(When Alexander in his turn had made his speech in martial fashion, Poseidon's attendant carried the water-clock to Octavian, but gave him a smaller allowance of water, partly because time was precious, but still more because he bore him a grudge for the disrespect he had shown to the god.[637] Octavian with his usual sagacity understood this, so without stopping to say anything that did not concern himself, he began: “For my part, Zeus and ye other gods, I shall not stay to disparage and belittle the actions of others, but shall speak only of what concerns myself. Like the noble Alexander here I was but a youth when I was called to govern my country. Like Caesar yonder, my father,[638] I conducted successful campaigns against the Germans. When I became involved in civil dissensions I conquered Egypt in a sea-fight off Actium; I defeated Brutus and Cassius at Philippi: the defeat of Sextus, Pompey's son, was a mere incident in my campaign. I showed myself so gentle to the guidance of philosophy that I even put up with the plain speaking of Athenodorus,[639] and instead of resenting it I was delighted with it and revered the man as my preceptor, or rather as though he were my own father. Areius[640] I counted my friend and close companion, and in short I was never guilty of any offence against philosophy. But since I saw that more than once Rome had been brought to the verge of ruin by internal quarrels, I so administered her affairs as to make her strong as adamant for all time, unless indeed, O ye gods, you will otherwise. For I did not give way to boundless ambition and aim at enlarging her empire at all costs, but assigned for it two boundaries defined as it were by nature herself, the Danube and the Euphrates. Then after conquering the Scythians and Thracians I did not employ the long reign that you gods vouchsafed me in making projects for war after war, but devoted my leisure to legislation and to reforming the evils that war had caused. For in this I thought that I was no less well advised than my predecessors, or rather, if I may make bold to say so, I was better advised than any who have ever administered so great an empire. For some of these, when they might have remained quiet and not taken the field, kept making one war an excuse for the next, like quarrelsome people and their lawsuits; and so they perished in their campaigns. Others when they had a war on their hands gave themselves up to indulgence, and preferred such base indulgence not only to future glory but even to their personal safety. When I reflect on all this I do not think myself entitled to the lowest place. But whatever shall seem good to you, O ye gods, it surely becomes me to accept with a good grace.”)
Δίδοται μετὰ τοῦτον τῷ Τραïανῷ τοῦ λέγειν ἐξουσία. ὁ δέ, καίπερ δυνάμενος λέγειν, ὑπὸ ῥᾳθυμίας· [B] ἐπιτρέπειν γὰρ εἰώθει τὰ πολλὰ τῷ Σούρᾳ γράφειν ὑπὲρ αὑτοῦ· φθεγγόμενος μᾶλλον ἢ λέγων, ἐπεδείκνυεν αὐτοῖς τό τε Γετικὸν καὶ τὸ Παρθικὸν τρόπαιον. ᾐτιᾶτο δὲ τὸ γῆρας ὡς οὐκ ἐπιτρέψαν αὐτῷ τοῖς Παρθικοῖς πράγμασιν ἐπεξελθεῖν. καὶ ὁ Σειληνός, Ἀλλ᾽, ὦ μάταιε, ἔφη, εἴκοσι βεβασίλευκας ἔτη, Ἀλέξανδρος δὲ οὑτοσὶ δώδεκα. τί οὖν ἀφεὶς αἰτιᾶσθαι τὴν σαυτοῦ τρυφὴν τὴν τοῦ χρόνου μέμφῃ στενότητα; παροξυνθεὶς οὖν ὑπὸ τοῦ σκώμματος, [C] οὐδὲ γὰρ ἦν ἔξω τοῦ δύνασθαι ῥητορεύειν, ὑπὸ δὲ τῆς φιλοποσίας ἀμβλύτερος ἑαυτοῦ πολλάκις ἦν, Ἐγὼ δέ, εἶπεν, ὦ Ζεῦ καὶ θεοί, τὴν ἀρχὴν παραλαβὼν ναρκῶσαν ὥσπερ καὶ διαλελυμένην