(But now I come to ponder the matter I find that I have committed yet other terrible sins. For though I was coming to a free city which cannot tolerate unkempt hair, I entered it unshaven and with a long beard, like men who are at a loss for a barber. One would have thought it was some Smicrines[728] he saw, or some Thrasyleon, some ill-tempered old man or crazy soldier, when by beautifying myself I might have appeared as a blooming boy and transformed myself into a youth, if not in years, at any rate in manners and effeminacy of features. “You do not know,” you answer, “how to mix with people, and cannot approve of the maxim of Theognis,[729] for you do not imitate the polypus which takes on the colours of the rocks. Nay rather you behave to all men with the proverbial Myconian[730] boorishness and ignorance and stupidity. Are you not aware that we here are far from being Celts or Thracians or Illyrians? Do you not see what a number of shops there are in this city? But you are hated by the shopkeepers because you do not allow them to sell provisions to the common people and those who are visiting the city at a price as high as they please. The shopkeepers blame the landowners for the high prices; but you make these men also your enemies, by compelling them to do what is just. Again, those who hold office in the city are subject to both penalties; I mean that just as, before you came, they obviously used to enjoy profits from both sources, both as landowners and as shopkeepers, so naturally they are now aggrieved on both accounts, since they have been robbed of their profits from both sources. Then the whole body of Syrian citizens are discontented because they cannot get drunk and dance the cordax.[731] You, however, think that you are feeding them well enough if you provide them with plenty of corn. Another charming thing about you is that you do not even take care that the city shall have shell-fish. Nay more, when someone complained the other day that neither shell-fish nor much poultry could be found in the market, you laughed very maliciously and said that a well-conducted city needs bread, wine and olive oil, but meat only when it is growing luxurious.[732] For you said that even to speak of fish and poultry is the extreme of luxury and of profligacy such as was beyond the reach of even the suitors in Ithaca; and that anyone who did not enjoy eating pork and mutton[733] would fare very well if he took to vegetables.[734] You must have thought that you were laying down these rules for Thracians, your own fellow-citizens, or for the uncultured people of Gaul who—so much the worse for us!—trained you to be ‘a heart of maple, a heart of oak,’ though not indeed ‘one who fought at Marathon’[735] also, but rather to be half of you an Acharnian and altogether an unpleasant person and an ungracious fellow. Would it not be better that the market place should be fragrant with myrrh when you walk there and that you should be followed by a troop of handsome boys at whom the citizens could stare, and by choruses of women like those that exhibit themselves every day in our city?”)
