[A QUESTION OF NUMBERS]
A nursery-maid was leading a little child up and down a garden. "Is't a laddie or a lassie?" asked the gardener. "A laddie," said the maid. "Weel," said he, "I'm glad o' that, for there's ower mony women in the world." "Heck, mon," said Jess, "did ye no ken there's ay maist sown o' the best crop?"
[AMERICAN POULTRY]
A wealthy Irish-American was proud of the opportunity to do the honours and "show off" on the occasion of a visit to New York of one of his compatriots from the "Ould Counthry." To dazzle him he invited him to dine at one of the most notable and "toniest" of restaurants. "Now, me bhoy," he said, "just you follow my lead, and I'll order everything of the best." Seated at table, the host led off with--"Waiter, fetch a couple of cocktails." His friend gave himself away, however, when he whispered audibly--"Waiter, if ye don't moind, I'd rather have a wing."
[GRACE MAL A PROPOS]
A milliner's apprentice, about to wait upon a duchess, was fearful of committing some error in her deportment. She therefore consulted a friend as to the manner in which she should consult this great personage, and was told that, on going before the duchess, she must say her Grace, and so on. Accordingly, away went the girl, and, on being introduced, after a very low curtsey, she said: "For what I am going to receive, the Lord make me truly thankful." To which the duchess answered: "Amen!"
[THE POOR IDIOT]
A dull preacher in a country church sent all the congregation to sleep, except an idiot, who sat with open mouth, listening. The parson became enraged, and, thumping the pulpit, exclaimed, "What! all asleep but this poor idiot!" "Aye," replied the lad, "and if I had not been a poor idiot, I should have been asleep too."
[A WELSH WIG-GING]
An Englishman and a Welshman were disputing in whose country was the best living. Said the Welshman, "There is such noble housekeeping in Wales, that I have known above a dozen cooks employed at one wedding dinner." "Ay," answered the Englishman, "that was because every man toasted his own cheese."