[ALDERMANIC TASTES]
Freddy: "Papa, may I study elocution?"
Proud Father: "Indeed you may, my boy, if you wish. You desire to become a great orator, do you?"
"Yes, that's it."
"And some day perhaps have your voice ringing in the vaulted chamber of the first legislative assembly in the world?"
"I shouldn't care for that. I want to be an after-dinner speaker."
"Ah, you are ambitious for social distinction, then?"
"No--I want the dinners."
["WARRANTED TO KILL"]
An itinerant "old-clo" woman on reaching a village in an irritated condition proceeded to the general shop with a request for a certain useful powder. The shopkeeper expressed his ability to supply her need either in packet form or loose. "Don't you worry about no packet, young man," she said. "Jest pour it down here," indicating her open collar.