[351] Ἐμὲ δὲ ὑγρὸν βλέπειν ῥιπτοῦντα πανταχοῦ τὰ ὄμματα, ὅπως ὑμῖν καλός, οὔτι τὴν ψυχήν, ἀλλὰ τὸ πρόσωπον ὀφθείην, ὁ τρόπος οὐ συγχωρεῖ. ἔστι γάρ, ὡς ὑμεῖς κρίνετε, ψυχῆς ἀληθινὸν κάλλος ὑγρότης βίου. ἐμὲ δὲ ὁ παιδαγωγὸς ἐδίδασκεν εἰς γῆν βλέπειν ἐς διδασκάλου φοιτῶντα· θέατρον δ᾽ οὐκ εἶδον πρὶν μᾶλλον κομῆσαι τῆς [pg 458] κεφαλῆς τὸ γένειον, ἐν ἐκείνῳ δὲ τῆς ἡλικίας ἰδίᾳ μὲν καὶ κατ᾽ ἐμαυτὸν οὐδέποτε, τρίτον δὲ ἢ τέταρτον, εὖ ἴστε, [B] Πατρόκλῳ ἐπίηρα φέρων ἄρχων ἐπέταττεν οἰκεῖος ὢν ἐμοὶ καὶ ἀναγκαῖος· ἐτύγχανον δὲ ἰδιώτης ἔτι· σύγγνωτε οὖν ἐμοί· δίδωμι γὰρ ὃν ἀντ᾽ ἐμοῦ δικαιότερον μισήσετε τὸν φιλαπεχθήμονα παιδαγωγόν, ὅς με καὶ τότε ἐλύπει μίαν ὁδὸν ἰέναι διδάσκων καὶ νῦν αἴτιος ἐστί μοι τῆς πρὸς ὑμᾶς ἀπεχθείας, [C] ἐνεργασάμενος τῇ ψυχῇ καὶ ὥσπερ ἐντυπώσας ὅπερ ἐγὼ μὲν οὐκ ἐβουλόμην τότε, ὁ δὲ ὡς δή τι χαρίεν ποιῶν μάλα προθύμως ἐνετίθει, καλῶν οἶμαι σεμνότητα τὴν ἀγροικίαν καὶ σωφροσύνην τὴν ἀναισθησίαν, ἀνδρείαν δὲ τὸ μὴ εἴκειν ταῖς ἐπιθυμίαις μηδ᾽ εὐδαίμονα ταύτῃ γίνεσθαι. ἔφη δέ μοι πολλάκις, εὖ ἴστε, ναὶ μὰ Δία καὶ μούσας, ὁ παιδαγωγὸς ἔτι παιδαρίῳ κομιδῇ, Μή σε παραπειθέτω τὸ πλῆθος τῶν ἡλικιωτῶν ἐπὶ τὰ θέατρα [D] φερόμενον ὀρεχθῆναί ποτε ταυτησὶ τῆς θέας. ἱπποδρομίας ἐπιθυμεῖς; ἔστι παρ᾽ Ὁμήρῳ δεξιώτατα πεποιημένη· λαβὼν ἐπέξιθι τὸ βιβλίον. τοὺς παντομίμους ἀκούεις ὀρχηστάς; ἔα χαίρειν αὐτούς· ἀνδρικώτερον παρὰ τοῖς Φαίαξιν ὀρχεῖται τὰ μειράκια· σὺ δ᾽ ἔχεις κιθαρῳδὸν τὸν Φήμιον καὶ ᾠδὸν τὸν Δημόδοκον. [pg 460] ἔστι καὶ φυτὰ παρ᾽ αὐτῷ πολλὰ τερπνότερα ἀκοῦσαι τῶν ὁρωμένων·
(No, my temperament does not allow me to look wanton, casting my eyes in all directions in order that in your sight I may appear beautiful, not indeed in soul but in face. For, in your judgment, true beauty of soul consists in a wanton life. I, however, was taught by my tutor to look on the ground when I was on my way to school; and as for a theatre, I never saw one until I had more hair on my chin than on my head,[736] and even at that age it was never on my own account and by my own wish, but three or four times, you must know, the governor who was my kinsman and near relative, “doing a favour to Patroclus,” ordered me to attend; it was while I was still a private individual.[737] Therefore forgive me. For I hand over to you instead of myself one whom you will more justly detest, I mean that curmudgeon my tutor who even then used to harass me by teaching me to walk in one straight path[738] and now he is responsible for my quarrel with you. It was he who wrought in my soul and as it were carved therein what I did not then desire, though he was very zealous in implanting it, as though he were producing some charming characteristic; and boorishness he called dignity, lack of taste he called sobriety, and not yielding to one's desires or achieving happiness by that means he called manliness. I assure you, by Zeus and the Muses, that while I was still a mere boy my tutor would often say to me: “Never let the crowd of your playmates who flock to the theatres lead you into the mistake of craving for such spectacles as these. Have you a passion for horse races? There is one in Homer,[739] very cleverly described. Take the book and study it. Do you hear them talking about dancers in pantomime? Leave them alone! Among the Phaeacians the youths dance in more manly fashion. And for citharode[740] you have Phemius; for singer Demodocus. Moreover there are in Homer many plants more delightful to hear of than those that we can see:)
Δήλῳ δή ποτε τοῖον Ἀπόλλωνος παρὰ βωμὸν
[352] Φοίνικος νέον ἔρνος ἀνερχόμενον ἐνόησα.
(‘Even so did I once see the young shoot of a date palm springing up near the altar of Apollo on Delos.’[741])
καὶ ἡ δενδρήεσσα τῆς Καλυψοῦς νῆσος καὶ τὰ τῆς Κίρκης σπήλαια καὶ ὁ Ἀλκίνου κῆπος· εὖ ἴσθι, τούτων οὐδὲν ὄψει τερπνότερον.
(“And consider the wooded island of Calypso and the caves of Circe and the garden of Alcinous; be assured that you will never see anything more delightful than these.”)
