(Silence was then proclaimed, and the Emperors thought they had only to wait till the gods decided to whom they would vote the first prize. But the latter agreed that they must bring to light the motives that had governed each, and not judge them by their actions alone, since Fortune had the greatest share in these. That goddess herself was standing near and kept reproaching all of them, with the single exception of Octavian; he, she said, had always been grateful to her. Accordingly the gods decided to entrust this enquiry also to Hermes, and he was told to begin with Alexander and to ask him what he considered the finest of all things, and what had been his object in doing and suffering all that he had done and suffered. “To conquer the world,” he replied. “Well,” asked Hermes, “do you think you accomplished this?” “I do indeed,” said Alexander. Whereupon Silenus with a malicious laugh exclaimed, “But you were often conquered yourself by my daughters!” by which he meant his vines, alluding to Alexander's love of wine and intemperate habits. But Alexander was well stocked with Peripatetic subterfuges, and retorted, “Inanimate things cannot conquer; nor do we contend with such, but only with the whole race of men and beasts.” “Ah,” said Silenus, “behold the chicanery of logic! But tell me in which class you place yourself, the inanimate or the animate and living?” At this he seemed mortified and said, “Hush! Such my greatness of soul that I was convinced that I should become, or rather that I was already, a god.” “At any rate,” said Silenus, “you were often defeated by yourself.” “Nay,” retorted Alexander, “to conquer oneself or be defeated by oneself amounts to the same thing. I was talking of my victories over other men.” “No more of your logic!” cried Silenus, “how adroitly you detect my sophisms! But when you were wounded in India,[654] and Peucestes[655] lay near you and they carried you out of the town at your last gasp, were you defeated by him who wounded you, or did you conquer him?” “I conquered him, and what is more I sacked the town as well.” “Not you indeed, you immortal,” said Silenus, “for you were lying like Homer's Hector in a swoon and at your last gasp. It was your soldiers who fought and conquered.” “Well but I led them,” said Alexander. “How so? When you were being carried away almost dead?” And then Silenus recited the passage in Euripides[656] beginning)
Οἴμοι, καθ᾽ Ἑλλάδ᾽ ὡς κακῶς νομίζεται,
Ὅταν τρόπαιον πολεμίων στήσῃ στρατός.
(“Alas how unjust is the custom of the Greeks, when an army triumphs over the enemy—”)
καὶ ὁ Διόνυσος, Παῦσαι, εἶπεν, ὦ παππίδιον, τοιαῦτα λέγων, [C] μή σε οὗτος ὁποῖα τὸν Κλεῖτον ἐργάσηται.[657] καὶ ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος ἐρυθριάσας τε ἅμα καὶ ὥσπερ συγχυθεὶς ὑπὸ τῶν δακρύων τὰ ὄμματα ἐσιώπα. καὶ ὅδε μὲν ὧδε ἔληξεν ὁ λόγος.
(But Dionysus interrupted him saying “Stop, little father, say no more, or he will treat you as he treated Cleitus.” At that Alexander blushed, his eyes became suffused with tears and he said no more. Thus their conversation ended.)
Ὁ δὲ Ἑρμῆς ἤρετο πάλιν τὸν Καίσαρα, Σοὶ δέ, εἶπεν, ὦ Καῖσαρ, τίς ἐγένετο σκοπὸς τοῦ βίου; Τὸ πρωτεύειν, [D] ἔφη, τῆς ἐμαυτοῦ καὶ μηδενὸς μήτε εἶναι μήτε νομίζεσθαι[658] δεύτερον. Τοῦτο, εἶπεν ὁ Ἑρμῆς, ἀσαφές ἐστι· πότερον γάρ, εἰπέ,[659] κατὰ σοφίαν ἢ τὴν ἐν τοῖς λόγοις δεινότητα ἢ πολεμικὴν ἐμπειρίαν ἢ πολιτικὴν δύναμιν; Ἦν μὲν οὖν, ἔφη ὁ Καῖσαρ, ἡδύ μοι τῶν πάντων ἐν πᾶσιν εἶναι πρώτῳ· τούτου δὲ οὐ δυνάμενος ἐπιτυχεῖν τὸ δύνασθαι μέγιστον παρὰ τοῖς ἐμαυτοῦ πολίταις ἐζήλωσα. [332] Σὺ δέ, εἶπεν, ἐδυνήθης μέγα; πρὸς αὐτὸν ὁ Σειληνός. καὶ ὅς, Πάνυ γε, ἔφη· κύριος γοῦν αὐτῶν ἐγενόμην. Ἀλλὰ τοῦτο μέν, εἶπεν ἐδυνήθης· ἀγαπηθῆναι δὲ ὑπ᾽ αὐτῶν οὐχ οἷός τε ἐγένου, καὶ ταῦτα πολλὴν μὲν ὑποκρινάμενος ὥσπερ ἐν δράματι καὶ σκηνῷ φιλανθρωπίαν, αἰσχρῶς δὲ αὐτοὺς πάντας κολακεύων. Εἶτα οὖκ ἀγαπηθῆναι δοκῶ, [B] εἶπεν, ὑπὸ τοῦ δήμου τοῦ διώξαντος [pg 404] Βροῦτον καὶ Κάσσιον; Οὐκ ἐπειδή σε ἀπέκτειναν, ἔφη· διὰ τοῦτο μὲν γὰρ αὐτοὺς ὁ δῆμος ἐψηφίσατο εἶναι ὑπάτους· ἀλλὰ διὰ τὸ ἀργύριον, ἐπειδὴ τῶν διαθηκῶν ἀκροασάμενοι μισθὸν ἑώρων τῆς ἀγανακτήσεως αὐτοῖς οὔτοι[660] τὸν τυχόντα προσεγγεγραμμένον.
