[A SHIPWRECK]
An Irish fisherman passed himself off to the captain of a ship near the coast of Ireland as a qualified pilot. He knew nothing of the coast. "This is a very dangerous shore here," said the captain to him, when he was on board. "Yes, it is, your honour," replied the fellow. "There are a great many dangerous rocks about here, I believe," observed the captain. "Yes, there are, and," a dreadful crash coming, "this is one of them," coolly returned the fisherman.
[A SAFE CASE]
A briefless barrister was spending his time at the Courts when his clerk came to him with the news that a man was at his chambers with a brief. The barrister immediately hurried from the Courts for fear the client should escape him. "Stop, sir, stop," cried his clerk. "You needn't hurry, sir, I've locked him in."
[THE WATCH MENDER]
A private in a company of engineers gained a certain reputation for mending his comrades' watches. His reputation reached his captain's ears, who one day said to him, "Jones, I hear you are clever at watch-mending, here take this one of mine and see what you can make of it." Some few days after, Jones took back the watch. "Well, Jones, how much do I owe you?" "Three shillings," was the reply. "Well, here you are, and thank you," said the captain. "Oh! I forgot," said Jones, "here are three wheels which I had over."
[THE CITY CHURCHES--AND OTHERS]
"Do people ever take advantage of the invitation to use this church for meditation and prayer?" a City verger was once asked. "Yes," he replied, "I catched two of 'em at it the other day!"
[HIGH PRINCIPLES]
A Methodist who kept a grocer's shop was heard one day to say to his assistant, "John, have you watered the rum?" "Yes." "Have you sanded the brown sugar?" "Yes." "Have you damped the tobacco?" "Yes." "Then come in to prayers."