At first we had a swift little animal, which could not be stopped at all when he was behind another carriage, till that carriage stopped first. It was an advantage in some cases,—for instance, when preceded by a good horse; but if the horse went further than our destination, one of us had to jump out and hold back the fiery and stubborn little brute by sheer force, till his sense of jealous emulation was appeased.
The load upon the cart, when we were all together, was found excessive for the animal, and my husband, who was always deeply concerned about the welfare of dumb creatures, decided to have a bigger and stronger donkey. He bought a very fine one, strong enough to pull us all, but he did it in such a leisurely fashion that he received the expressive name of "Dort-debout." This led my husband to write to me sometimes from London, after a hard day's work: "Here is a very short note, but I am like our donkey, je dors debout."
The editor of the "Saturday Review" asked Mr. Hamerton to be present at the opening of the Paris Exhibition of 1867, and to write a series of articles on the works of art exhibited; then to proceed to London for a review of the Academy. He wished me very much to go with him, and I being nothing loth, we started together, and received in Paris the following letter from Aunt Susan:—
"WEST LODGE. April 20, 1867.
"MY DEAR NEPHEW,—I am very glad indeed to hear from you, as I now know where to direct my long-intended epistle to you; your uncle thought you would not like to come to the exhibition in its very unfinished state, and I thought you would like to be at the opening of it, and so the matter was resting quite unacted upon. I grieve very much to tell you of the sad tidings we have of poor Anne Gould; there has been a consultation with her medical men, and they pronounce her case very serious,—in fact, incurable. She grows thinner and weaker almost every week, and one lung is said to be affected. A confinement is expected in July, and I cannot but still hope that she may possibly come round again; but it has been sorrowful news. We shall be very glad to see you both at West Lodge when you can make it convenient, and I do hope and trust we shall be able to enjoy the anticipated pleasure of your company. You will have left home with comparative comfort, the boys being both at college, and, I expect, grandmamma with the little sister. I was very glad when you wrote 'before we can be in England,' as it assured me the little wife was not to be sent homeward from Paris, instead of accompanying you to West Lodge, where we shall be very glad to see her."
Nevertheless, I had to go homewards, for about three weeks after our arrival in Paris I heard that my little daughter Mary was ill with bronchitis, and I hastened to her whilst my husband was leaving for London. I was doubly sorry, because he was very reluctant to go alone; but although he felt a sort of instinctive dread of the journey he did not attempt to detain me. He had borne the sight-seeing very well, and the crowds, which he disliked; but it was mainly because he had been spared hotel life, for we had lodged with a former servant of ours, who was married at Pré-Charmoy, and now lived at La Glacière, in Paris. It was by no means a fashionable quarter, and our lodgings left much to be desired in the way of comfort, but it will be seen how much he regretted it all when alone at Kew, where he had taken lodgings after much suffering from fatigue, over-work, and depression. Still, the first news from London was very gratifying:—
"Un mot seulement pour te dire que toutes les huit eaux-fortes sont reçues à l'Académie et bien placées. Ces Académiciens commencent à devenir gentils.
"Ce matin je suis allé de bonne heure à l'Académie, comme d'habitude; j'ai maintenant ma carte d'exposant dont je suis très fier."
But after a fortnight he wrote:—
"PETITE CHÉRIE,—Aujourd'hui je vais me donner le plaisir de m'entretenir longuement avec toi. Combien je préférerais te parler de vive voix. Je suppose que je suis très bien ici; c'est-à-dire j'ai tout ce que j'aime matériellement: le bon air, la belle nature, un petit appartement d'une propriété vraiment exquise, une belle rivière tout à côté, et des canots à ma disposition. Et cependant, malgré cela je suis d'une tristesse mortelle, et j'ai beau me raisonner là-contre. Nous avons été si heureux ensemble à Paris, malgré notre sale petite rue que je vois bien la vérité de ce que tu m'as dit qu'il vaudrait mieux vivre dans n'importe quel tandis, ensemble, que dans des palais, et sépares. Si je croyais à l'immortalité de l'âme, je regarderais avec effroi la possibilité d'être au ciel pendant que tu resterais sur la terre. Je crois que ma maladie est due principalement à la tristesse et je tâche de lutter là-contre. Je vais faire quelques eaux-fortes et aquarelles dans mes moments de loisir pour m'empêcher, autant que possible, de penser à ma solitude.