(Next Hermes began to question Caesar, and said, “And you, Caesar, what was the end and aim of your life?” “To hold the first place in my own country,” he replied, “and neither to be nor to be thought second to any man.” “This,” said Hermes, “is not quite clear. Tell me, was it in wisdom that you wished to be first, or in oratorical skill, or in military science, or the science of government?” “I should have liked well,” said Caesar, “to be first of all men in all of these; but as I could not attain to that, I sought to become the most powerful of my fellow-citizens.” “And did you become so very powerful?” asked Silenus. “Certainly,” he replied, “since I made myself their master.” “Yes, that you were able to do; but you could not make yourself beloved by them, though you played the philanthropic rôle as though you were acting in a stage-play, and flattered them all shamefully.” “What!” cried Caesar, “I not beloved by the people? When they punished Brutus and Cassius!” “That was not for murdering you,” replied Silenus, “since for that they elected them consuls![661] No, it was because of the money you left them. When they had heard your will read they perceived what a fine reward was offered them in it for such resentment of your murder.”)
[C] Λήξαντος δὲ καὶ τοῦδε τοῦ λόγου, τὸν Ὀκταβιανὸν αὖθις ὁ Ἑρμῆς ἐκίνει. Σὺ δέ, εἶπεν, οὐκ ἐρεῖς ἡμῖν, τί κάλλιστον ἐνόμιζες εἶναι; καὶ ὅς, Βασιλεῦσαι, ἔφη, καλῶς. Τί δέ ἐστι τὸ καλῶς, ὧ Σεβαστέ, φράσον, ἐπεὶ τοῦτό γε ἔστι καὶ τοῖς πονηροτάτοις λέγειν. ᾤετο γοῦν καὶ Διονύσιος καλῶς βασιλεύειν καὶ ὁ τούτου μιαρώτερος Ἀγαθοκλῆς. Ἀλλ᾽ ἴστε, [D] εἶπεν, ὦ θεοί, ὡς προπέμπων τὸν θυγατριδοῦν ηὐξάμην ὑμῖν τόλμαν μὲν αὐτῷ δοῦναι τὴν Καίσαρος, δεινότητα δὲ τὴν Πομπηίου, τύχην δὲ τὴν ἐμήν. Πολλά, εἶπεν ὁ Σειληνός, καὶ θεῶν ὄντως σωτήρων ἔργα δεόμενα συνεφόρησεν οὗτος ὁ κοροπλάθος. Εἶτα διὰ τί τοῦτο, ἔφη, τὸ ὄνομά μοι γελοῖον οὕτως ἔθου; Ἢ γὰρ οὐκ ἔπλαττες ἡμῖν, εἶπεν, ὥσπερ ἐκεῖνοι τὰς νύμφας, ὦ Σεβαστέ, θεούς, ὧν ἕνα καὶ πρῶτον τουτονὶ Καίσαρα; [333] καὶ ὁ μὲν Ὀκταβιανὸς ὥσπερ δυσωπούμενος ἀπεσιώπησεν.
(When this dialogue ended, Hermes next accosted Octavian. “Now for you,” he said, “will you please tell us what you thought the finest thing in the world?” “To govern well,” he replied. “You must say what you mean by ‘well,’ Augustus. Govern well! The wickedest tyrants claim to do that. Even Dionysius,[662] I suppose, thought that he governed well, and so did Agathocles[663] who was a still greater criminal.” “But you know, O ye gods,” said Octavian, “that when I parted with my grandson[664] I prayed you to give him the courage of Caesar, the cleverness of Pompey, and my own good fortune.” “What a many things,” cried Silenus, “that do need really saving gods have been jumbled together by this doll-maker!” “Why pray do you give me that ridiculous name?” asked the other. “Why,” he replied, “just as they model nymphs did you not model gods,[665] Augustus, and first and foremost Caesar here?” At this Octavian seemed abashed and said no more.)