[JOB'S CURSE]
"Mother," said little Eva on the way from church, "babies aren't so good as they used to be, are they?" "Whatever makes you think that?" replied her mother. "Well, little Willie can't talk yet, and he's nearly two, but Job could talk when he was a baby." "Where does it tell you that, dear?" asked mother. "Don't you remember the lesson this morning, mother? It said that Job cursed the day he was born!"
[A CONJUGAL CONCLUSION]
A woman having fallen into a river, her husband went to look for her, proceeding up the stream from the place where she fell in. The bystanders asked him if he was mad--she could not have gone against the stream. The man answered, "She was obstinate and contrary in her life, and no doubt she was the same at her death."
[THE RULING PASSION]
Lazarus Goldstein the auctioneer, being somewhat run down, was ordered on a sea voyage by his doctor. After several days on board during which period nothing had occurred to break the monotony of this to him overpeaceful existence, he was suddenly aroused from his afternoon siesta by the cry "A sail, a sail." His eyes brightened and calling his wife, he said, "Sarah, where is dot catalogue?"
[FELO-DE-SE]
An under officer of the Customs at the port of Liverpool, running heedlessly along the ship's gunnel, happened to slip overboard, and was drowned. The body soon being recovered, the coroner's jury was summoned. One of the jurymen returning home, was asked what verdict they brought in, and whether they found it "felo-de-se"? "Ay, ay!" says the juryman, shaking his noddle. "He fell into the sea, sure enough."
[HOW TO GET WARM]
A Quaker gentleman, riding in a carriage with a fashionable lady decked with a profusion of jewellery, heard her complain of the cold. Shivering in her lace bonnet and shawl, as light as a cobweb, she exclaimed, "What shall I do to get warm?" "I really don't know," replied the Quaker solemnly, "unless thee should put on another breast-pin."