ὑπό τε τῆς οἴκοι πολὺν χρόνον ἐπικρατησάσης τυραννίδος καὶ τῆς τῶν Γετῶν ὕβρεως, [D] μόνος ὑπὲρ τὸν Ἴστρον ἐτόλμησα προσλαβεῖν ἔθνη, καὶ τὸ Γετῶν ἔθνος ἐξεῖλον, οἳ τῶν πώποτε μαχιμώτατοι γεγόνασιν, οὐχ ὑπὸ ἀνδρείας μόνον τοῦ σώματος, ἀλλὰ καὶ ὧν ἔπεισεν αὐτοὺς ὁ τιμώμενος παρ᾽ αὐτοῖς Ζάμολξις. οὐ γὰρ ἀποθνήσκειν, ἀλλὰ μετοικίζεσθαι νομίζοντες ἑτοιμότερον αὐτὸ ποιοῦσιν ἢ ἄλλοι[641] τὰς ἀποδημίας ὑπομένουσιν. ἐπράχθη δέ μοι τὸ [pg 394] ἔργον τοῦτο ἐν ἐνιαυτοῖς ἴσως που πέντε. πάντων δὲ [328] ὅτι τῶν πρὸ ἐμαυτοῦ[642] γεγονότων αὐτοκρατόρων ὤφθην τοῖς ὑπηκόοις πρᾳότατος καὶ οὔτε Καῖσαρ οὑτοσὶ περὶ τούτων ἀμφισβητήσειεν ἄν μοι οὔτ᾽ ἄλλος οὐδὲ εἷς, εὔδηλόν ἐστί που. πρὸς Παρθυαίους δέ, πρὶν μὲν ἀδικεῖσθαι παρ᾽ αὐτῶν, οὐκ ᾤμην δεῖν χρῆσθαι τοῖς ὅπλοις· ἀδικοῦσι δὲ ἐπεξῆλθον οὐδὲν ὑπὸ τῆς ἡλικίας κωλυθείς, καίτοι διδόντων μοι τῶν νόμων τὸ μὴ στρατεύεσθαι. τούτων δὴ τοιούτων ὄντων, [B] ἆρ᾽ οὐχὶ καὶ τιμᾶσθαι πρὸ τῶν ἄλλων εἰμὶ δίκαιος, πρᾷος μὲν πρὸς τοὺς ὑπηκόους, φοβερὸς δὲ πρὸς τοὺς πολεμίους διαφερόντως γενόμενος, αἰδεσθεὶς δὲ καὶ τὴν ὑμετέραν ἔκγονον[643] φιλοσοφίαν; τοιαῦτα ὁ Τραïανὸς εἰπὼν ἐδόκει τῇ πρᾳότητι πάντων κρατεῖν, καὶ δῆλοί πως ἦσαν οἱ θεοὶ μάλιστα ἡσθέντες ἐπὶ τούτῳ.
(Trajan was allowed to speak next. Though he had some talent for oratory he was so lazy that he had been in the habit of letting Sura write most of his speeches for him; so he shouted rather than spoke, and meanwhile displayed to the gods his Getic and Parthian trophies, while he accused his old age of not having allowed him to extend his Parthian conquests. “You cannot take us in,” said Silenus; “you reigned twenty years and Alexander here only twelve. Why then do you not put it down to your own love of ease, instead of complaining of your short allowance of time?” Stung by the taunt, since he was not deficient in eloquence, though intemperance often made him seem more stupid than he was, Trajan began again. “O Zeus and ye other gods, when I took over the empire it was in a sort of lethargy and much disordered by the tyranny that had long prevailed at home, and by the insolent conduct of the Getae. I alone ventured to attack the tribes beyond the Danube, and I subdued the Getae, the most warlike race that ever existed, which is due partly to their physical courage, partly to the doctrines that they have adopted from their admired Zamolxis.[644] For they believe that they do not die but only change their place of abode, and they meet death more readily than other men undertake a journey. Yet I accomplished that task in a matter of five years or so. That of all the Emperors who came before me[645] I was regarded as the mildest in the treatment of my subjects, is, I imagine, obvious, and neither Caesar here nor any other will dispute it with me. Against the Parthians I thought I ought not to employ force until they had put themselves in the wrong, but when they did so I marched against them, undeterred by my age, though the laws would have allowed me to quit the service. Since then the facts are as I have said, do I not deserve to be honoured before all the rest, first because I was so mild to my subjects, secondly because more than others I inspired terror in my country's foes, thirdly because I revered your daughter divine Philosophy?” When Trajan had finished this speech the gods decided that he excelled all the rest in clemency; and evidently this was a virtue peculiarly pleasing to them.)
