[ANY CHANGE FOR THE BETTER]
In the course of the play one of the characters had to say to a very plain actor, "My lord, you change countenance"; whereupon a young fellow in the pit cried, "For heaven's sake, let him!"
[TACT]
Little Jimmy had been sent early to bed, but he could not sleep. Presently he called out to his mother in plaintive tones, "Mummy, bring me a glass of water, I'm so thirsty." No reply being vouchsafed him, he repeated his request after a short interval. And this time received an abrupt answer, "If you don't be quiet I'll come up to slap you." Suddenly a thought struck him and still in plaintive voice he cried, "Mummy, when you come to slap me, bring me a glass of water."
[THE RETORT RUDE]
A young dude (with a monocle) and very irregular features while travelling by train was at first much amused by the grimaces of a boy who was sitting facing him. The boy, however, was obviously laughing at him so the dude asked him if he could share the joke.
"Joke!" said the boy, "it's your face I'm laughing at."
"Well, I can't help my face, can I?"
"No," replied the boy, leaving the train, "but you could stay at home."