"And now, sir," exclaimed the major, grasping the landlord warmly by the hand, "I see you are a philosopher; for though you might lock me up, (being your property in law,) and cause my wife Polly to bewail my fate, you would also lock up my prospects, which are your hopes. Remember, sir, I am a soldier who has fought many battles, and have scars enough to satisfy any man that I am an honorable gentleman. And I would have you consider, sir, that several of my friends, (and they are no small men,) have said it might do to try me in the next presidential contest. And as you are a discreet man, pray keep before your eyes how easy it would be with a salary of twenty-five thousand dollars and the edgings, to shuffle off such a trifle. Consider it well, sir, and you will not let your anxiety interfere with my prospects, since I am now a man of mark, and shall at least get a foreign mission, for the vast services I have rendered the party. And I will share the income with you, if my children go supperless to bed." The major continued in this manner, pleading his poverty with the landlord, until he so excited the goodness of his heart, that he not only regretted having resorted to law, but actually dispatched the official to his attorney with orders to forthwith stay proceedings. He also accepted the major's word of honor for the forthcoming of all demands; and, indeed, would not be content until he had dined at his house, and recounted the many deeds of valor he had performed while in Mexico, which he did over a bottle of old Madeira.
CHAPTER XXXII.
WHICH DESCRIBES WHAT TOOK PLACE WHEN THE MAJOR RETURNED TO THE SAINT NICHOLAS; WITH AN ACCOUNT OF HOW HE GOT INTO DEBT AT THE ASTOR, AND VARIOUS OTHER THINGS.
IT was early evening when the major came exultingly into his parlor at the Saint Nicholas, and after quenching his thirst in a nicely mixed beverage, for the day was excessively warm, said: "And now, young man, I own I have not done much for you yet; but you must not be discomfited, for there is a good time ahead, and I begin to esteem myself no small diplomatist. Indeed, if you had seen how I accommodated myself to that affair with the Astor, which threatened to overthrow all my prospects to-day, you would have seen, sir, that I am not a man to build castles in the air. No, sir, I hold the advantage gained over the host of the Astor in the light of a victory gained over my enemies. And though my private affairs are somewhat loose in the joints, what matters it, so long as I stand square in the public eye? Private affairs are private affairs, and I hold it good philosophy that they have nothing to do with a public man and his usefulness."
The major here commenced to recount, taking considerable credit to himself as a diplomatist, how he got the advantage of the landlord.
"I pleaded my poverty while keeping my prospective riches before his eyes," said he; "and as he was as scrupulous of his character for generosity as he was of the reputation of his house, I was careful to enhance the opportunity of flattering both those weaknesses. I also said, by way of perfecting the thing, that when in the capacity of foreign minister, I had agreed to correspond with the Courier and Enquirer, which, notwithstanding it was an almost pious newspaper, and edited by not less than two famous generals, and the grandson of a most worthy bishop, who was a poetaster, as well as a man of so much fashion that he had gained an enviable celerity for writing sonnets and eulogistic essays in admiration of fair but very faulty actresses; being the prospective correspondent of this almost pious newspaper, I consoled the landlord with a promise to write numerous puffs of his house. My point is carried, and if they like not my articles, as the critics say, they will at least give me credit for astuteness, for the man who succeeds is the man in these days!"
"And now, sir," said I, "remember that you promised, as we were journeying over the road to Barnstable, to renew the history of your first adventure in New York, in which you were interrupted by the mischievous boys." And as nothing so much pleased him as to relate his misfortunes at that time, he went straight into a rhapsody of joy, fretted his beard, looked quizzically out of his eyes, and said:
"I have it, sir! I have the exact place. I was, as I am now, on my way to Washington, in the hope of getting a reward for the services I had rendered the party; but having lost all my money by one of these pranks which the gentry of New York practice, and which Mr. Councilman Finnigan, (I honor him in his present position,) is, no doubt, skilled in, I had no means either to pay my landlord, or what certainly was much more, to leave his premises.
"Days and weeks I was a martyr to my doubts and fears, and ate the good man's meat as if his finger was on my shoulder, and his eye on my plate. Several times he suggested, in the most gentlemanly manner, that it would be consulting economy for me to seek private board. But I should like to see the man who could look a widow landlady in the face, (unless he intended marrying one of her daughters,) without a dollar in his pocket. I told the landlord as much, but he only laughed, and said it was a thing very common at this day.
"I got up one morning, eat what little my anxiety would admit, went and sat down upon a seat in the Park, and contemplated the inclinations of the passers as they rushed by; fixed my eyes upon the city hall clock, as it struck ten, and thought the policemen cast an unusually sharp eye at me, as they sauntered by, and puzzled my brain to find some means of relief, for I had just received a letter from my wife, Polly, who was in a sad strait at home, which added to the amount of my own misfortunes. And while I was musing in this way, a street beggar appeared, and notwithstanding he was well dressed, demanded alms; and when I told him I had none to give, he set to cursing me right manfully, which was a custom with such knaves, who imitated the city fathers in more ways than one. And as if to show his contempt for one who had no alms to give, the knave threw me a shilling, which he advised me to spend for the washing of my linen, which he saw stood in much need of it. Remembering that I was a politician, I felt mortified enough, and summoning what little stock of courage I had left, I repaired to the hotel, resolved to be manly, and ask the loan of twenty dollars or so, just to get me over my difficulties-that is, to get out of the Astor and into humble lodgings. Being at that time skilled in the art of making calf brogans, necessity seemed pointing me to that as the only means of retrieving my fortunes.