Τοῦ Μάρκου δὲ ἀρχομένου λέγειν, ὁ Σειληνὸς ἠρέμα πρὸς τὸν Διόνυσον, [C] Ἀκούσωμεν, ἔφη, τοῦ Στωικοῦ τουτουί, τί ποτε ἄρα τῶν παραδόξων ἐκείνων ἐρεῖ καὶ τεραστίων δογμάτων. ὁ δὲ ἀποβλέψας πρὸς τὸν Δία καὶ τοὺς θεούς, Ἀλλ᾽ ἔμοιγε, εἶπεν, ὦ Ζεῦ καὶ θεοί, λόγων οὐδὲν δεῖ καὶ ἀγῶνος. εἰ μὲν γὰρ ἠγνοεῖτε τἀμά, προσῆκον ἦν ἐμοὶ διδάσκειν ὑμᾶς· ἐπεὶ δὲ ἴστε καὶ λέληθεν ὑμᾶς τῶν ἁπάντων οὐδέν, [D] αὐτοί μοι τιμᾶτε τῆς ἀξίας. ἔδοξε δὴ οὖν ὁ Μάρκος τά τε ἄλλα [pg 396] θαυμάσιός τις εἶναι καὶ σοφὸς διαφερόντως ἅτε οἶμαι διαγινώσκων,
(When Marcus Aurelius began to speak, Silenus whispered to Dionysus, “Let us hear which one of his paradoxes and wonderful doctrines this Stoic will produce.” But Marcus turned to Zeus and the other gods and said, “It seems to me, O Zeus and ye other gods, that I have no need to make a speech or to compete. If you did not know all that concerns me it would indeed be fitting for me to inform you. But since you know it and nothing at all is hidden from you, do you of your own accord assign me such honour as I deserve.” Thus Marcus showed that admirable as he was in other respects he was wise also beyond the rest, because he knew)
Λέγειν θ᾽ ὅπου χρὴ καὶ σιγᾶν ὅπου καλόν.
(“When it is time to speak and when to be silent.”[646])
Τῷ Κωνσαταντίνῳ μετὰ τοῦτον λέγειν ἐπέτρεπον. ὁ δὲ πρότερον μὲν ἐθάρρει τὴν ἀγωνίαν. ὡς δὲ ἀπέβλεπεν εἰς τὰ τῶν ἄλλων ἔργα, μικρὰ παντάπασιν εἶδε τὰ ἑαυτοῦ. [329] δύο γὰρ τυράννους, εἴ γε χρὴ τἀληθῆ φάναι, καθῃρήκει, τὸν μὲν ἀπόλεμον τε καὶ μαλακόν, τὸν δὲ ἄθλιόν τε καὶ διὰ τὸ γῆρας ἀσθενῆ,[647] ἀμφοτέρω δὲ θεοῖς τε καὶ ἀνθρώποις ἐχθίστω. τά γε μὴν εἰς τοὺς βαρβάρους ἦν γελοῖα αὐτῷ· φόρους γὰρ ὥσπερ ἐτετελέκαι,[648] καὶ πρὸς τὴν Τρυφὴν ἀφεώρα· πόρρω δὲ εἱστήκει τῶν θεῶν αὕτη περὶ τὰ πρόθυρα τῆς Σελήνης· ἐρωτικῶς τε οὖν εἶχεν αὐτῆς, καὶ ὅλος πρὸς ἐκείνην [B] βλέπων οὐδὲν ἔμελεν αὐτῷ περὶ τῆς νίκης.[649] ἐπεὶ δὲ ἐχρῆν καὶ αὐτὸν εἰπεῖν τι, Ταύτῃ τούτων κρείττων, ἔφη, εἰμί, τοῦ Μακεδόνος μέν, ὅτι πρὸς Ῥωμαίους καὶ τὰ Γερμανικὰ καὶ Σκυθικὰ γένη καὶ οὐχὶ πρὸς τοὺς Ἀσιανοὺς βαρβάρους ἠγωνισάμην, Καίσαρος δὲ καὶ Ὀκταβιανοῦ τῷ μή, καθάπερ οὗτοι, πρὸς καλοὺς κἀγαθοὺς πολίτας στασιάσαι, τοῖς μιαρωτάτοις δὲ καὶ πονηροτάτοις τῶν τυράννων ἐπεξελθεῖν. [C] Τραïανοῦ δὲ τοῖς μὲν κατὰ τῶν τυράννων ἀνδραγαθήμασιν εἰκότως ἂν προτιμηθείην, τῷ δὲ ἣν οὗτος προσεκτήσατο χώραν ἀναλαβεῖν ἴσος ἂν οὐκ ἀπεικότως νομιζοίμην, εἰ μὴ καὶ μεῖζον ἐστι [pg 398] τὸ ἀνακτήσασθαι τοῦ κτήσασθαι. Μάρκος δὲ οὑτοσὶ σιωπῶν ὑπὲρ αὑτοῦ πᾶσιν ἡμῖν τῶν πρωτείων ἐξίσταται. καὶ ὁ Σειληνός, Ἀλλ᾽ ἦ τοὺς Ἀδώνιδος κήπους ὡς ἔργα ἡμῖν, ὦ Κωνσταντῖνε, σεαυτοῦ προφέρεις; τί δέ, εἶπεν, εἰσὶν οὓς λέγεις Ἀδώνιδος κήπους; [D] οὓς αἱ γυναῖκες, ἔφη, τῷ τῆς Ἀφροδίτης ἀνδρὶ φυτεύουσιν ὀστρακίοις ἐπαμησάμεναι γῆν λαχανίαν· χλοήσαντα δὲ ταῦτα πρὸς ὀλίγον αὐτίκα ἀπομαραίνεται. καὶ ὁ Κωνσταντῖνος ἠρυθρίασεν, ἄντικρυς ἐπιγνοὺς τοιοῦτον τὸ ἑαυτοῦ ἔργον.
(Constantine was allowed to speak next. On first entering the lists he was confident enough. But when he reflected on the exploits of the others he saw that his own were wholly trivial. He had defeated two tyrants, but, to tell the truth, one of them[650] was untrained in war and effeminate, the other[651] a poor creature and enfeebled by old age, while both were alike odious to gods and men. Moreover his campaigns against the barbarians covered him with ridicule. For he paid them tribute, so to speak, while he gave all his attention to Pleasure, who stood at a distance from the gods near the entrance to the moon. Of her indeed he was so enamoured that he had no eyes for anything else, and cared not at all for victory. However, as it was his turn and he had to say something, he began: “In the following respects I am superior to these others; to the Macedonian in having fought against Romans, Germans and Scythians, instead of Asiatic barbarians; to Caesar and Octavian in that I did not, like them, lead a revolution against brave and good citizens, but attacked only the most cruel and wicked tyrants. As for Trajan, I should naturally rank higher on account of those same glorious exploits against the tyrants, while it would be only fair to regard me as his equal on the score of that territory which he added to the empire, and I recovered; if indeed it be not more glorious to regain than to gain. As for Marcus here, by saying nothing for himself he yields precedency to all of us.” “But Constantine,” said Silenus, “are you not offering us mere gardens of Adonis[652] as exploits?” “What do you mean,” he asked, “by gardens of Adonis?” “I mean,” said Silenus, “those that women plant in pots, in honour of the lover of Aphrodite, by scraping together a little earth for a garden bed. They bloom for a little space and fade forthwith.” At this Constantine blushed, for he realised that this was exactly like his own performance.)
