[THE THIRTY-NINE ARTICLES]
A Bishop, arriving at the end of a railway journey, the porter began collecting his luggage, and said: "How many articles are there, sir?" "Thirty-nine," replied the Bishop imperturbably. The porter hunted round, then said in despair: "There are only fourteen here, sir." "Ah," said the Bishop, smiling, "you are evidently a dissenter."
[THE DUCHESS AND THE CANONS]
A good story of the late portly Duchess of Teck was told by Canon Teignmouth Shore. Her Royal Highness was seated at dinner between Shore and another canon when the former said that she must find herself in rather an alarming position:--
"Canon to right of you, Canon to left of you, Volleys and thunders."
"Well," replied the Duchess, "this is the very first time I have been connected with the Light Brigade."
[HOW TO WIN]
"Why is it, Dennis, that you are always fighting with Willie Simpkins? I never hear of you quarrelling with any of the other boys in the neighbourhood." "He's the only one I can lick," answered Dennis.
[PIGS]
The squire rides up to a farmhouse, and, seeing the small son of the farmer outside, asks the youngster where his father is, and gets the following reply: "Father is in yonder field with the pigs. You'll know him--he's got a 'at on!"