Ἆρα ποθεῖτε καὶ τοὔνομα ὑμῖν φράσω τοῦ παιδαγωγοῦ, καὶ ὅστις ὢν γένος ταῦτα ἔλεγε; βάρβαρος νὴ θεοὺς καὶ θεάς, Σκύθης μὲν τὸ γένος, ὁμώνυμος δὲ τοῦ τὸν Ξέρξην ἀναπείσαντος ἐπὶ τὴν Ἑλλάδα στρατεῦσαι, καὶ τὸ πολυθρύλητον τοῦτο δὴ [B] πρὸ μηνῶν μὲν εἴκοσι προσκυνούμενον ὄνομα, νυνὶ δὲ προφερόμενον ἀντ᾽ ἀδικήματος καὶ ὀνείδους, εὐνοῦχος ἦν, ὑπὸ τὠμῷ τεθραμμένος πάππῳ, τὴν μητέρα τὴν ἐμὴν ὅπως ἀγάγοι διὰ τῶν Ὁμήρου καὶ Ἡσιόδου ποιημάτων. ἐπεὶ δ᾽ ἐκείνη πρῶτον ἐμὲ καὶ μόνον τεκοῦσα μησὶν ὕστερον ὀλίγοις ἐτελεύτησεν ὑπὸ τῆς ἀμήτορος παρθένου πολλῶν [C] συμφορῶν ἐκκλαπεῖσα κόρη καὶ νέα, μετ᾽ ἐνιαυτὸν ἕβδομον αὐτῷ παρεδόθην. οὗτος ἐξ ἐκείνου ταῦτα ἀνέπεισεν ἄγων ἐς διδασκάλου μίαν ὁδόν· ἄλλην δ᾽ οὔτ᾽ αὐτὸς εἰδέναι [pg 462] θέλων οὔτ᾽ ἐμοὶ βαδίζειν ξυγχωρῶν ἐποίησεν ἀπεχθάνεσθαί με πᾶσιν ὑμῖν. ἀλλ᾽, εἰ δοκεῖ, σπεισώμεθα πρὸς αὐτὸν ἐγώ τε καὶ ὑμεῖς τὴν ἀπέχθειαν λύσαντες. οὔτε γὰρ ἠπίστατο πρὸς ὑμᾶς ἀφιξόμενον οὔτ᾽, εἰ τὰ μάλιστα φοιτᾶν μέλλοιμι, [D] ὅτι καὶ ἄρχων προσεδόκα, καὶ τοσαύτην ἀρχήν, ὅσην ἔδωκαν οἱ θεοί, πολλὰ ὁμοῦ βιασάμενοι, πείσθητέ μοι, καὶ τὸν διδόντα καὶ τὸν δεχόμενον. ἐῴκει γὰρ ἡμῶν οὐδέτερος ἐθέλειν οὔτε ὁ διδοὺς τὴν τιμὴν ἢ χάριν ἢ ὅ,τι φίλον ὑμῖν αὐτὸ ὀνομάζειν δοῦναι, καὶ ὁ λαμβάνων, ὡς ἴσασιν οἱ θεοὶ πάντες, ἀληθῶς ἠρνεῖτο. καὶ δὴ τοῦτο μὲν ὅπῃ τοῖς θεοῖς φίλον ἔχει τε καὰ ἕξει. τυχὸν δὲ ὁ παιδαγωγὸς εἰ προύγνω τοῦτο, [353] πολλὴν ἂν ἐποιήσατο προμήθειαν, ὅπως ὅ,τι μάλιστα ὑμῖν φανείην κεχαρισμένος.
(And now do you want me to tell you also my tutor's name and the nationality of the man who used to say these things? He was a barbarian, by the gods and goddesses; by birth he was a Scythian, and he had the same name[742] as the man who persuaded Xerxes to invade Greece. Moreover he was a eunuch, a word which, twenty months ago,[743] was constantly heard and revered, though it is now applied as an insult and a term of abuse. He had been brought up under the patronage of my grandfather, in order that he might instruct my mother[744] in the poems of Homer and Hesiod. And since she, after giving birth to me her first and only child, died a few months later, snatched away while she was still a young girl by the motherless maiden[745] from so many misfortunes that were to come, I was handed over to him after my seventh year. From that time he won me over to these views of his, and led me to school by one straight path; and since neither he himself desired to know any other nor allowed me to travel by any other path, it is he who has caused me to be hated by all of you. However, if you agree, let us make a truce with him, you and I, and make an end of our quarrel. For he neither knew that I should visit you nor did he anticipate that, even supposing I was likely to come here, it would be as a ruler, and that too over so great an empire as the gods bestowed on me; though they did not do so, believe me, without using great compulsion both towards him who offered and him who accepted it. For neither of us had the air of being willing; since he who offered that honour or favour or whatever you may please to call it, was unwilling to bestow it, while he who received it was sincere in steadily refusing it. This matter, however, is and shall be as the gods will. But perhaps if my tutor had foreseen this he would have exercised much forethought to the end that I might, as far as possible, seem agreeable in your eyes.)