Ἡσυχίας δὲ γενομένης οἱ μὲν ἐῴκεσαν περιμένειν, ὄτῳ θήσονται τὴν ὑπὲρ τῶν πρωτείων οἱ θεοὶ ψῆφον· οἱ δ᾽ ᾤοντο δεῖν τὰς προαιρέσεις εἰς τοὐμφανὲς τῶν ἀνδρῶν προάγειν [330] καὶ οὐ κρίνειν ἐκ[653] τῶν πεπραγμένων αὐτοῖς, ὧν ἡ Τύχη μετεποιεῖτο τὸ πλεῖστον καὶ πάντων αὐτῶν καταβοῶσα παρειστήκει πλὴν Ὀκταβιανοῦ μόνου. τοῦτον δὲ εὐγνώμονα πρὸς ἑαυτὴν εἶναι ἔλεγεν. ἔδοξεν οὖν τοῖς θεοῖς ἐπιτρέψαι καὶ τοῦτο τῷ Ἑρμῇ, καὶ ἔδοσαν αὐτῷ πρῶτον [B] Ἀλεξάνδρου πυθέσθαι, τί νομίσειε κάλλιστον καὶ πρὸς τί βλέπων ἐργάσαιτο καὶ πάθοι πάντα ὅσαπερ δεδράκοι τε καὶ πεπόνθοι. ὁ δὲ ἔφη, Τὸ πάντα νικᾶν. εἶτα, εἶπεν ὁ Ἑρμῆς, οἴει σοι τοῦτο πεποιῆσθαι; καὶ μάλα, ἔφη ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος. ὁ δὲ Σειληνὸς τωθαστικῶς μάλα γελάσας, Ἀλλα ἐκράτουν γέ σου πολλάκις αἱ ἡμέτεραι θυγατέρες, αἰνιττόμενος τὰς ἀμπέλους, [C] τὸν Ἀλέξανδρον οἷα δή τινα μέθυσον [pg 400] καὶ φίλοινον σκώπτων. καὶ ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος ἅτε δὴ γέμων Περιπατητικῶν παρακουσμάτων, Οὐ τὰ ἄψυχα, ἔφη, νικᾶν· οὐδὲ γὰρ ἀγὼν ἡμῖν ἐστι πρὸς ταῦτα· ἀλλὰ πᾶν μὲν ἀνθρώπων, πᾶν δὲ θηρίων γένος, καὶ ὁ Σειληνὸς ὥσπερ οἱ θαυμάζοντες εἰρωνικῶς μάλα, [D] Ἰού, ἰού, ἔφη τῶν διαλεκτικῶν κιγκλίδων. αὐτὸς δὲ ἡμῖν ἐν ποτέρῳ σαυτὸν θήσεις γένει, τῶν ἀψύχων ἢ τῶν ἐμψύχων τε καὶ ζώντων; καὶ ὃς ὥσπερ ἀγανακτήσας, Εὐφήμει, ἔφη· ὑπὸ γὰρ μεγαλοψυχίας, ὅτι δὴ καὶ θεὸς γενοίμην, μᾶλλον δ᾽ εἴην, ἐπεπείσμην. Αὐτὸς οὖν, εἶπεν, ἡττήθης σεαυτοῦ πολλάκις. Ἀλλ᾽ αὐτὸν ἑαυτοῦ, εἶπεν ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος, κρατεῖν καὶ ἡττᾶσθαι ὁμωνύμως λέγεται· [331] ἐμοὶ δὲ ἦν ὑπὲρ τῶν πρὸς ἄλλους ὁ λόγος. Βαβαὶ τῆς διαλεκτικῆς, εἶπεν, ὅπως ἡμῶν τὰ σοφίσματα διελέγχεις. ἀλλ᾽ ἡνίκα, εἶπεν, ἐν Ἰνδοῖς ἐτρώθης καὶ ὁ Πευκέστης ἔκειτο παρὰ σέ, σὺ δὲ ἐξήγου ψυχορραγῶν τῆς πόλεως, ἆρα ἥττων ἦσθα τοῦ τρώσαντος, ἢ καὶ ἐκεῖνον ἐνίκας; Οὐκ ἐκεῖνον, ἔφη, μόνον, ἀλλὰ καὶ αὐτὴν ἐξεπόρθησα τὴν πόλιν. Οὐ σύ γε, εἶπεν, ὦ μακάριε· σὺ μὲν γὰρ ἔκεισο κατὰ τὸν Ὁμηρικὸν Ἕκτορα ὀλιγοδρανέων καὶ ψυχορραγῶν· [B] οἱ δὲ ἠγωνίζοντο καὶ ἐνίκων. Ἡγουμένων γ᾽ ἡμῶν, εἶπεν ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος. καὶ ὁ Σειληνός, Πῶς; οἵ γε [pg 402] ἐφέρεσθε μικροῦ νεκροί; εἶτα ᾖδε τῶν ἐξ Εὐριπίδου