Speaking of the different languages of Europe, a professor thus described them: "The French is the best language to speak to one's friend; the Italian to one's mistress; the English to the people; the Spanish to God, and the German to a horse."
[CLOTHES AND THE MAN]
Debt Collector: "Is your master at home?"
Servant (curtly): "No, he isn't."
Debt Collector (suspiciously): "But I can see his hat hanging up in the hall."
Servant: "Well, what's that got to do with it? One of my dresses is hanging on the line in the back garden, but I'm not there!"
[A WITTY REPLY]
One day a celebrated advocate was arguing before a very stupid and very rude Scotch judge who, to express his contempt of what he was saying, pointed with one forefinger to one of his ears, and with the other to the opposite one.
"You see this, Mr. ----?"
"I do, my lord," said the advocate.