When Whitfield first went to America, observing, during his voyage, the dissolute manners of the crew, he invited them to one of his pious declamations, and took occasion to reprehend them for their loose manner of living. "You will certainly," says he, "go to hell. Perhaps you may think I will be an advocate for you; but, believe me, I will tell of all your wicked actions." Upon this one of the sailors, turning to his messmate, observed, "Ay, Jack, that's just the way at the Old Bailey; the greatest rogue always turns king's evidence."
[A PLEASANT PROSPECT]
"Grandma, shall I have a face like you when I get old?" asked the enfant terrible.
"Yes, my dear, if you're good."
[BALAAM'S SWORD]
A student, showing the Museum at Oxford to a party, produced, among many other curiosities, a rusty sword. "This," said he, "is a sword with which Balaam was going to kill his ass." One of the company observed that he thought Balaam had no sword, but only wished for one. "You are right," replied the student, "and this is the very sword he wished for."
[THE HONORARIUM]
The local Council had decided that in consequence of untiring and devoted service they would grant an honorarium to one of their staff.
One of the oldest and most energetic members rose to speak in favour of the presentation, but expressed his opinion that the Council certainly ought to ascertain first whether the young man could play the instrument.