"In this marvellous Religion the believer is given all the shivers, cardiac vibrations, nervous shocks and prostrate contritions, pleasantly alternated with ecstatic exuberance, that he may wish for.
"In that respect it is far superior to any music hall.
"These funny clergymen rage against the music halls. But why have they abolished all public, gay, and variegated Church festivals, such as the Middle Ages had introduced in plenty? The public do want to have their shocks and shivers. If the Church does not provide some of them, music halls will.
"We Hellenes did everything to render Religion attractive and enjoyable. Our religious processions and public festivals were gorgeous with colours, fun, art, music, and touching piety.
"How could any Hellene have felt the need of a modern music hall, this the last degradation of the human intellect, worse than the Roman gladiatorial games, worse than the Spanish bull-fights, worse than the worst of French novels.
"If, therefore, the clergy will take our New Religion into the least consideration, they will forthwith see the immense advantages thereof. In Elysionism the most languorously delicate of the elegant ladies will at last find what she has all this time been hankering for.
"In the morning when she gets up between twelve and two o'clock, she will with religious shivers reach after the Elysiogram press. With burning eye she will run over the columns in search of the latest Elysiogram. Just think of her excitement on finding, in one paragraph or another, some indiscretion of one of her departed friends, male or female, regarding her. Just imagine how she will devoutly run to the editor of the paper, or to the Elysiop, that is, the chief bishop of the New Religion, offering him £100, £200, nay £500 for the 'tranquillity' of the poor soul in Elysium from whom came that disquieting par. The Elysiop will promise to do his best and will—enter the £500 pour les frais de l'église. What a delightfully exciting experience to have!
"Later on in the day, the same lady will enjoy the anxiety of a lady friend of hers who is waiting for an Elysiogram from her husband who disappeared a few months before without sending his faithful wife the correct official statement of his departure. What exquisite moments of nervous expectation to pass!
"For a few further bank-notes pour les frais de l'église, the liberating Elysiogram appears.