"Indeed, madam, I leave it to others to say what I have done for the nation. But you will not find me wanting when called upon; and, as I have always said, give me but a chance, and they shall have enough of my greatness!"
"Truly, sir," rejoined Flora, "I hold it fortunate that the nation should have found so honest a man. But as government is something our sex take no part in, perhaps you can tell me if there be any truth in the report, that politicians have no higher aims in these days than plundering the government; and that patriotism being a thing quite unknown, the great object with our congressmen is how they can best put money in their pockets, in the pursuit of which they are so insatiable as to sell their manliness in exchange for it?"
"Since you have set me down for an honest man, madam, which is no small compliment, I will say that my wife, Polly Potter, who is something of a politician, and as true a wife as needs be, always says of me, that my honesty will be my fortune. And as she has a queer way of expressing herself, she has many times said to me, 'Roger, when them politicians get to strippin' the nation to her very skin, do thou be the man to come forward and hold down the apron, and keep her shame from being altogether exposed.' And this I have pledged her I would do, and may heaven protect her. As for stripping the nation to the skin, or even taking away her clothes, that, though I am neither prophet nor editor, they shall never do while Major Potter has an arm and a tongue."
Flora blushed, and for some minutes held her peace, as well she might. And as he had gorged himself to that degree that serious consequences were apprehended, and was somewhat disturbed at the questions Flora would put at the moment when his mouth was most full, and which true politeness command that he reply to, the silence which prevailed afforded him an excellent opportunity for despatching his meal in peace. Nat Bradshaw, whose countenance wore a sinister smile, added to the joke by constantly filling the major's glass and pledging him in a toast.
When the major had finished his supper, Flora, whose nature was of such a turn that she could not give much rest to her mischief, entreated him that he relate for their entertainment some of the wonderful exploits of which he was the hero during the Mexican War.
"Your grace and beauty, madam, and I am no flatterer, demands that I comply with your request, though it is against the rules of the profession, which set forth that the deeds of all great military men are the property of the nation," replied the major. But as his vanity was stronger than his respect for the rules of the service, he at once commenced and went on to relate some of the most wonderful exploits ever achieved by mortal valor, all of which he described as having taken place during the war with Mexico, though I venture to assert that they have never been recorded in any published history of that war. Nor will it be necessary to add, that he made himself the hero of every one of them. Indeed, if there was a forlorn hope he had not led, or a plan of attack that had not been suggested by him long before it was executed, they were not worthy of mention in this history. And he would interpolate by saying: "All these things I relate no man will deny, but as history takes care of my General Scott, so such as me, who have braved the brunt of it, must see to ourselves." And these marvelous adventures the major would have gone on relating until the hour of morning, when sparrows rise, had not he of the tall figure put an end to Flora's mischief, by remarking, that as the wind was freshening, and the squadron had tacked ship, it was necessary they return and report what had taken place to the commodore, who would no doubt receive it as great good news. "And now, sir," said he, taking the major by the hand, "this meeting will long live in my memory; and since I see you need rest from your labors, the night, too, being far advanced, we will return and report, for I see the fleet is put on the other tack, and our commodore is strict in the enforcement of his orders. But if it meet your pleasure, the squadron will to-morrow at ten o'clock form port and starboard lines, fire a salute, and proceed in escort. This done, the commodore will come on board and pay the respect due to your distinguished position." The major replied, that the honor, so unexpected, and in truth so unmerited, he could not but confess would be most gratifying to him; he would therefore prepare himself for the occasion, hoping they would excuse any little deficiency, for barring now and then he was not clever at an impromptu speech. The party now took leave of him for the night, and having handsomely rewarded Dame Snider for the trouble they had given her, set sail on board the Saucy Kate, her white sails flashing in the moonbeams as she made for the fleet, and the music of Flora's voice floating sweetly over the sea.
CHAPTER XXV.
WHICH RELATES HOW THE MAJOR WAS RECEIVED BY THE COMMODORE OF THE YACHT SQUADRON, AND SUNDRY OTHER QUEER THINGS, WITHOUT WHICH THIS HISTORY WOULD NOT SUSTAIN ITS CHARACTER FOR TRUTH.
UNGRATEFUL indeed would it be in me, the writer of this history, the companion in arms, and admirer of all that is great and good in the major as a military politician, did I fail to record, in honor of his gallantry, of which none could be more scrupulous, that he offered his arm and escorted Flora safe on board the Saucy Kate, apologizing for the worn condition of his raiment, and regretting exceedingly that he was not habited in his uniform. And although flushed with the importance of what had taken place, the major was haunted with a misgiving as to what ladies of such quality would think of his traveling in so humble a manner. But he bethought himself, that neither scepters, nor miters, nor grand equipages, make the man-in fine, that a man may ride an ass without saddle or bridle and find a good home in heaven, when the doors would be shut against bishops who roll about in liveries devised by the devil, which is his occupation. And this brought him such infinite relief, that he hastened to his faithful old Battle, and having bestowed upon him sundry caresses, told him he ought to be thankful he had so fortunate a master. He also paid a visit to his pig, who was sleeping soundly in his cage of slats. "Now, then," said the major to himself, as he looked in upon the animal with an air of great self-satisfaction, "in the possession of this gifted creature I have a staunch reliance. And should fortune again send me strolling upon the world, as it has done many a popular politician, I will so develop this fellow's gifts that they shall be worth a bank in Wall Street. In truth, he is as well bred as most of our politicians; and as to his honesty, I will pit him against any of them." As Duncan did not manifest the slightest regard for these kindly tokens, the major went quietly into the cabin, and there occupied himself for more than an hour furbishing up a sword of uncommon size, and a three cornered hat the moths had reduced to dilapidation, though he charged it all to the bullets of the Mexicans. And when they were polished to his entire satisfaction, and he had twice or thrice thanked God that it was not the failing of politicians to turn parsons, as it was with parsons to turn politicians, he lay down upon the locker and soon was in a sound sleep, in which he dreamed of a thousand or more things that were to take place in honor of him on the following day.
The Saucy Kate was not long in gaining the commodore's yacht, a rakish looking schooner of some two hundred tons, whose lofty spars and middle staysail were seen overtopping the sails of her lesser companions, like a giant among dwarfs. And although it was past midnight when Frank Story entered her cabin, he found it filled with members of the club, who, at the invitation of the commodore, had left their several yachts, and were making night jubilant over a table spread with choice wines, of which there was no stint. There were also massive punch bowls, of chased silver, standing here and there along the table, and filled with delicious punch, which those who preferred drank from goblets of silver and gold. Commodore Skim- merhorn, who sat at the head of the table, was a man of rotund figure, had a bright, ruddy face, and was frank and easy in his bearing. When he of the tall figure entered they were discussing a question of Greek criticism, some of the members of the club being men of much taste and learning. But this they suspended in order to hear his report of the strange sloop. And this he commenced to relate, describing with so much quaint humor the wonderful major he had found on board, that they were all surprised and astonished. In truth, not a few proposed going immediately to pay their respects to him, and learn to what manner of mankind he belonged. But if they were surprised with the description, they marveled when told that this major was no less a person than he whom the New York politicians intended to make such an ado over. However, as the New York politicians were most known for their folly, and making a hero now and then was with them a means of getting bread, it was not so surprising that they chose for a candidate one who would pass readily for a fool.