A man once went to purchase a horse of a Quaker. "Will he draw well?" asked the buyer. "Thee wilt be pleased to see him draw." The bargain was concluded, and the farmer tried the horse, but he would not stir a step. He returned and said, "That horse will not draw an inch." "I did not tell thee that it would draw, friend, I only remarked that it would please thee to see him draw, so it would me, but he would never gratify me in that respect."
[CERTAINLY NOT ASLEEP]
A country schoolmaster had two pupils, to one of whom he was partial, and to the other severe. One morning it happened that these two boys were late, and were called up to account for it. "You must have heard the bell, boys; why did you not come?" "Please, sir," said the favourite, "I was dreaming that I was going to Margate, and I thought the school-bell was the steamboat-bell." "Very well," said the master, glad of any pretext to excuse his favourite. "And now, sir," turning to the other, "what have you to say?" "Please, sir," said the puzzled boy, "I--I--was waiting to see Tom off!"
[THE BEST JUDGE]
A lady said to her husband, in a friend's presence:
"My dear, you certainly want a pair of new trousers." "No, I think not," replied the husband.
"Well," interposed the friend, "I think the lady who always wears them, ought to know."
[A THIRST FOR KNOWLEDGE]
"Young man," said an inquisitive old lady, to a tram conductor, "if I put my foot on that rail shall I receive an electric shock?"
"No, mum," he replied, "unless you place your other foot on the overhead wire."