIEVOUS THAN THAT OF A WIDOWER. The reasons for this are both external and internal; the external are such as all can comprehend; as: 1. That a widow cannot provide for herself and her family the necessaries of life, nor dispose of them when acquired, as a man can and as she previously did by and with her husband. 2. That neither can she defend herself and her family as is expedient; for, while she was a wife, her husband was her defence, and as it were her arm; and while she herself was her own (defence and arm), she still trusted to her husband. 3. That of herself she is deficient of counsel in such things as relate to interior wisdom and the prudence thence derived. 4. That a widow is without the reception of love, in which as a woman she is principled; thus she is in a state contrary to that which was innate and induced by marriage. These external reasons, which are natural, have their origin from internal reasons also, which are spiritual, like all other things in the world and in the body; respecting which see above, n. [220]. Those external natural reasons are perceived from the internal spiritual reasons which proceed from the marriage of good and truth, and principally from the following: that good cannot provide or arrange anything but by truth; that neither can good defend itself but by truth; consequently that truth is the defence and as it were the arm of good; that good without truth is deficient of counsel, because it has counsel, wisdom, and prudence by means of truth. Now since by creation the husband is truth, and the wife the good thereof; or, what is the same thing, since by creation the husband is understanding, and the wife the love thereof, it is evident that the external or natural reasons, which aggravate the widowhood of a woman, have their origin from internal or spiritual reasons. These spiritual reasons, together with natural, are meant by what is said of widows in several passages in the Word; as may be seen in the APOCALYPSE REVEALED, n. 764.
326. To the above I shall add TWO MEMORABLE RELATIONS. FIRST. After the problem concerning the soul had been discussed and solved in the gymnasium, I saw them coming out in order: first came the chief teacher, then the elders, in the midst of whom were the five youths who had given the answers, and after these the rest. When they were come out they went apart to the environs of the house, where there were piazzas surrounded by shrubs; and being assembled, they divided themselves into small companies, which were so many groups of youths conversing together on subjects of wisdom, in each of which was one of the wise persons from the orchestra. As I saw these from my apartment, I became in the spirit, and in that state I went out to them, and approached the chief teacher, who had lately proposed the problem concerning the soul. On seeing me, he said. "Who are you? I was surprised as I saw you approaching in the way, that at one instant you came into my sight, and the next instant went out of it; or that at one time I saw you, and suddenly I did not see you: assuredly you are not in the same state of life that we are." To this I replied, smiling, "I am neither a player nor a vertumnus; but I am alternate, at one time in your light, and at another in your shade; thus both a foreigner and a native." Hereupon the chief teacher looked at me, and said, "You speak things strange and wonderful: tell me who you are." I said, "I am in the world in which you have been, and from which you have departed, and which is called the natural world; and I am also in the world into which you have come, and in which you are, which is called the spiritual world. Hence I am in a natural state, and at the same time in a spiritual state; in a natural state with men of the earth and in a spiritual state with you; and when I am in the natural state, you do not see me, but when I am in the spiritual state, you do; that such should be my condition, has been granted me by the Lord. It is known to you, illustrious sir, that a man of the natural world does not see a man of the spiritual world, nor vice versa; therefore when I let my spirit into the body, you did not see me; but when I let it out of the body, you did see me. You have been teaching in the gymnasium, that you are souls, and that souls see souls, because they are human forms; and you know, that when you were in the natural world, you did not see yourself or your souls in your bodies; and this is a consequence of the difference between what is spiritual and what is natural." When he heard of the difference between what is spiritual and what is natural, he said, "What do you mean by that difference? is it not like the difference between what is more or less pure? for what is spiritual but that which is natural in a higher state of purity?" I replied, "The difference is of another kind; it is like that between prior and posterior, which bear no determinate proportion to each other: for the prior is in the posterior as the cause is in the effect; and the posterior is derived from the prior as the effect from its cause: hence, the one does not appear to the other." To this the chief teacher replied, "I have meditated and ruminated upon this difference, but heretofore in vain; I wish I could perceive it." I said, "You shall not only perceive the difference between what is spiritual and what is natural, but shall also see it." I then proceeded as follows: "You yourself are in a spiritual state with your associate spirits, but in a natural state with me; for you converse with your associates in the spiritual language, which is common to every spirit and angel, but with me in my mother tongue; for every spirit and angel, when conversing with a man, speaks his peculiar language; thus French with a Frenchman, English with an Englishman, Greek with a Greek, Arabic with an Arabian, and so forth. That you may know therefore the difference between what is spiritual and what is natural in respect to languages, make this experiment; withdraw to your associates, and say something there: then retain the expressions, and return with them in your memory, and utter them before me." He did so, and returned to me with those expressions in his mouth, and uttered them; and they were altogether strange and foreign, such as do not occur in any language of the natural world. By this experiment several times repeated, it was made very evident that all the spiritual world have the spiritual language, which has in it nothing that is common to any natural language, and that every man comes of himself into the use of that language after his decease. At the same time also he experienced, that the sound of the spiritual language differs so far from the sound of natural language, that a spiritual sound, though loud, could not at all be heard by a natural man, nor a natural sound by a spirit. Afterwards I requested the chief teacher and the bystanders to withdraw to their associates, and write some sentence or other on a piece of paper, and then return with it to me, and read it. They did so, and returned with the paper in their hand; but when they read it, they could not understand any part of it, as the writing consisted only of some letters of the alphabet, with turns over them, each of which was significative of some particular sense and meaning: because each letter of the alphabet is thus significative, it is evident why the Lord is called Alpha and Omega. On their repeatedly withdrawing, and writing in the same manner, and returning to me, they found that their writing involved and comprehended innumerable things which no natural writing could possibly express; and they were given to understand, that this was in consequence of the spiritual man's thoughts being incomprehensible and ineffable to the natural man, and such as cannot flow and be brought into any other writing or language. Then as some present were unwilling to comprehend that spiritual thought so far exceeds natural thought, as to be respectively ineffable, I said to them, "Make the experiment; withdraw into your spiritual society, and think on some subject, and retain your thoughts, and return, and express them before me." They did so; but when they wanted to express the subject thought of, they were unable; for they did not find any idea of natural thought adequate to any idea of spiritual thought, consequently no words expressive of it; for ideas of thought are constituent of the words of language. This experiment they repeated again and again; whereby they were convinced that spiritual ideas are supernatural, inexpressible, ineffable, and incomprehensible to the natural man; and on account of this their super-eminence, they said, that spiritual ideas, or thoughts, as compared with natural, were ideas of ideas, and thoughts of thoughts; and that therefore they were expressive of qualities of qualities, and affections of affections; consequently that spiritual thoughts were the beginnings and origins of natural thoughts: hence also it was made evident that spiritual wisdom was the wisdom of wisdom, consequently that it was imperceptible to any wise man in the natural world. It was then told them from the third heaven, that there is a wisdom still interior and superior, which is called celestial, bearing a proportion to spiritual wisdom like that which spiritual wisdom bears to natural, and that these descend by an orderly influx according to the heavens from the divine wisdom of the Lord, which is infinite.