A well-known cleric came to a stile occupied by a farm lad, who was eating his bread and bacon luncheon. The boy making no attempt to allow his reverence to pass, was told that he seemed to be "better fed than taught." "Very likely," answered the lad, "for ye teaches Oi, but Oi feeds meself."
[SCOTCH UNDERSTANDING]
A lady asked a very silly Scotch nobleman, how it happened that the Scots who came out of their own country were, generally speaking, men of more abilities than those who remained at home. "Oh, madam," said he, "the reason is obvious. At every outlet there are persons stationed to examine all who pass, that, for the honour of the country, no one be permitted to leave it who is not a man of understanding." "Then," said she, "I suppose your lordship was smuggled."
[THE AVERAGE EGG]
The teacher asked the arithmetic class: "What is the meaning of the word average?" A small boy replied: "It's a thing that hens lay eggs on." "Why?" "Because I've read that a hen lays an egg on an average once a day."
[FEELING IN THE RIGHT PLACE]
A gentleman was one day relating to a Quaker a tale of deep distress, and concluded very pathetically by saying, "I could not but feel for him." "Verily, friend," replied the Quaker, "thou didst right in that thou didst feel for thy neighbour; but didst thou feel in the right place--didst thou feel in thy pocket?"
[THE G.O.M.]
A clergyman calling at Hawarden, while Mr. Gladstone still held the reins, Mrs. Gladstone entertained him, till her husband, who was upstairs writing, was disengaged. The minister lamented the terrible state of affairs in Ireland and elsewhere, but added consolingly, "There is One above us who will set all right." "Oh, yes," exclaimed Mrs. G., "he'll be down directly."